Voting Is Now Open

That's right, you read that correctly.  I have an urge.  I have a need.  I have an itch, which the doctor gave me an ointment for but never mind that now.  I have... a hunger.  I must do my annual episodic series recap.  Two years ago, it was Ga-Rei Zero.  Last year, Rio Rainbow Gate! was both my muse and my bane.  And now, it is time for me to strike whimper suck recap again... and I'm going to let YOU, my endearing readers that I lovingly call The Pond Scum, vote on what series I'll do.  Here are the candidates:

High School Of The Dead

Zombie Apocalypse meets Japanese High Schoolers in a fight to the death... undeath... whatever.  Great action, hideously top-heavy female character designs, comedy... what's not to like?

Toshokan Sensou (Library Wars)

In the not-too-distant future (next Sunday A.D.), the Government cracks down on books and magazines it deems offensive.  Naturally, the nation's librarians take up arms against the oppressors.  Or something like that.  Not terrible art, some fun times, action, romance... what's not to like?

Black Lagoon

The times are grim.  The times are dark.  Nuns and maids are heavily armed.  And everybody has a toothache.  Violence, awfully black humor, good art, and you see a helicopter shot down by a torpedo.  For what it's worth, the seiyuu for Revy, Megumi Toyoguchi, has a voice like liquid sex... not that you'll be able to hear it on here.

Blood-C

Schoolgirl is a little klutzy, a little dim, quite friendly, and able to kill everybody within a 50m radius using her sword without breaking a sweat.  Fortunately, she's just a demon hunter.  Or is she?  Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!  The most recent show of the four, it's got the best art and the worst hairstyle I've ever seen (see above).  Also: grim, dark, toothache.  Or is it?

So those are your choices.  Consider them wisely, for your mind may be at stake.  Mine is already forfeit.  Balloting is open until 1159pm Sunday, March 4th.  One vote per reader (unless you're from Chicago).  Leave your choice in the comments.  No write-ins.  The top rung is not to be used as a step.  Huh, will you look at that: "breach hull, all die."  I even had it underlined.  Make your picks, place your bets!

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Katawa Shoujo: The Review

Over five years ago, a particular bit of colorized doujin art from the year 2000 made its way to the 4chan image boards, where it made quite the splash.  So much of one that some denizens of that board decided to follow the original artist's intentions and turn the artwork into a ren'ai game.  Two years later, the group (now calling itself 4Leaf Studios, or "4LS") brought out a demo.  The demo, entitled "Act I", was a hit and brought quite a bit of attention to the game.  And then... three more years would pass before 4LS announced that the full game would be released before the end of 2011.  Shortly before that deadline, they moved the date to January 4th, 2012; five years to the day that a particular bit of colorized doujin art hit 4chan. 

Nobody on the staff of 4LS had ever made a game before.  The amount of work involved in such an endeavor is daunting, but they certainly pulled it off; they did release a game.  The question, though, is just how good is it?  To be truthful, it's hard to imagine it being any good at all considering the topic material.  Disabled high school students?  A dating sim about disabled high school students?  Controversial, to say the least.  When Act I came out, a common reaction was "...that game makes me ill, what's wrong with those people?"  So now that the full version has been released, what's the real verdict?


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Carnival Phantasm Ep09: Oh, SO Disappointing!

Type-Moon's 10th Anniversary OVA Carnival Phantasm has been consistently hilarious throughout its run, even when you aren't all that familiar with the characters being parodied.  For example, I've never seen Tsukihime, but I've been laughing harder at those skits than the Fate/Stay Night-based ones... and F/SN is one of my favorite shows.

However, I had heard a rumor that the 9th episode of Carnival Phantasm was going to be something I would find truly special... a Grand Prix race using the F/SN characters.  Eh?  Really?  So it was with a sense of  excitement that I started the episode... and imagine my surprise when the rumors appeared to be true!

Ooh! 

OOH!!

WHOA!!!
My heavens, could it be true?  I mean, sure, there was going to be silly things going on, but it really looked like we'd be getting a Formula 1 Grand Prix-style race for our enjoyment!  We haven't seen one of those since Yakitate Japan Ep44!  I was actually excited. 

Oh.  Never mind.  Wacky Races... or maybe Scramble Wars.  Darn it (*kicks imaginary pebble, sulks*).

