September 29, 2022

3m07s + A Shower

For the record: standing up is really tiring. You don't notice it because you're healthy, but take it from me. Hard work, this standing thing. It'll never catch on.


Shower was nice, too. First one this month, thanks to my roommate pretending that he's Turkey and the gap between the corner of his bed and the opposite wall, the Dardanelles and my custom wheelchair an aircraft carrier.  With its big offroad tires it does not fit in the Dardanelles, and Turkey my roommate refuses passage.

So something that should only take a minute or two and a single CNA, tops, becomes instead a massive headache that needs two or three CNAs and about 10 minutes. Half that if the crew has done it a few times before.

And all this backing and filling and hemming and hawing happened just a short time after therapy. By the time I crawled back into bed my shoulders ached and the headache from the Straits of Turkey had flared into something truly special. 

But, hey... 3m07s.

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September 12, 2022

Medical Indignities

So. Hi everybody! A little over a week ago, I went to the hospital for a planned procedure to deal with a kidneystone. The good news is that this stone had been located in a kidney... go figure, right?... back when all this crap began, and now it was in the bladder. PROGRESS!


The procedure is called a lithotripsy... spelling may be different in real life... which is a fancy way to say that they were going to run a camera attached to a super laser pointer up my lil' wonderducky and pretend to be the Death Star during its visit to Alderaan and break up the stone. 

From all reports the procedure went well, and after a 10am zapfest, I was back here by 4pm. Still a little zoned from the anesthesia they used, but otherwise cool. I even managed to eat half a peanut butter & jelly sandwich around 7pm.

At 8pm, I began reviewing inputs into the garbage can. Repeatedly. Until 3am, at which point I was taken back to the hospital. There was blood. 

IVs were inserted. Anti-nausea meds and saline solution were pushed to try and make life worth living again. Then once again, I was admitted for another stay on Tony's Body Shop, about 10 hours after the fun started. I stayed there until Sunday afternoon. The ceiling tiles were boring.

In between those times, I had two different doctors tell me that they were going to do things to my innards, coming from either end. In both cases, I would be anesthetized.

I told both of them no. Why did they think I was there in the first place? Right, I handled the sleepyjuice badly.  I'm not fond of medical personnel ignoring everything else to do their thing, then just flat out saying we're doing it. If it ain't a true must-do, at least consult with me, mmmkay? You'll catch more flies with honey than you will trying to push the fly into the jar. 

Somewhere around 10pm Friday, I fell asleep. Other than for medical things, I slept until early Sunday, then came back here.

Somewhere on Monday, I used the bucket. As I did so, something felt... wrong. Very wrong. Then, just as I began wondering if my prescription for pain pills had been filled, everything exploded. Once I got my eyes to stop spinning, I examined the bucket.

You know how in the bottom of a fish tank, there's a layer of gravel-like stones?  Apparently I had just expelled a fish tank from lil' wonderducky. I thought that the doc would be removing the kidneystone debris. I was wrong. Lot of it, though.

The pain meds didn't arrive until three days later. Now fast forward to this Saturday past and I'm looking up something on the hospital's patient portal and I see the report on the Death Star's visit to Alderaan. Curious, I began reading... and stopped dead when I reached the part where they broke up a 23mm stone... just under one inch in diameter. Thank whatever it is that watches out for ducks and idiots that it DIDN'T try to come out on its own.

I'm still passing bits and pieces, but the pain med helps. It also gives me the munchies. 


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September 01, 2022

Mental Note

When you've still got anesthesia in you, DONT EAT A PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH.


It will not end well.

Posted by: Wonderduck at 07:08 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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