February 03, 2008
Scuderia Ferrari Marlboro
1. Kimi Raikkonen: 2007 Driver's Champion, the single most scintillating interview in F1 today.
2. Felipe Massa: aka 'The Luckiest Boy Alive.'
BMW Sauber F1 Team
3. Grizzly Nick Heidfeld: A fine example of the perils of facial hair.
4. Robert Kubica: MUST set the fastest qualifying lap this year, just for the 'Pole on Pole' headline. This has GOT to happen. Won the 'Worst Accident of 2007' award; actually survived to receive said award, somehow.
ING Renault F1 Team
5. HWMNBN: aka "Old Scratch," "Prince Of Lies," "Fernando." Returns to the team he won two Championships with. Has already started complaining about the car.
6. Nelson Piquet, Jr.: Son of a three-time driver's champion. Was second to Lewis Hamilton in GP2. Has practically no chance to beat either man.
7. Nico Rosberg: aka "Wonderboy (2006)." Has fabulous hair. That's about it.
8. Kazuki Nakajima: Ran over his pitcrew in his rookie race last year. Has a lackluster racing history, in the running for the 2008 "Doesn't Deserve His Seat" award.
Red Bull Racing
9. David Coulthard's Chin: What more need be said?
10. Mark Webber: The saddest man in F1. Just look at that picture!
Panasonic Toyota Racing
11. Jarno Trulli: Outdrove his 2007 teammate, Ralf Schumacher. So did Mrs. Edna Wainscotting (England).
12. Timo Glock: Won 2007 GP2 series. Drove with Jordan (later known as Midland/Spyker/Farce India) in 2004. Son of famous gunmaker Edvard Timo.
Scuderia Toro Rosso
14. Sebastien Bourdais: aka 'Seabass.' Four-time ChampCar champion. This is worth a drive in a lousy F1 car. Still, it's better than ChampCar, right? Right?
15. Sebastian Vettel: F1's youngest ever point-winner (8th at Indy in 2007). Will forever be associated with the phrase "From goatse to hero."
Honda Racing F1 Team
16. Jenson Button: OH-ver-RAY-ted (clap, clap, clap-clap-clap).
17. Rubens Barrichello: Regrets leaving Ferrari in 2006. Deeply. Bitterly. Drunkenly.
18. Takuma Sato: F1 UPDATE!'s favorite driver. Write it down: he WILL win a race. Maybe not this year, but he WILL.
19. Anthony Davidson: aka 'Ant.' Has a square head. Ran over a marmot at the 2007 Canadian Grand Prix. Ew.
Force India Formula One Team
20. Adrian Sutil: An above-average driver in a really, really bad car.
21. Giancarlo Fisichella: A below-average driver in a really, really bad car. What was Renault THINKING?
Vodafone McLaren Mercedes
22. Lewis Hamilton: Tiger Woods wishes he was Lewis Hamilton.
23. Heikki Kovalainen: So does Heikki.
When do we find out how heavily F1 is going to come down on McLaren? And how many years it'll be before they're eligible for any of the championships?
And which court they're going to take F1 to, regarding double standards in application of the rules?
Posted by: Steven Den Beste at February 04, 2008 01:15 AM (+rSRq)
Of course, that can all change if the FIA believes that McLaren is using purloined technology from Ferrari in their current car. THAT will be an ongoing thing, I'm afraid.
As far as the lawsuit goes, I've not seen nor heard anything about it since... um... Ron Dennis formally apologized back in December. My guess is that there's some back-room dealings going on that we've not heard about.
Posted by: Wonderduck at February 04, 2008 02:20 AM (AW3EJ)
LOL - Loved the pic of Fernando. I hope Nelson Piquet, Jr., turns out to be another Lewis Hamilton and a thorn in 'Nando's side.
Posted by: Mallory at February 04, 2008 08:06 AM (3sife)
Posted by: Steven Den Beste at February 04, 2008 10:24 AM (+rSRq)
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