I mean, Carnival Phantasm was probably the best chance I had to retire from blogging!  As I said somewhere, if there's ever an anime with F1 and rubber duckies involved, I'd shut The Pond down with no regrets.  And CP just blew it.  Oh well... better luck next time.

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Rio Rainbow Gate! ep14

After I escaped from the clutches of Rio Rainbow Gate! episode 13, I thought I was quit of the whole thing.  After all, the series was over... it was done, and though they left a small window open for a second series, nobody in their right mind would ever authorize a sequel, right?  Right.  At least, that's what I keep telling myself... it helps me sleep at night.  Then in Japan, they began to release the DVDs and BDs and my heart sank.  There were to be seven discs, with two episodes per disc... but there were only thirteen episodes released.  That meant there was going to be an extra episode made... and I was going to have to return to my worst nightmare.  There was still hope, though: no fansub groups seemed to be interested in doing the BD releases.  When the release date came and went for the final disc with no sign of Ep14, I rejoiced.  Maybe it wouldn't have to happen after all!  But as time went on, I began to... worry.  I became nervous.  I jumped in my seat a little bit every time I saw the letter "R" on a torrent file at the usual sites.  I stopped eating.  My hair began to fall out.  My eyebrows grew at a furious rate.  A visit to the doctor returned the expected diagnosis: I was suffering from excessive stress.  Since everything else in my life was going more or less as normal, it was obvious what was causing my problems... the tension involved with the non-release of the bonus episode was at fault.  Days and weeks stretched to months.  Time seemed to slow down, every minute feeling like an hour.  A gray pall fell over the world, though to be fair that was because I neglected to clean my glasses.  I began to haunt the three fansub groups that had broken down and released some BD subs, alternately anticipating the notification that they'd completed the extra episode and hoping that they hadn't.  Sleep became difficult to achieve.  What remained of my hair turned white.  I realized that the lack of RRG! was killing me even more effectively than its presence would.  When the episode finally came out, the release of the tension caused me to pass out.  I awoke hours later with the notification that the download had completed shining on my computer monitor.  With trembling fingers, I double-clicked the file and settled back into my computer chair, and much to my surprise, I smiled... and at that moment, I realized something important.  This is my destiny, my fate.  I must do this, just as a lemming must execute a forward triple-somersault with a twist from the pike position off a cliff in Norway.  

The city of Townsville!  Casino Island, how I've missed you with your towering skyscrapers that we never really saw in the original thirteen episodes.  It's good to be back... it's like coming home and finding a fresh cup of hot chocolate waiting for you in the kitchen.  Until you realize that you live alone and you have no idea how the hot chocolate was made, until you see the burglar come out of the connecting hallway with a bag full of your stuff over his arm.  Yeah, it's exactly like that. 

A brisk morning ocean breeze blows over the Island, wafting a discarded eggroll wrapper towards the Casino that gave the island its name... and didn't the casino rise directly over the water before?  Ah, Rio Rainbow Gate! Production Staff , it's been much too long.  I've missed your lack of attention to detail, much like I miss a painfully decayed tooth that's been pulled out of my head by wrapping a string around it and attaching the other end to the back of a Top Fuel dragster.  Yeah, it's exactly like that.

Actually, the discarded eggroll wrapper was last seen in Ep11.  For those who don't remember, and how I wish I could be counted amongst your number, that's the episode that saw The Usual Suspects attempt to break Evil Cartia's grip on the "stolen" Casino Island by gambling and winning away all her fortune.  Realizing that this was only a minor challenge, she called for "Ten," a young girl who had the power to control anything, as long as it was made in China.  In that episode, she turned Mint's bear, Chocco, into a real girl named An-An.  I don't believe I just typed that from memory. 

Meanwhile in the slums of Casino Island, a terribly late-running Anya makes a vow: to get out of this horrible show as soon as she can, maybe land in a Noitamina production... heck, she'd sign up for a guest appearance in Ben-To right now, that's much better than being in this mess to go an entire day without tripping over her own feet.  While for you or me this might not seem like so much of a much, for our Russian dealer this is akin to saying "I'm not going to breathe at all today."  That's right: impossible.  I'm sure our favorite Production Staff won't disappoint.  Unfortunately, they're not working on this show, we're stuck with the ones for Rio Rainbow Gate!.  After a brief glimpse of all the Usual Suspects as they get ready to greet the day, we're off to the races.

