November 30, 2009
Dive Bomber
Back in the early days of dive bombing, the British Air Ministry attempted to answer the question "what IS a dive bombing attack?" In their definition, which was generally accepted by the various air forces, when the aircraft drops its bombs while descending at an angle of 20 degrees or less, it was executing a shallow glide bombing attack. From 20 to 60 degrees, it was a steep glide bombing run.
However it was only when the pilot guided his craft into a plummeting descent of between 60 and 90 (also known as 'straight down') degrees that he was performing that most accurate, deadly and dangerous manuever, a dive bombing attack. It was dive bombing that blew open the way for Germany's blitzkrieg across Europe. It was dive bombing that helped pummel Pearl Harbor's facilities and airbases. It was dive bombing that killed HMS Hermes, the first aircraft carrier to be sunk by aircraft. It was dive bombing that sank four Japanese aircraft carriers at Midway. It was (mostly) dive bombing that shut off the flow of supplies to the Japanese soldiers at Guadalcanal. One could go so far as to argue that dive bombing won the naval war in the Pacific.
Yet it was the dive bomber that disappeared from the lineups of the various air forces almost as soon as World War II was over. Why?
*THE PLANES
For all intents and purposes, there were four major planes designated as Dive Bombers in World War II. Oddly, the worst of the bunch is the one that's best remembered and is thought of as the prototypical DB.
The Ju87, better known as the Stuka, was used by Germany as heavy artillery. Luftwaffe liason officers were attached to Wehrmacht units as what we would now call forward air controllers for Close Air Support. The Stuka would be called in to pummel strongpoints with the type of accuracy only available to dive bombers. The Luftwaffe had better designs to chose from when the time came to begin preparing for war but the Stuka had the support of Ernst Udet, who was the Director-General of Equipment. However, it was quite slow when carrying the usual bombload of 1100lbs, maxing out at about 150mph. In comparison to the other planes on this list, it had a very short range of about 300 miles It was also quite unmanueverable and could be hacked out of the air in immense numbers by even small amounts of fighters. When escorted by fighters, however, the Stuka could be very effective. It was able to dive vertically when executing an attack, which was devastating against stationary targets. After the Battle of Britain, where the Stuka's weaknesses were brought to stark light, the plane should have been withdrawn from action. Germany had no choice but to use it throughout the war, in upgraded forms, as there was no replacement. Despite all this, it is images of the Stuka, stooping upon a target with its landing-gear-mounted sirens (called "Jericho's Trumpet" by crews) wailing, that leap to mind when the public thinks of dive bombing.
The Aichi D3A (Allied code name 'Val'), was the primary dive bomber of the Imperial Japanese Navy for most of the Pacific War. A contemporary of the Stuka, it flew slowly enough that drag from the fixed landing gear was not considered an issue. It was rather sturdy for a Japanese warplane, yet manueverable enough to be able to hold its own against fighters when unladen. While it generally could not dive as steeply as the other planes on this list, when combined with the highly experienced pilots of the IJN it was phenomenally accurate. During the Indian Ocean raid at the beginning of 1942, Vals caught the British cruisers Dorsetshire and Cornwall 200 miles off of Ceylon and scored on 85% of their attacks, sinking both ships in minutes. Later, Vals participated in the attack on HMS Hermes, scoring 40 hits from 70 planes. With a maximum speed of 240mph (less with bombload) and a maximum range of 915 miles, it was perfectly suited to naval war in the vast ranges of the Pacific Ocean. Its main weakness was that it could only carry a 551lb bombload, which was marginal against larger vessels.
The Douglas SBD, or Dauntless as it was commonly known, was used by the US Navy and Marines throughout WWII, though it was supplanted by the SB2C Helldiver in 1944. It was never entirely replaced, however. With a top speed of 255mph and a range of 770 miles without a bomb, the Dauntless was also quite nimble, racking up quite a few kills against the Japanese Zero. Early in the war, it was common to see Dauntlesses acting as anti-torpedo-plane interceptors, though this practice stopped when the number of fighters carried by US carriers was increased. It could carry a 1000lb bomb. The Dauntless is credited with singlehandedly sinking six Japanese carriers, including four in one day at the Battle of Midway. When carrying a bombload however, the Dauntless only had a combat radius of about 200 miles or so, fairly short in the Pacific. It was also used by the Army Air Force as the A-24, but was generally unsuccessful, more from a lack of institutional enthusiasm for dive bombing than poor performance.
