Achievement Unlocked

So there I was, asleep.  Peacefully, blissfully, sleepily asleep.  Totally asleep.  And then, at 854am, everything changed.  Because at 854am, my cellphone rang.  Immediately, I snapped awake... not because I'm really good at waking up, but because the phone was about six inches from my ear, and the ringer was ridiculously obnoxious.  Intentionally, of course, just on the off chance that this exact occurrence... um... occurred.  I looked at the listed number, and didn't recognize it... except for the area code.  It was the code for Duckford, and pretty much anybody who would be calling me from Duckford was programmed into the phone already... and I started to get excited.

A couple of weeks ago, an e-mail came through my inbox.  It was from the company that interviewed me back in March, and turned me down for a position because I apparently had a giant pulsating brain.  They didn't want giant pulsating brains on staff for fear they'd be bored with the job.  They were looking for more staff, and would I be interested in re-interviewing?  I failed to see what the point would be since I hadn't gotten much stupider in a couple of months, but it's not like dozens of other companies were beating down my door... and maybe if I drooled on myself during the interview, I could convince them that I was what they were looking for.

This was actually when I took a weekend off, by the way.  Part of the laundry I got done was my bestest dress shirt, don'tchaknow.  A couple of days later, I found myself at the job location attempting to look like a well-dressed simpleton.  I'm not entirely convinced I managed to pull off either of those two things, but at least I was wearing a suit and tie.  That matched.  Intentionally!  After I had been standing in the reception area for a few minutes, my interviewer popped up and I felt a moment of growing hope: it wasn't the person that had interviewed me in March.  After we chatted for maybe ten minutes, doing the usual interview routine ("oh, you were a paid assassin?  Interesting... would you have problems doing office work?"), the moment I had feared came to pass.  She looked at her notes and said "You're very smart."

If I had managed to keep that hidden up to this point in the interview, my response pretty much blew the camouflage right off.  "That's what the tests say, at any rate."  I then gave a short speech on how I felt that I had lost my chance at the previous position because of my giant pulsating brain, and that I wanted to assure her that it really wouldn't be a problem.  And then she said the magic words: "I agree.  My team does different, more difficult tasks.  Being smart isn't a drawback, because I can train you on more things."

Even with those assurances ringing in my ears, I was loathe to rejoice quite yet.  We talked for another fifteen minutes or so, then she said there's going to be a background check, of course.  For whatever reason, background checks fill me with terror.  No, there's no secrets in my history, no more than any other person that is.  But who's to say that the traffic ticket I got 27 years ago won't be enough to tell them not to hire me... or that the Powers That Be that ran the Duck U Bookstore wouldn't jab another pencil into my brain?  So I left the interview, picked up something for lunch, and returned to Pond Central.  And spent the next seven days waiting to hear something.  When it reached seven days, I began to rationalize.  When it hit eight days, I figured I was out of luck again and had a pleasant Mexican dinner with The Librarian.  That was last night.

So there I was, asleep.  Peacefully, blissfully, sleepily asleep.  Totally asleep.  And then, at 854am, everything changed.  Because at 854am, my cellphone rang.  It was the head of Human Resources at the place I had interviewed, saying those words I'd almost given up on ever hearing again: "we think you'd be a great fit with us and would like to offer you a position in our company."  I start June 22nd.
I feel more a sense of relief than joy.  Strangely, the feeling I have now is similar to the one I had when I got canned almost exactly 11 months ago.  Without the whole "getting canned" part, that is.  I'm certainly looking forward to feeling like a productive member of society again.

Posted by: Wonderduck at 11:37 PM | Comments (29) | Add Comment
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