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It's Out! It's Out!

Ladies and Gentlemen, big news... DmonHiro has subbed Rio Rainbow Gate! Ep14!  It's downloading now.  I've managed to avoid all spoilers about what happens in it, so I'll be going into it cold.  Expect hell to come to breakfast on Saturday. 

Oh god, this is going to hurt.

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Be Afraid

I, and by association you, are living a charmed life.  The final BD of Rio Rainbow Gate! was released on October 19th, yet the bonus OVA that was contained therein has yet to hit the torrents.  While this may be a source of relief for you, for me it's just sheer torture.  I know it's out there.  Watching.  Waiting. 

Any minute now, it will, when I least expect it, suddenly appear on one of the torrent sites.  And then my life will, once again, become one of sheer torment and pain.  I will once again be subjected to the horrors that are RRG!, and like a lemming rushing headlong towards the edge of a precipice, I will be unable to do anything about it.  I will be forced to embrace the pain to entertain my readers one last time.

And yet, I find myself looking forward to the OVA.  I believe I am being irresistibly drawn to my self-inflicted agony, like a moth to a flame.  It seems so pretty and inviting and warm... then *poof!*  Moth flambe.

It's been over six months since the last episode aired.  Six months of knowing that hell will, indeed, be coming to breakfast.  It is merely a question of when.

Be afraid. 

Be afraid.  Like me.

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Space Battleship Yamato Live Action Movie

I don't think it's possible to be an anime fan of my generation and not be at least a little familiar with Space Battleship Yamato or its bastardized American version Star Blazers.  While I've never been a fan, growing up I certainly saw a few episodes of one or the other.  However, I understand that it's hugely popular in Japan, and to a certain extent, here as well.  Back in January of 2010, a teaser was released for a live action movie version of Space Battleship Yamato to great fanfare.  When the movie itself was released, it outgrossed the second-to-last Harry Potter film in Japan.  It was released on Blu-Ray a little over a month ago.  Yesterday, it hit the torrent sites.

In some ways, I'm not the person who should be reviewing this film.  After all, as I mentioned before I was never a fan of the original anime series.  I can't stand up and say "Oh, that targeting unit is in the wrong place, RAGE HAET ARRRRRRRGH!"  In other ways, however, I'm perfect... because I can't stand up and say "Oh, that targeting unit is in the wrong place."  I can just sit back and enjoy the movie as a movie, and criticize it fairly.  But I DO know enough about the series that I've got a sense of what it's trying to represent.  And how does it translate to the big screen?

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It's Time For A Show Of Hands

Okay, here's the gig.  As many of you know, I devoted a good three months of my life to the horror that is Rio Rainbow Gate!.  Tens of thousands of words, dozens of pictures, and many hours of agony were spent chronicling the so-called adventures of Rio Tachibana as she strove to become the Most Valuable Casino Dealer.  After the suffering was over, I even revisited Episodes 02 and 03, which I didn't review the first time around, just to be complete.

At which point, I figured I was done with the whole show and I could let the healing process begin.  But an unfortunate search of my archives for something completely unrelated to RRG! called my attention to an unsettling fact: in truth, my writeup for Episode 01 doesn't match the same theme or tone of the later ones.  In fact, it's downright evil in its vituperation for the show.  To be fair, I hadn't seen the whole series yet, hadn't truly embraced the stupid fun of its lack of seriousness, and hadn't yet had enough braincells killed off to appreciate it all.

So I come to you, my readers, with a question: do you want me to go back and do a full-fledged writeup of Rio Rainbow Gate! Episode 01, or are you tired of visiting Casino Island?  Leave your decision in the comments, please. 

My soul weeps, for I suspect I already know what the answer will be.

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NSFW For Dr John

On Wednesday, I had dinner with Vaucaunson's Duck and his father, Dr John.  This was something of an event, as it was the first time since 1986 that the three of us were in the same room at the same time.  Oh, don't get me wrong, I've hung out with Vauc many times since we graduated from high school, and I've visited with Dr John on more than a few occasions in the past 25 years, but never at the same time.  To say that the quips, barbs, vignettes and japes flowed freely... would be to understate the situation.  Drastically.  One or two blogpost ideas came out of the night as well, which was an unexpected bonus. 