The Curtiss SB2C Helldiver was the ultimate in dive bombers. Able to carry a ton of bombs (or a torpedo) in an internal bay, it could go nearly 300mph with a maximum range of 1200 miles (unladen). A big plane, it was rather unmanueverable and complex to maintain. After early teething problems were ironed out, though, it became quite a useful bomber, participating in all major actions in the later years of the war in the Pacific. It was never as popular amongst aircrews as the Dauntless, being nicknamed "Beast" or "Son of a Bitch 2nd Class", though later versions of the plane were undoubtably better in every way than the smaller SBD. Due to a lack of targets, the Helldiver didn't ring up a large kill total of ships, though they were instrumental in the sinking of the Yamato and Mushashi, the IJN superbattleships.
Other dive bombers in World War II included the British Blackburn Skua, the Soviet Pe-2 and IL-2, the Vought SB2U Vindicator, the German Ju88 and the Japanese Yokosuka D4Y Suisei, which was the only plane that could argue the SB2C's title as "best dive bomber."
*THE TACTICS
Dive bombing was much more than just "point yourself at the target and dive".
A dive bomber would approach a target from around 10-15000 feet altitude, dropping in shallow dive down to about 5000-7000 feet. Upon reaching the push-over point, a dive bomber would throttle back to about 50% maximum power, extend their dive brakes, and begin a steep dive down to around 1000 feet. Each plane would reach a different high speed during this dive (the Stuka would hit around 350mph, while the Dauntless would hover around 240mph). Upon reaching its release altitude (again, around 1000 feet), a pilot would retract his dive brakes, increase throttle and pull up steeply at around 5g. Again, depending on the plane and the bravery of the pilot, the altitude would bottom out around 500 feet or less as the dive bomber rapidly exited the area.
Against an immobile target, a squadron of dive bombers would approach and dive from different directions so as to confuse the defending antiaircraft guns. As always, however, coming out of the sun was usually the preferred method of attack, so as to limit the defender's visibility.
Against a ship, however, the rules were different. In a perfect setup, a squadron would dive heading upwind and in the direction of the ship's travel (heading from stern to bow, in other words). The planes would all attack from the same direction, one after the other, in line astern. A vigorously manuevering target, however, did cause some headaches for a pilot. He would have to change the attitude of his plane to follow the ship's path, all the while hanging against his seatbelt/harness.
Early in the war, particularly for the Japanese, it was nearly impossible to shoot down a dive bomber after it began its dive with anti-aircraft guns. Early gun directors could not deal with a plane moving at high speed and shedding appalling amounts of altitude in a short time, making a plunging dive bomber nearly invunerable. Indeed, during the Battle of Midway, Japanese AA managed to shoot down only one Dauntless. The best defense against a dive bomber at this time was to shoot it down during its approach, usually with a fighter.
*THE END OF A WEAPON
It was improvements in anti-aircraft fire that spelled the end of the dive bomber, however.
By the end of the war, it was practically suicidal for any dive bomber to approach an American ship. More (and better) AA guns, under radar direction, using proximity fuzes, could blow any plane out of the air at long ranges. It was bad enough for a torpedo plane, having to fly in a straight line at a relatively low speed, but at least they could stay a good distance away from their target and still release their weapon. For a dive bomber, however, which basically had to overfly its target, they were sitting ducks. By the end of the war, a Japanese naval vessel, which never carried a particularly large number of AA guns even under the best of circumstances, could expect that it would have the number of AA guns doubled or tripled from what it had carried at the beginning of the war.
And though the Axis powers never developed the proximity fuze for their AA guns, when you're putting enough bullets in the air you often didn't need them. German anti-aircraft guns were fearsome indeed, which is one of the reasons the Allies didn't use dive bombers much in Europe. Indeed, the RAF and FAA, who are often credited with creating and formalizing the concept of dive bombing, never had more than a couple of squadrons of dive bombers at any time during WWII. This despite the benefits of the type being on display against them in Poland, Belgium and France. The reason given was that it would be too costly in men and machines, and it's hard to debate the point.
Another reason for the disappearance of the dive bomber was the rise of what is now called the multi-role aircraft. The F4U Corsair, for example, could perform steep diving attacks nearly as well as the Dauntless despite the lack of dive brakes, had a longer range, and could carry a greater weight of bombs to boot. The P-47 Thunderbolt was another excellent fighter that could double as an attack plane, as was the Focke-Wulf Fw190. Using a fighter to do a bomber's job, and perhaps do it better to boot, made a lot of sense, particularly in the crowded hangar decks of an aircraft carrier.
The massacre of a squadron of dive bombers by such technology as a surface-to-air missile could easily be imagined, but by that time the dive bomber was no more.
*EPILOGUE
The dive bomber, in some ways, still lives on today. It's not hard to see modern precision guided munitions (or "smart bombs") as the direct descendant of the bombs dropped by Stukas, Dauntlesses and Vals. To continue the analogy, the air-dropped torpedo became the stand-off missile (such as the Tomahawk cruise missile or Harpoon anti-shipping weapon).
