January 30, 2022
Hospital pt3 - So Sick I Felt Fine
Sleep, when it finally did come,was not of the highest quality. But it DID eventually happen between nurse incursions. Blood pressure was watched carefully overnight... I vaguely remember telling them to just leave the cuff on my arm, it'd save time. If I did tell them that, they didn't take my advice. They finally did get the stereo equipment plugged in, but it was much improved from when I had the monitoring stuff back in 2005. Still had enough cabling to control an Aegis cruiser's coffeemaker from the 12 sticky pads stuck to my chest, but the box they ran to was smaller and lighter. Still too heavy to put in the hospital gown's pocket though... my lovely frock was quickly disheveled, pulled into a plunging V-neck that'd be illegal in 17 states and Switzerland. However, instead of a big cable running from that to the wall, it had wifi. Of course. Everything has wifi anymore. Somewhere around 3am I could take no more and slept the sleep of the innocent.
Two hours later I was awakened by a frantic electrical *beep*ing, quickly followed by a fast-moving nurse. Turns out three of the leads on my chest had worked themselves free of their pads, and the machine interpreted that as signs of imminent death. Reassured that I was not, in fact, shuffling off this particular mortal coil, the nurse decided to remove the old pads and hook up a wah-wah pedal, too. How could anybody had known just how the adhesive on the pads would react to the feathers on my chest? All the skin on the front of my body came off with the yanking of the pads.
Business began to pick up at 7am. Shift change occurred, a nurse held the bucket for me, blood was taken, medications hung, and breakfast served. Break Fast literally in my case. Pancakes, sausage, thick gooey oatmeal? Heh. I like that version of life. A thin gruel that seemed to have been genetically related to Cream o' Wheet, a half-slice of wheat toast with a tiny amount of butter, and a glass of water. I couldn't finish it.
9am brought the conversation I had wanted: doctor time! Or, more correctly doctors, plural. The first talked with me about the blood clot. It was fairly large, but they believed it'd respond well to the blood thinners. Surgery was theoretically possible, but very unlikely. Everything would have to go horribly wrong for it to be a thing. Deep deep inside me, a little voice started to chant "you're gonna need it, you're gonna need it." Thats when it was the other doctor's turn. He introduced himself, and I realized the other doctor had pulled a Batman and completely disappeared. The doc explained that not only did the Donut and the Ultrasound fund the bloodclot, it found a kidneystone, too. Hooray!
In a day or two they were going to take me in for a Procedure. They'd run a probe up my Lil' Wonderduckie and to my right kidney where they'd stick a stent up there to encourage the stone to go a-wanderin'. Then they'd install a catheter too. I suspect my cringe could be felt in Chicago... everything I've ever heard about catheters made it perfectly clear I never wanted one, ever. But wait, there's more! Remember that nurse who asked about the urine's smell? They apparently used it for a testing sample. I had an infection, and not a small one, either. With that, a whole bunch of puzzle pieces fell into place. I had a whole series of symptoms for years... I've even written about them here occasionally... but never all at the same time. For an idiot like me, they didn't particularly cause any red flags to fly. The worst was a sudden back or neck pain, followed by bad chills. It would only last for a few hours, then disappear like nothing had happened.
But most of the time, I felt fine. I didn't even have a hint of the kidneystone. The antibiotic would flow immediately... but not before the vampires came by again. But after that... well, in fact, something else had to take place first. Something very, very important.
I needed to void solids. And then, proving to me that nurses are very odd, the nurse was pleased. She left the room for a minute. Upon her return, she held out the other thing I didn't ever want to see. In fact, it was presented with a flourish worthy of any courtier in a fantasy castle.
A bedpan.
Oh, crap...
Next Time: More Zombies.
Also Next Time: Hospital pt4: I Only THOUGHT I Was Embarrassed Before.
Posted by: Wonderduck at
11:10 AM
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1
nope nope nope nOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOEP!
Posted by: GreyDuck at January 30, 2022 08:56 PM (rKFiU)
2
I am SO VERY GLAD you're back!
Posted by: Ed Hering at January 31, 2022 10:49 AM (yKa6S)
3
Bedpans. I hated bedpans. and I know to what you refer about embarrassment But damn glad you're back..
Posted by: ubu roi at February 08, 2022 10:20 PM (UlsdO)
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