But the high point of the night came from Dr John.  Vauc, myself and Dr J were sitting around the dinner table when the good Doctor mentioned that he'd been reading The Pond.  Certainly I knew this before, but it always gives me a little thrill when I hear it.  Indeed, at one point he watched a few episodes of Strike Witches because of this little collection of pixels and stupidity, which Vauc wasn't aware of previously.  The look on his face was priceless... anyway, back to the story.  Dr J said that one of his favorite parts of The Pond was "the acronym."

Huh?  "Yes, you know... NSFW.  It took me a while to figure out what it stood for, but..."  Cue guffaws and general amusement.  After I could breathe again, I mused that The Pond has been pretty clean for awhile.  "You have, and as a reader I'd like to lodge a formal request."  Cue more guffaws.

Okay Dr John, here you go... just click "more."

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Finishing Ga-Rei Zero

The Librarian and I watched another six episodes of Ga-Rei Zero tonight, which means we finished the entire series in two sittings.  For us, that's a record... and it says something about how much she liked it.  After Ep10, she asked what time it was, and how many episodes were left.  Despite having to be at work early, she said roll 'em.  I knew there was a reason I liked The Librarian.

Funimation did a decent job with the translation, near as I can tell.  I think I prefer the fansubs I first watched, though to be honest that might just be because it's the one I saw first.  Even having said that, I think "Bane Stone" isn't as ominous as "Death Stone."  Calling the baddies "ghosts" and "phantoms" works, I suppose, but seems... clumsy.  Worst of all, though, is that the people who fight the baddies are termed "Vanquishers," as opposed to "exorcists."  That's just poor.  It might be a literally correct translation, but it's dumb.

I haven't listened to the dub yet, though I suspect I will fairly soon.  Nor have I watched any of the extras, and there Funimation gets bonus points.  They put the extras on a separate DVD from the show, which is 12 episodes on two discs.  While I'd prefer four episodes per DVD, I can't complain about the visual quality that we've got... everything is sharp, well-defined, and the colors are quite a bit better than the fansubs that are out there.  The version I got is the "special" one, that also includes the entire series on Blu-Ray.  As I have no BD player, I can't comment on their quality. 

So Ga-Rei Zero, the package, contains five discs (three DVD, 2 BD) total... and a lot of fun.  Obviously I like the series, otherwise I never would have done those writeups (or bought the DVDs!), but I was a little surprised at how much I enjoyed watching it again.  I might have to revise its position in my Favorite Anime Of All Time list, from "Honorable Mention" to a numbered position.  I think I was unfair when I said that the series "just isn't that good."  It's no classic, true, but it's well worth the six hours you'll spend watching it.  And really, isn't that all you can ask for?

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Rio Rainbow Gate! The Lost Reviews: Ep03

So here we are: Episode 03 of Rio Rainbow Gate!.  The second and last of the "lost reviews" for the series.  Unlike the first of the lost reviews, for Ep02, Ep03 did get a little attention when it was first released, but nothing like what's about to occur.  As you'll soon see, this particular episode is actually pretty important to the overarching plot of RRG!, as thin and watery as that is.  The first time I watched it, I wrote it off as just another filler episode in a show chock full of them... now, with the benefit of knowing what happens, it becomes the catalyst for the rest of the series. 

Which doesn't make it any better, mind you.  It just makes it important that I inflict more psychic damage upon myself.  Great.  Well, without further ado, allow me to summon up the mind-flaying power of RRG! and Ep03! 

A beautiful day on Casino Island!  Quite the contrast to the constant thunderstorms plaguing the place in the later episodes, eh?  Entirely created and totally owned by Our Heroine's boss, The Owner, who has just purchased an abandoned casino on the edge of the island.  Wait, what?  I'm confused.  Casino Island and everything on it is 100% the property of The Owner, but he just bought a place that was there before the island existed?  Logic, meet Rio Rainbow Gate!. I'm sure the two of you will attempt to murder each other within seconds get along famously.

Misery Castle was owned by a young woman who loved only two things in life: gambling and chicken wings.  She ran a casino in the basement until she lost it all to a high roller.  Since then, the Castle sat derelict on Casino Island (wha?) until The Owner took it over and decided to make it another of his classic attractions.  The casino is in the process of being restored to its original condition, and he expects it to be quite the moneymaker. 