However you look at it though, today's attack pilot still needs to do the same thing as the dive bomber: put a bomb on a relatively small target with skill and precision.
This post is dedicated to Mort Price, USMC, Dauntless rear-seat gunner.
However it was only when the pilot guided his craft into a plummeting descent of between 60 and 90 (also known as 'straight down') degrees that he was performing that most accurate, deadly and dangerous manuever, a dive bombing attack. It was dive bombing that blew open the way for Germany's blitzkrieg across Europe. It was dive bombing that helped pummel Pearl Harbor's facilities and airbases. It was dive bombing that killed HMS Hermes, the first aircraft carrier to be sunk by aircraft. It was dive bombing that sank four Japanese aircraft carriers at Midway. It was (mostly) dive bombing that shut off the flow of supplies to the Japanese soldiers at Guadalcanal. One could go so far as to argue that dive bombing won the naval war in the Pacific.
Yet it was the dive bomber that disappeared from the lineups of the various air forces almost as soon as World War II was over. Why?
*THE PLANES
For all intents and purposes, there were four major planes designated as Dive Bombers in World War II. Oddly, the worst of the bunch is the one that's best remembered and is thought of as the prototypical DB.
The Ju87, better known as the Stuka, was used by Germany as heavy artillery. Luftwaffe liason officers were attached to Wehrmacht units as what we would now call forward air controllers for Close Air Support. The Stuka would be called in to pummel strongpoints with the type of accuracy only available to dive bombers. The Luftwaffe had better designs to chose from when the time came to begin preparing for war but the Stuka had the support of Ernst Udet, who was the Director-General of Equipment. However, it was quite slow when carrying the usual bombload of 1100lbs, maxing out at about 150mph. In comparison to the other planes on this list, it had a very short range of about 300 miles It was also quite unmanueverable and could be hacked out of the air in immense numbers by even small amounts of fighters. When escorted by fighters, however, the Stuka could be very effective. It was able to dive vertically when executing an attack, which was devastating against stationary targets. After the Battle of Britain, where the Stuka's weaknesses were brought to stark light, the plane should have been withdrawn from action. Germany had no choice but to use it throughout the war, in upgraded forms, as there was no replacement. Despite all this, it is images of the Stuka, stooping upon a target with its landing-gear-mounted sirens (called "Jericho's Trumpet" by crews) wailing, that leap to mind when the public thinks of dive bombing.
The Aichi D3A (Allied code name 'Val'), was the primary dive bomber of the Imperial Japanese Navy for most of the Pacific War. A contemporary of the Stuka, it flew slowly enough that drag from the fixed landing gear was not considered an issue. It was rather sturdy for a Japanese warplane, yet manueverable enough to be able to hold its own against fighters when unladen. While it generally could not dive as steeply as the other planes on this list, when combined with the highly experienced pilots of the IJN it was phenomenally accurate. During the Indian Ocean raid at the beginning of 1942, Vals caught the British cruisers Dorsetshire and Cornwall 200 miles off of Ceylon and scored on 85% of their attacks, sinking both ships in minutes. Later, Vals participated in the attack on HMS Hermes, scoring 40 hits from 70 planes. With a maximum speed of 240mph (less with bombload) and a maximum range of 915 miles, it was perfectly suited to naval war in the vast ranges of the Pacific Ocean. Its main weakness was that it could only carry a 551lb bombload, which was marginal against larger vessels.
The Douglas SBD, or Dauntless as it was commonly known, was used by the US Navy and Marines throughout WWII, though it was supplanted by the SB2C Helldiver in 1944. It was never entirely replaced, however. With a top speed of 255mph and a range of 770 miles without a bomb, the Dauntless was also quite nimble, racking up quite a few kills against the Japanese Zero. Early in the war, it was common to see Dauntlesses acting as anti-torpedo-plane interceptors, though this practice stopped when the number of fighters carried by US carriers was increased. It could carry a 1000lb bomb. The Dauntless is credited with singlehandedly sinking six Japanese carriers, including four in one day at the Battle of Midway. When carrying a bombload however, the Dauntless only had a combat radius of about 200 miles or so, fairly short in the Pacific. It was also used by the Army Air Force as the A-24, but was generally unsuccessful, more from a lack of institutional enthusiasm for dive bombing than poor performance.
