March 04, 2007

F1 Driver Lineup Set.

With two weeks to go before the 2007 F1 season gets into gear, the final driver seat filled, and almost all the new-version cars on the track (Super Aguri will debut theirs at Australia), I thought I should take a look at the people I'll be making fun of this year.

1 Fernando Alonso: Winner of the last two Driver's Championships, one of the best drivers out there. Problem is, he won those championships in a Renault. Now that he's in the (ahem) fragile McLaren, it's anybody's guess how he'll do.
2 Lewis Hamilton: Rookie. The '(next) Great British Hope.' First Black driver in F1. No pressure, kid, no pressure.

3 Giancarlo Fisichella: THIS is Renualt's flagship driver? After bitching and moaning for the past two years, he's being given a chance to succeed... or fail, which is what I'M thinking is more likely.
4 Heikki Kovalainen: Rookie. Another Finnish driver, from a long line of talented Finnish drivers. Impossible name to spell correctly. God help me when it comes time to do the F1 UPDATES!

5 Felipe Massa: Schumacher Junior? Or just Junior? Looks like he hasn't ever had to shave.
6 Kimi Raikkonen: Possibly the best driver in the game, now in a car that shouldn't break as often... unless his driving style is why the McLaren's kept failing. The Greatest Interview in F1.

7 Jenson Button: The '(old) Great British Hope.' Won his first race last year at Hungary. His car is the ugliest in F1 history.
8 Rubens Barrichello: Completely overshadowed by Schumacher, then completely overshadowed by his teammate last year. His car, too, is the ugliest in F1 history.

BMW Sauber
9 Nick Heidfeld: His clone is now out of F1. Let's see if he can drive with...
10 Robert Kubica: First Polish driver in F1. Ugliest driver in F1. I SO want him to be fastest in quals once. Just once. The "Pole on Pole" headline just HAS to be used...

11 Ralf Schumacher: Now the 2nd best 'Schumacher' driving racecars.
12 Jarno Trulli: Either the slowest driver, or the fastest. No in-between. The Engineer needs to show SOMETHING, or there'll be Toyota executives disemboweling themselves soon.

Red Bull
14 David Coulthard's Chin: A Man's Man. A Driver's Driver. Loves to sign autographs. Stuck in a lousy car. Next...
15 Mark Webber: Um. Er. Australian. Next...

16 Nico Rosberg: Rookie last year. Prettyboy. Started well last year, then, to be blunt, pretty much blew chunks the rest of the way. His car didn't help much, to be fair. We'll see.
17 Alexander Wurz: Man-Mountain. They had to amputate half his legs to get him to fit in the cockpit, and he's STILL too tall. Been driving forever, and now he'll finally get a full-time drive... in what may possibly be the worst car in F1. Oy.

Toro Rosso
18 Tonio Liuzzi: Fashion victim. Annoying. Drives with an eyebrow piercing under his helmet. Did I mention he's annoying? Go away.
19 American Scott Speed: This is the heir to the Andretti legacy? Oh boy. At least he's got a great name.

20 Christijan Albers: Best off-road driver in F1.
21 Adrian Sutil: Rookie. No idea who he is or what he can do. Yo, Adrian!

Super Aguri
22 Takuma Sato: "Suicide" Sato. F1 UPDATE!'s favorite driver. In theory, the SA car should be pretty competitive, so we may well be seeing repeats of his Honda days, when he earned Michael Schumacher the 'Slappy' nickname. He's scary fast, as well as just flat-out scary.
23 Anthony Davidson: '(another) Great British Hope.' Fastest in practice all last year. Boy, he's in for a surprise.

So that's the lineup... it's gonna be a fun season! And boy, it's just gonna be hard to watch, with the Honda and the Renault trying to out-ugly each other. Yeesh.

Posted by: Wonderduck at 03:18 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 649 words, total size 4 kb.

1 Welcome back, F1 UPDATE!

Great job on the run-down of the drivers. No place for Zsolt this year, though. *sigh*

Posted by: Mallory at March 04, 2007 10:16 AM (qZvPm)

2 Zsolt is always in our hearts.

Posted by: Wonderduck at March 04, 2007 10:25 AM (86QII)

3 Hamilton is my hope for the season to provide the excitement. I think he really could win a race in his first season, and make things very interesting.

Posted by: flotsky at March 04, 2007 11:06 AM (vnSex)

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