Rio objects, pointing out that she's already working seven days a week and can't be expected to work here and at the main casino and train Anya too.  No problem, because The Owner has hired another dealer, someone with experience.  In any case, it's going to be a while before the place is ready to go.  Our Heroine is somewhat taken aback... jealousy, Rio?... but doesn't complain.  Much.

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Ga-Rei Zero ep04: How Could I Have Missed That Joke?

Last night, Pond Central had a visit from The Librarian for our not-quite-weekly night of Chinese food and Japanese animation.  Instead of carrying on with Bamboo Blade (which we'll resume later), I kinda insisted that we watch a different series, one that we can finish in three or four sessions.  That series?

Oh heck yeah!  The Schoolgirl In Black, the Schoolgirl in White, the Rocket-powered Wheelchair of Awesome, Laser Weasels, Pocky, the works!  It's finally out on DVD and Blu-Ray, and of course it joined my collection as soon as it was available.  High art it's not, but it is a fun show. 

What was really enjoyable was watching The Librarian watch it.  From her questions before I hit play, it was clear that she hadn't read the episodic review I did last year (actually, she doesn't come 'round The Pond very often), so I was understandably curious what her reaction would be to Episode 01.  For those of you who don't remember, that's the one where they introduce the cast, put them into two harrowing situations, have them work through the problems in a calm and professional manner, gets you to like them... then the Schoolgirl in Black kills them all off in about thirty seconds.  The Production Staff for Ga-ReiZero even went as far as to make all their pre-airing promotional material focus entirely on the cast of Ep01, so to make their deaths even more of a shock.  The Librarian's reaction when Ep01 faded to black?  "Wait, that's it?  That's the whole show?  It's over?"  I didn't get to have that experience the first time I saw the show as I knew that there was more show coming... if the Production Staff is reading, rest assured that your efforts did not go to waste.  You done good.

Now understand... when Anime Night comes around, The Librarian and I usually watch two or three episodes of whatever show is on our docket, then we call it a night.  This time though, when we hit the end of Ep03, she asked how many episodes were on the DVD.  I said "six," and she replied "I've got time."   We wound up watching all six episodes, which ties a record for us (we saw six episodes of  Kanon '06 a few years back) and I suspect we'll finish up next week.  Definitely a hit.

As we watched Ep04, it dawned on me that I had completely missed a gag in the show...

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Finally, A Gem For The Spring 2011 Season

A few days ago, I bemoaned how the Spring 2011 season was doing nothing for me.  To be sure, there were a few series that had potential, but nothing had grabbed my attention and made me excited as of yet.  Shows like Nichijou or A Channel, though they should have waist-high batting practice fastballs right down the center of the plate for me, had just failed to engage my interest.

Well, as of last night, that's changed.  There is one show that was so entertaining that it made me I watched not one, not two, but three episodes back to back and make me immediately wish for more.  That show is Hanasaku Iroha.

At its heart, HanaIro is a classic fish-out-of-water story.  Ohana is sent to live with her grandmother by her dissolute mother.  Grandma runs a old-fashioned hot springs inn out in the country, and has been estranged from Ohana's mother for some years.  When Ohana arrives she's told that she's not a guest, she's going to have to work for her room and board.  Our Heroine, a noisy city girl, immediately alienates the other employees with her graceless words and actions.  Slowly coming to the realization that she has to make the best of the situation, she sets about making things right.  Hijinks (and some Japanese rope bondage) ensue.

Obviously Ohana is the straw that stirs the drink, but unless her character has something to work off of, it doesn't much matter how engaging she is.  Fortunately, HanaIro has secondary characters that are the equal to Our Heroine.  An apprentice chef that seriously wants Ohana to die, a quiet waitress that thinks Our Heroine is scary, a martinet Grandmother, a prying head waitress, the heir to the inn (Ohana's uncle), the stoic head chef and his energetic assistant, even the required ancient handyman.  Oh, and the guest that's a failed writer trying to make ends meet via erotic fiction, can't forget about him.

Everybody can keep up, character-wise, with Ohana, a tribute to this effort by PA Works.  Maybe the show as a whole won't be able to stay at the energy level its been at for the first three episodes, but it's gonna be a blast finding out.  Heck, it made it me laugh out loud a couple of times, is what I'm saying.  Highly recommended.