The Curtiss SB2C Helldiver was the ultimate in dive bombers. Able to carry a ton of bombs (or a torpedo) in an internal bay, it could go nearly 300mph with a maximum range of 1200 miles (unladen). A big plane, it was rather unmanueverable and complex to maintain. After early teething problems were ironed out, though, it became quite a useful bomber, participating in all major actions in the later years of the war in the Pacific. It was never as popular amongst aircrews as the Dauntless, being nicknamed "Beast" or "Son of a Bitch 2nd Class", though later versions of the plane were undoubtably better in every way than the smaller SBD. Due to a lack of targets, the Helldiver didn't ring up a large kill total of ships, though they were instrumental in the sinking of the Yamato and Mushashi, the IJN superbattleships.
Other dive bombers in World War II included the British Blackburn Skua, the Soviet Pe-2 and IL-2, the Vought SB2U Vindicator, the German Ju88 and the Japanese Yokosuka D4Y Suisei, which was the only plane that could argue the SB2C's title as "best dive bomber."
*THE TACTICS
Dive bombing was much more than just "point yourself at the target and dive".
A dive bomber would approach a target from around 10-15000 feet altitude, dropping in shallow dive down to about 5000-7000 feet. Upon reaching the push-over point, a dive bomber would throttle back to about 50% maximum power, extend their dive brakes, and begin a steep dive down to around 1000 feet. Each plane would reach a different high speed during this dive (the Stuka would hit around 350mph, while the Dauntless would hover around 240mph). Upon reaching its release altitude (again, around 1000 feet), a pilot would retract his dive brakes, increase throttle and pull up steeply at around 5g. Again, depending on the plane and the bravery of the pilot, the altitude would bottom out around 500 feet or less as the dive bomber rapidly exited the area.
Against an immobile target, a squadron of dive bombers would approach and dive from different directions so as to confuse the defending antiaircraft guns. As always, however, coming out of the sun was usually the preferred method of attack, so as to limit the defender's visibility.
Against a ship, however, the rules were different. In a perfect setup, a squadron would dive heading upwind and in the direction of the ship's travel (heading from stern to bow, in other words). The planes would all attack from the same direction, one after the other, in line astern. A vigorously manuevering target, however, did cause some headaches for a pilot. He would have to change the attitude of his plane to follow the ship's path, all the while hanging against his seatbelt/harness.
Early in the war, particularly for the Japanese, it was nearly impossible to shoot down a dive bomber after it began its dive with anti-aircraft guns. Early gun directors could not deal with a plane moving at high speed and shedding appalling amounts of altitude in a short time, making a plunging dive bomber nearly invunerable. Indeed, during the Battle of Midway, Japanese AA managed to shoot down only one Dauntless. The best defense against a dive bomber at this time was to shoot it down during its approach, usually with a fighter.
*THE END OF A WEAPON
It was improvements in anti-aircraft fire that spelled the end of the dive bomber, however.
By the end of the war, it was practically suicidal for any dive bomber to approach an American ship. More (and better) AA guns, under radar direction, using proximity fuzes, could blow any plane out of the air at long ranges. It was bad enough for a torpedo plane, having to fly in a straight line at a relatively low speed, but at least they could stay a good distance away from their target and still release their weapon. For a dive bomber, however, which basically had to overfly its target, they were sitting ducks. By the end of the war, a Japanese naval vessel, which never carried a particularly large number of AA guns even under the best of circumstances, could expect that it would have the number of AA guns doubled or tripled from what it had carried at the beginning of the war.
And though the Axis powers never developed the proximity fuze for their AA guns, when you're putting enough bullets in the air you often didn't need them. German anti-aircraft guns were fearsome indeed, which is one of the reasons the Allies didn't use dive bombers much in Europe. Indeed, the RAF and FAA, who are often credited with creating and formalizing the concept of dive bombing, never had more than a couple of squadrons of dive bombers at any time during WWII. This despite the benefits of the type being on display against them in Poland, Belgium and France. The reason given was that it would be too costly in men and machines, and it's hard to debate the point.
Another reason for the disappearance of the dive bomber was the rise of what is now called the multi-role aircraft. The F4U Corsair, for example, could perform steep diving attacks nearly as well as the Dauntless despite the lack of dive brakes, had a longer range, and could carry a greater weight of bombs to boot. The P-47 Thunderbolt was another excellent fighter that could double as an attack plane, as was the Focke-Wulf Fw190. Using a fighter to do a bomber's job, and perhaps do it better to boot, made a lot of sense, particularly in the crowded hangar decks of an aircraft carrier.
The massacre of a squadron of dive bombers by such technology as a surface-to-air missile could easily be imagined, but by that time the dive bomber was no more.
*EPILOGUE
The dive bomber, in some ways, still lives on today. It's not hard to see modern precision guided munitions (or "smart bombs") as the direct descendant of the bombs dropped by Stukas, Dauntlesses and Vals. To continue the analogy, the air-dropped torpedo became the stand-off missile (such as the Tomahawk cruise missile or Harpoon anti-shipping weapon).