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What's Wonderduck Watching? Spring 2011 Edition

Or, more correctly, "what's Wonderduck not watching?"  I've been a fan of anime for a long time.  I became a diehard fan maybe ten years ago, and was a casual fan for some years before that.  Over the years, my desire to participate in this hobby has been universally high; shows may come and go, both good and bad, but I've always enjoyed the actual watching of them.  Until now.

Which is weird.  Readers of The Pond know my tastes: slice-of-life, romantic comedy, melodrama, that sort of thing.  "Cute girls doing cute things in cute ways" would be a good description of the type of show I generally go for.  Throw in the occasional action-based series that catches my eye at the right time, and you've got me pretty much covered. 

Knowing that, the Spring 2011 season has a good handful of shows that may as well have been written specifically for me.  Yet I find that, not only am I not particularly enthused about them, I'm having a hard time watching whole episodes at a time.

Let's take a look at what isn't catching my fancy this time around, shall we?

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Rio Rainbow Gate! The Lost Reviews: Ep02

^{(Wonderduck's note: my internet connection went down again, just before I finished this.  It was supposed to go up Thursday night... the best laid plans of ducks and men...)}

I do not believe I'm doing this.  I thought I had finished with these things, but somewhere in the back of my mind, there was a little figure in a shrimp costume that keep nagging me: "You've left something incomplete."  Sure enough, back when RRG! first started airing, I reviewed Ep01, made a brief comment for Ep03, then carried on every week from there.  But I never did a full writeup for Ep02, and Ep03 deserves one as well, if only because of that's when Rina joins the cast.  So sit back, relax, buckle in and strap it down, because I'm going back into hell.  I'm going back to Casino Island.  I'm going back to...

Do not pray for my immortal soul, friends, for it's already been damned to suffer eternal torment by viewing this show.  Just spare a thought for the agonies I am about to endure for your enjoyment, and when you think of me... think well.

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Rio Rainbow Gate! Final Thoughts

Before I get started, let me make one thing perfectly clear: Rio Rainbow Gate! is not a good anime series.  I don't even think I can manipulate things in a way to even make it "average."  It's just not good.  That's all there is to it.

Having said that, let me try and explain just exactly why I not only watched all thirteen episodes, but spent hours on episodic reviews for each one.  This is going to come as quite the shock to anybody who's read those writeups, but I gotta admit... I think I actually liked RRG!.  In my review of the first episode, I described a concept known as "fun-bad."  Fun-bad is a point in which something is so terrible that it's fun to experience.  I used the 2010 Chicago Cubs as an example; losing a pop fly in the sun is bad.  Losing a pop fly in a gatorade bucket is fun-bad.  I also said that RRG! blew past fun-bad so quickly that it never acknowledged the existence of such a possibility.  In that, I was wrong. 

RRG! has a sense of the ridiculous about it that it seemed to embrace, intentionally or otherwise, as the show went on.  Stupidly over-the-top card games were just the beginning.  Supernatural possession, holographic space sharks, flying hotels, magical spells that only affect things made in China, giant water slides as casino games, headless androids, tentacle monsters, and many many things more... all of this is not only not uncommon in Rio's World, but not even thought of as strange.  It's a world where people can walk around in a shrimp costume and not be looked at twice.

As much as I joked about how the show didn't have a plot and any attempt to add one should result in extreme measures being taken against the Production Staff, there actually was one... and an evolving one at that.  What started out as a "gotta-catch-em-all/monster-of-the-week" thing with the Gate battles (each one more over-the-top that the preceding) turned into a story of revenge, betrayal and redemption with the inclusion of Rina.  To be sure, it wasn't a deep plot by any means, but it did become something slightly thicker than your average sheet of paper.  Praising with faint damns, I know, but there you are.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't really have a reason for liking RRG! other than the awe-inspiring level of stupid that pervades every frame of the series.  Anime, like everything else in life, doesn't have to be Art to be entertaining.  In fact, I'd place RRG! as my second-favorite series of the Winter anime season, behind only Puella Magi Madoka Magica.  It certainly ranks far above shows like Fractale and Kore Wa Zombie Desu Ka, two series that had a lot of promise that flamed out spectacularly.  RRG! had no such pretensions, and rose above my expectations.  To be fair, I had nothing but disdain for RRG! so that's no great achievement, but it's better than a kick in the teeth.