However you look at it though, today's attack pilot still needs to do the same thing as the dive bomber: put a bomb on a relatively small target with skill and precision.
This post is dedicated to Mort Price, USMC, Dauntless rear-seat gunner.
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November 24, 2009
I Can't NOT Post This
One cannot count the number of awesomes that went into the creation of this.
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November 23, 2009
The Japanese "Saving Private Ryan"
Otoko Tachi no Yamato, or "The Men of Yamato" in English, tells the story of the final sortie of that famed battleship. Not from a strategic standpoint, mind, but from that of her men. The script isn't brilliant, but you do know and care about these sailors by the time the American carrier planes begin to appear as the battleship approaches Okinawa.
But the main character in this movie is the Yamato herself. No expense was spared in the making of this epic film, including a 1:1 scale set of the forward section of the ship, and the port side of the island area (the anti-aircraft guns in particular) that cost ¥600 million (nearly $7million).
While the producers did wind up reusing a lot of the CG footage in the two major battle scenes, it's barely noticeable amidst all the chaos of war. And make no mistake, this movie pulls no punches when it comes to the combat... if you can't stand the sight of blood, this is not the movie for you.
If you can stomach seeing people opened up by machine-gun rounds and the deck running red with blood, however, what you'll get is a war movie that ranks up near the top of the list. It's not as good as Saving Private Ryan or the HBO miniseries Band of Brothers, true, but it's lightyears ahead of, say, Tora Tora Tora or Midway.
While this screencap makes it look obvious that we're looking at models or CG, in motion it's nearly flawless. The amount of detail is immense, both in the planes and in the Yamato herself.
But when the final attack begins, the great ship goes to hell in a hurry. You barely notice that the whole fight is nearly 30 minutes long.
The sailors aren't supermen. There's no "one man shooting down a squadron", or even a single plane, like you might see in an American war movie. They're just there to serve the guns, and die. And die they do, in droves.
If you can find a copy of the movie, I recommend it heartily. It's well-done, historically accurate, and beautifully shot. You get the feeling that you're watching a documentary on the shipboard life of the Yamato, rather than a feature film, but it's never dull, despite the 2-1/2 hour length.
It's not perfect, but it's plenty good, and a fitting tribute to the men who crewed her.
But the main character in this movie is the Yamato herself. No expense was spared in the making of this epic film, including a 1:1 scale set of the forward section of the ship, and the port side of the island area (the anti-aircraft guns in particular) that cost ¥600 million (nearly $7million).
While the producers did wind up reusing a lot of the CG footage in the two major battle scenes, it's barely noticeable amidst all the chaos of war. And make no mistake, this movie pulls no punches when it comes to the combat... if you can't stand the sight of blood, this is not the movie for you.
If you can stomach seeing people opened up by machine-gun rounds and the deck running red with blood, however, what you'll get is a war movie that ranks up near the top of the list. It's not as good as Saving Private Ryan or the HBO miniseries Band of Brothers, true, but it's lightyears ahead of, say, Tora Tora Tora or Midway.
While this screencap makes it look obvious that we're looking at models or CG, in motion it's nearly flawless. The amount of detail is immense, both in the planes and in the Yamato herself.
But when the final attack begins, the great ship goes to hell in a hurry. You barely notice that the whole fight is nearly 30 minutes long.
The sailors aren't supermen. There's no "one man shooting down a squadron", or even a single plane, like you might see in an American war movie. They're just there to serve the guns, and die. And die they do, in droves.
If you can find a copy of the movie, I recommend it heartily. It's well-done, historically accurate, and beautifully shot. You get the feeling that you're watching a documentary on the shipboard life of the Yamato, rather than a feature film, but it's never dull, despite the 2-1/2 hour length.
It's not perfect, but it's plenty good, and a fitting tribute to the men who crewed her.
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November 21, 2009
Wonderduck's Tales From The Radio Biz
In the previous post I mentioned that, free music notwithstanding, radio was never going to make me rich, but it was the greatest job I've ever had. There are two distinct reasons for that.
The first reason is, hey, it's radio! Everybody listens to the radio, everybody knows what it is, everybody has an idea of what goes into it, and most people think it's a "cool" job. "You really get paid to do that?" was a common theme when it came up in conversation. Never mind that shows like WKRP in Cincinnati or Midnight Caller show only the fun part of the job (though Midnight Caller did it better than any show I've seen, they still got some stuff wrong), and not the show-prep, people think (or thought, at least) that Radio was a glamourous job.