Oh, who am I kidding?

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Rio Rainbow Gate! ep13

Captive's Log Day 89:  It's been nearly three months since I was last free.  Nearly three months since the torture began.  Nearly three months since my sanity began to fade.  Nearly three months since I was first subjected to the nightmare that is Rio Rainbow Gate!.  How was I to know what that first viewing would do to me, both short- and long-term?  At first I resisted... I knew what the Production Staff was trying to do, and I refused to let them break me.  Slowly, however, they weaseled their way under my barriers and I began to... care.  Care about the show.  Care about the characters.  Care about the ultimate outcome.  It was Stockholm Syndrome, a classic case if there ever was one.  The bastards nearly had me then.  Somehow, I got through it with some shreds of sanity and human decency left.  Then I began to hate.  I nurtured that hate and rage and anger as a way to get me through whatever they decided to do to me.  It worked.  I've managed to make it to the end.  One last episode to go and then I'm a free man.  There's nothing they can do to me that'll make the pain any worse, for I can see the end.  I've done it.  I'll have survived Rio Rainbow Gate!.  Come, Production Staff, one last dance... for old time's sake.  Then I'll quit you forever.

We pick up mere minutes after the end of Ep12, with the final Gate Battle still in progress.  Our Heroine and her sister are locked in a cutthroat game of poker, the first to win fifteen hands is victorious.  The winner gets all 13 Gates, becomes only the second Most Valuable Card Dealer ever, and will get to "see the rainbow," whatever that means.  The loser?  We'd rather not think about that, but it probably involves holographic flying sharks.  When we last saw the game, Rina was up two games to zero.  The situation has changed somewhat.

The looks on the faces of the Usual Suspects says it all.  Stunned disbelief.  Growing despair.  A sense of loss, a sense of failure.  Depression.  Sadness.  Hopelessness.  In short, the entire Rio Rainbow Gate! experience, all in one screenshot.  Our Heroine has lost thirteen hands in a row, and as we watch, the fourteenth goes to Rina as well.

The amount of raw smug coming off of Rina is amazing as she mocks her sister's performance.  The culmination of her life's ambition is at hand, her vengeance nearly complete.

And yet, for someone about to be completely embarrassed, Rio seems to be remarkably unconcerned... almost like she knows something nobody else does.  In fact, her attitude begins to rankle Rina, who actually gets angry.  The Owner yells from the crowd that Rio doesn't need to throw the game to make up for her past transgressions against her sister, that it's all right to win... and Rina goes full psycho, screaming accusations across the table.  Rio just smiles and says something to the effect of "it's just the way the cards are falling.  Isn't that the way casino games are supposed to work?"  The final hand is dealt.

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Rio Rainbow Gate! ep12

There are times when I question my own sanity.  Like tonight, for instance.  It's the last night of a mini-vacation for me, four days away from the Duck U Bookstore.  On my DVR are three movies I really want to watch, I've got laundry to fold, and all in all there's plenty of things I could be doing.  Instead, I find myself watching Episode 12 of Rio Rainbow Gate!, a show which is really quite bad.  So this is one of those times when I question my obviously tenuous grasp on what remains of my sanity.  Why in the world do I subject myself to this? 

The virtuous answer would be "so you, my readers, don't have to," but honestly I'd prefer company in my misery.  Near as I can tell, I'm the only blogger regularly covering RRG!; certainly I've looked hither and yon for another and come up empty.  The selfish answer would be "to inflict this misery on others," but I try to avoid being sadistic usually.  The frightening answer is "I secretly enjoy this drek."  While there might be some kernel of truth to this one, there have been plenty of shows I like more that I've written about less... or at all, for that matter.  There's the historical answer: "I'm recording this for posterity, for the chance that future generations will see it and not make the same mistake," which, while admirable, is just bull hockey.  I'd hate to think that we're the only ones in history stupid enough to create a RRG!.   No, I believe there is only one true correct answer.

Nobody is as saddened by this revelation as me.  I liked to think I had come somewhat farther than that in my thinking as I've gotten older, but apparently maturity has evaded me.  Sad, really... particularly because RRG! is pretty tame as far as fanservice shows go.  But yet, here I am, spending hours blogging about it.  Lord knows it isn't for the plot, the characterization, the action, the artwork or the humor.  So what's left?

We open sometime after the end of Episode 11, with a formal contract being signed by The Owner, evil Cartia, Our Heroine and Rina.  There's to be a final Gate Battle, winner takes all.  If Rio wins, she gets the Gates, The Owner gets Casino Island back and all is cotton candy and unicorn farts.  If Rina wins, she gets the Gates, her revenge on those who ruined her family, and evil Cartia gets to "see the Rainbow," whatever that means. 

But first, The Owner takes Rio and The Usual Suspects on a vacation.  Everybody wonders about the timing of this, and to be fair it does seem somewhat strange.  I mean, it's not like Rio is on the top of her game, even though she's managed a good comeback from her devastating loss some episodes ago.  Well, maybe this will refresh her.  My guess is that The Owner just wanted to see everybody in swimsuits.

Yes, just like that.  But the island they're headed to has a dark secret behind it...

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Rio Rainbow Gate! ep11

Say what you want about Rio Rainbow Gate! (and you'd best believe I will), say that it's nothing more than weak fanservicey crepe, say there's no characterization and a lame plot, say the artwork is poor to meh... you can say all those things, and I'd agree with you.  However, RRG! earned a place in anime history this week.  Following the horrible earthquake and tsunami of March 11th, most shows currently airing were either postponed until a future date or were broadcast with half the screen covered by governmental messages and warnings, as one would expect with a disaster of such wide-ranging scope and size.  But RRG! was one of the very few series to run at its normal time this week, with a screen clear of notifications.  Either the Japanese Authorities thought that what the nation of Japan really needed after such tragedy, such misery, was a brain-dead anime about young busty gamblers in stupid situations... or RRG! only airs on a small UHF station in a tiny fishing village in the far southwest of Kyushu.  Either way, it actually occurred and that's got to count for something in the grand scheme of things, right?  So it's got that going for it.  Which is nice.  It's probably the only way that RRG! is going to be remembered.  Except by me.  By me, this putrid mess will be remembered as a great source of elemental pain and mental anguish.  It tortures me.  Even with the worst natural disaster Japan has suffered since the 1920s, it still aired on time, which meant that I had to suffer through watching it as if nothing had changed.  Can't even give me a week off can you, RRG!?  No, you're too much the sadist for that.  "Production Staff, we've got one person out there reviewing us.  One.  Well, we'll make that one person feel such agony that it'll be worth it for us."  Bastards.  Have you no pity, RRG!?  Have you no shame?  No?  Fine.  But let the results be upon your head.

We open Episode 11 some amount of time after the ending of Episode 10.  The casino is quietly buzzing with happy people losing money, as casinos are wont to do.  Then interlopers are seen in the lobby.

As the theme song to The Magnificent Seven begins to play in the background, Elmer Bernstein begins to spin in his grave Our Heroes, determined looks upon their faces, gaze upon what will soon become their hunting grounds.  Their goal?  Nothing less than to win enough to break Casino Island and buy it back from evil Cartia's clutches.

Men want them.  Women want to be them.  They are...

...The Usual Suspects.  I guess they decided that the bunnygirl outfits weren't classy enough.  It's almost like the Production Staff read my complaints about the idiocy of Our Heroines wearing their old uniforms even though they were no longer employed by a casino.

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Rio Rainbow Gate! ep10

We open Episode 10 of Rio Rainbow Gate! pretty much where we finished Episode 09, inside some Gate Holder's roll ruler... essentially their magical power.  Casino Island is deserted except for Rio and Dana, The Owner's magician, with no clue what's going on and no way to get out.  And then the Laser Weasels come.

Instead of lasering up and turning Rio into a flaming pile of ash, the Laser Weasel begins running away.  What sort of Laser Weasel runs away?  He's a disgrace to the race is what he is... he's even wearing a frickin' bow tie!  Who would have ever thought there'd be such a thing as a Laser Weasel Nerd?  I'm so disappointed.  Rio and Dana follow the Laser Weasel, and he leads them right to the Casino.

And in the casino?  The Owner, tied up, and some dork in a New Orleans-style Mardi Gras costume... who calls "him"self Joker.  I put "him" in quotes because while everybody is calling Joker "him", "his" voice is so obviously female that I'm wondering about the intelligence level of everybody involved in this scene.  Joker harangues Our Heroine and challenges her to a game of blackjack.  They both end up with the same score: a push.

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