The second reason, though, is the stories that everybody who works in the biz for any amount of time accumulates. And that's what this post (and perhaps others down the road) will talk discuss. What type of stories? Well, pour yourself a cuppajoe, tune in WDUK radio, and listen to The Wonderduck. And remember, all of these are true...
THE NIGHT DUCKFORD WAS DESTROYED
It was 1988, and I was working my usual Saturday night shift at the time, board operator for a recorded-on-vinyl national program, Cruisin' America with Cousin Brucie. While it was a canned show, I still read a brief news and weather update at the top of the hour. The newsroom was right next to the studio, with a small window set into the wall between the two for no good reason that I could ever discern; during the day, the news guy actually came into the studio to read the news, and at night the news staff went home.
Now, to understand what's about to occur, you need to know that I was the only person in the station at the time. The sister station to mine went off-air at nightfall, so they had gone home, and I was three hours into my shift. Since my show was canned, I had the door to both the studio and the newsroom open, in case some breaking news came down the teletype from either UPI or the National Weather Service. Yes, teletype: computers weren't common yet, and the internet didn't exist at all. All our news and weather came through the UPI teletype. Important news was announced by a ringing bell and the chatter of the 'type.
So, I'm sitting in the booth reading something as Cousin Brucie turned and turned. My news and weather update was five minutes in the past, and I could relax until the next commercial break. Then, from the newsroom, came the peal of the bell and the rattling of the teletype. Unconcerned, I walked over, ripped off the report and took a look.
The first reason is, hey, it's radio! Everybody listens to the radio, everybody knows what it is, everybody has an idea of what goes into it, and most people think it's a "cool" job. "You really get paid to do that?" was a common theme when it came up in conversation. Never mind that shows like WKRP in Cincinnati or Midnight Caller show only the fun part of the job (though Midnight Caller did it better than any show I've seen, they still got some stuff wrong), and not the show-prep, people think (or thought, at least) that Radio was a glamourous job.
The second reason, though, is the stories that everybody who works in the biz for any amount of time accumulates. And that's what this post (and perhaps others down the road) will talk discuss. What type of stories? Well, pour yourself a cuppajoe, tune in WDUK radio, and listen to The Wonderduck. And remember, all of these are true...
THE NIGHT DUCKFORD WAS DESTROYED
It was 1988, and I was working my usual Saturday night shift at the time, board operator for a recorded-on-vinyl national program, Cruisin' America with Cousin Brucie. While it was a canned show, I still read a brief news and weather update at the top of the hour. The newsroom was right next to the studio, with a small window set into the wall between the two for no good reason that I could ever discern; during the day, the news guy actually came into the studio to read the news, and at night the news staff went home.
Now, to understand what's about to occur, you need to know that I was the only person in the station at the time. The sister station to mine went off-air at nightfall, so they had gone home, and I was three hours into my shift. Since my show was canned, I had the door to both the studio and the newsroom open, in case some breaking news came down the teletype from either UPI or the National Weather Service. Yes, teletype: computers weren't common yet, and the internet didn't exist at all. All our news and weather came through the UPI teletype. Important news was announced by a ringing bell and the chatter of the 'type.
So, I'm sitting in the booth reading something as Cousin Brucie turned and turned. My news and weather update was five minutes in the past, and I could relax until the next commercial break. Then, from the newsroom, came the peal of the bell and the rattling of the teletype. Unconcerned, I walked over, ripped off the report and took a look.
******FLASH NEWS******
The city of Duckford, Illinois, population 125000, was destroyed tonight by a mile-wide tornado. More to follow...
A moment later, the bell rang again:
Hm. Really? After checking on the state of the show, I strolled out of the station. Clear sky above. Walking to the parking lot, I could see the usual glow of the city lights (the station was about a mile east of the limit of Duckford, and there weren't any buildings within a couple of miles). Returning to the booth, I ran the commercial break, then called Momzerduck at the Old Home Pond. No problems at all, just a light breeze.
Chuckling, I pinned the printout to the bulletin board in the newsroom and returned to the studio... at which point the phone "rang" (actually, it lighted up. As you can figure, a ringing phone in a radio booth doesn't work well). It was the news room of WBBM-AM in Chicago, asking if the FLASH NEWS report was real. I confirmed that, indeed, it was real and that I was actually dead, we laughed, and wondered just what the folks manning the master teletype at UPI were smoking that night. And that's where it ended.
Except WGN Radio, 50KW blowtorch that covers most of the US and Canada at night, ran the story. My grandmother in New Mexico heard it and called Momzerduck in a panic. Whoops.
So that's the night I was on the board when Duckford was destroyed. Funny, I don't feel dead...
UPDATE: Forgot to mention that we late found out what really occurred. The National Weather Service office in Kansas City was running a test of their systems by sending test messages out via their network. The test messages, which I covered above, were supposed to have a special header that would send them out, but prevent the teletypes across the country from printing them. Somehow, the messages were sent out without that header, resulting in the destruction of Duckford. In later conversations with friends of mine at other, larger, Duckford radio stations, they were getting phone calls all night from media outlets across the country, asking if it was the straight dope. I still wonder how many people were fired because of this snafu...
A moment later, the bell rang again:
******FLASH NEWS******
The city of Duckford, Illinois, population 125000, was destroyed tonight by a mile-wide tornado. The tornado moved from northwest to southeast, cutting directly through the second largest city in the state. Thousands are feared dead. The National Weather Service in Chicago, Illinois, reported the funnel cloud was moving at 40 miles an hour, and may have been a F5 in power, the strongest possible. More to follow...Hm. Really? After checking on the state of the show, I strolled out of the station. Clear sky above. Walking to the parking lot, I could see the usual glow of the city lights (the station was about a mile east of the limit of Duckford, and there weren't any buildings within a couple of miles). Returning to the booth, I ran the commercial break, then called Momzerduck at the Old Home Pond. No problems at all, just a light breeze.
Chuckling, I pinned the printout to the bulletin board in the newsroom and returned to the studio... at which point the phone "rang" (actually, it lighted up. As you can figure, a ringing phone in a radio booth doesn't work well). It was the news room of WBBM-AM in Chicago, asking if the FLASH NEWS report was real. I confirmed that, indeed, it was real and that I was actually dead, we laughed, and wondered just what the folks manning the master teletype at UPI were smoking that night. And that's where it ended.
Except WGN Radio, 50KW blowtorch that covers most of the US and Canada at night, ran the story. My grandmother in New Mexico heard it and called Momzerduck in a panic. Whoops.
So that's the night I was on the board when Duckford was destroyed. Funny, I don't feel dead...
UPDATE: Forgot to mention that we late found out what really occurred. The National Weather Service office in Kansas City was running a test of their systems by sending test messages out via their network. The test messages, which I covered above, were supposed to have a special header that would send them out, but prevent the teletypes across the country from printing them. Somehow, the messages were sent out without that header, resulting in the destruction of Duckford. In later conversations with friends of mine at other, larger, Duckford radio stations, they were getting phone calls all night from media outlets across the country, asking if it was the straight dope. I still wonder how many people were fired because of this snafu...
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03:34 PM
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November 19, 2009
Radio
In lieu of anything anime, F1 or rubber duckie to post about (one day there will be an anime about a rubber duckie that drives a F1 car and I'll have to shut The Pond down out of sheer joy), I'll instead talk to you about one of the great loves of my life.
Radio.
As a young duckling, I grew up listening to "The Great 89", WLS-AM outta Chicago. This was back before they turned into the talk radio abomination they are now, and instead played music from high atop the downtown Burger King. John Records Landecker (and yes, Records truly was his real name) brought his "boogiecheck-boogiecheck-ooh-AH" into Pond Central, amusing this fresh out of the shell duck every night. Les Grobstein, the sports newscaster is a legend in Chicago, and has recently returned to the airwaves, too. Lyle Dean, the main newsman, had the greatest voice ever.
But it was Larry "Superjock" Lujack and Tommy Edwards that truly warped my brain. As "Uncle Lar" and "Lil' Snotnose Tommy", they reported on bizarre goings-on in the animal kingdom in their world-famous Animal Stories segment. Just hearing Lil' Tommy break up puts a smile on my face. Better'n a shiny new dime!
But I grew up wanting to be Larry Lujack. It didn't happen, but it was a nice dream while it lasted. I only spent 10 years in the business and never made more than $7.00/hr at it, but it was the greatest job I could ever hope to have.
On Memorial Day in recent years, WLS has taken to bringing back some of their legendary voices for a full day of remembering the good ol' days. Here's some snippets from the 2007 "Big 89 Rewind":
You know what? This post went a completely different direction from what I was planning.
Radio.
As a young duckling, I grew up listening to "The Great 89", WLS-AM outta Chicago. This was back before they turned into the talk radio abomination they are now, and instead played music from high atop the downtown Burger King. John Records Landecker (and yes, Records truly was his real name) brought his "boogiecheck-boogiecheck-ooh-AH" into Pond Central, amusing this fresh out of the shell duck every night. Les Grobstein, the sports newscaster is a legend in Chicago, and has recently returned to the airwaves, too. Lyle Dean, the main newsman, had the greatest voice ever.
But it was Larry "Superjock" Lujack and Tommy Edwards that truly warped my brain. As "Uncle Lar" and "Lil' Snotnose Tommy", they reported on bizarre goings-on in the animal kingdom in their world-famous Animal Stories segment. Just hearing Lil' Tommy break up puts a smile on my face. Better'n a shiny new dime!
But I grew up wanting to be Larry Lujack. It didn't happen, but it was a nice dream while it lasted. I only spent 10 years in the business and never made more than $7.00/hr at it, but it was the greatest job I could ever hope to have.
On Memorial Day in recent years, WLS has taken to bringing back some of their legendary voices for a full day of remembering the good ol' days. Here's some snippets from the 2007 "Big 89 Rewind":
You know what? This post went a completely different direction from what I was planning.
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November 15, 2009
Broken
I've tried to avoid writing a post like this, but I can't do it anymore. If you don't want a closer look at the person behind The Pond, then don't click on 'More', and enjoy the pretty picture.
more...
-Sora no Manimani, ep12
more...
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November 10, 2009
Ask Wonderduck (almost) Anything!
It's time for a new thing here at The Pond: Ask Wonderduck (almost) Anything!
Here's how this works... you ask a question, and I'll answer it! Dead simple! But wait, there's more! The best question (in my opinion) will get a full-length post devoted to the answer!
Now, there are a few questions I won't answer: anything related to current politics or religion. I started The Pond lo these many years ago in an attempt to get away from political or religious squabbles, and to this day I've pretty much managed to stay clear of those things. If you DO ask a question related to such topics, please expect to be mocked horribly.
But wait, there's even more!
If you ask a technical question, I'll do my best to answer it correctly, but use it at your own risk. So if you ask, say, "how do I install a left-handed widget in my 2002 Kia Econobox," the results are on your head, not mine.
With all that out of the way, Ask Wonderduck (almost) Anything!
How often do you get a chance to ask a hyper-intelligent duck that can type a question, after all?
Here's how this works... you ask a question, and I'll answer it! Dead simple! But wait, there's more! The best question (in my opinion) will get a full-length post devoted to the answer!
Now, there are a few questions I won't answer: anything related to current politics or religion. I started The Pond lo these many years ago in an attempt to get away from political or religious squabbles, and to this day I've pretty much managed to stay clear of those things. If you DO ask a question related to such topics, please expect to be mocked horribly.
But wait, there's even more!
If you ask a technical question, I'll do my best to answer it correctly, but use it at your own risk. So if you ask, say, "how do I install a left-handed widget in my 2002 Kia Econobox," the results are on your head, not mine.
With all that out of the way, Ask Wonderduck (almost) Anything!
How often do you get a chance to ask a hyper-intelligent duck that can type a question, after all?
Posted by: Wonderduck at
07:19 PM
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November 09, 2009
Tatamon?
This is the Tata Nano:
It has a two-cylinder engine that generates 35hp. It is capable of accelerating to 37mph in eight seconds. It can seat four. The trunk does not open. It gets about 55mpg. It costs approximately $2200, making it the least expensive production car in the world.
It was apparently designed by Satoshi Tajiri:
This post was blatantly stolen from Top Gear, season 11, episode 03, in celebration of the new season, beginning Sunday, November 14th.
And because I couldn't think of anything else to post.
It has a two-cylinder engine that generates 35hp. It is capable of accelerating to 37mph in eight seconds. It can seat four. The trunk does not open. It gets about 55mpg. It costs approximately $2200, making it the least expensive production car in the world.
It was apparently designed by Satoshi Tajiri:
This post was blatantly stolen from Top Gear, season 11, episode 03, in celebration of the new season, beginning Sunday, November 14th.
And because I couldn't think of anything else to post.
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12:04 AM
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November 06, 2009
Remember That Torpedo 8 Detachment?
The first combat experience of the Grumman TBF (latter named the Avenger) came at the Battle of Midway, with a detachment of planes from Torpedo 8. We all know how that turned out: five TBFs shot down, and the sixth a flying sieve.
The pilot of the surviving TBF was Ensign Bert Earnest. He later went on to fight with VT-8 at Guadalcanal. He retired from the Navy as a Captain. Along the way, he earned a Purple Heart, two Air Medals, and three Navy Crosses.
Albert K Earnest, CAPT USN (RET) passed away on October 26th at the age of 92.
May he rest in peace.
The pilot of the surviving TBF was Ensign Bert Earnest. He later went on to fight with VT-8 at Guadalcanal. He retired from the Navy as a Captain. Along the way, he earned a Purple Heart, two Air Medals, and three Navy Crosses.
Albert K Earnest, CAPT USN (RET) passed away on October 26th at the age of 92.
May he rest in peace.
Posted by: Wonderduck at
06:23 PM
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