February 27, 2011

Rio Rainbow Gate! ep08

I so very much want to inflict grievous bodily harm on the production staff of Rio Rainbow Gate! right now.  As I said at the end of Ep07's recap, "...I have this sinking feeling that Rina is going to have a heel turn in Ep08..."  Now, I am many things, but one that I am not is a plot prognosticator.  Usually when I take a guess about how a show is going to go, I'm about as far off as chalk and cheese.  Because of that, trying to figure out plotlines ahead of time is usually an exercise in futility, one that I avoid doing whenever possible.  Yet this stupid brainless pile of drek called RRG! has gotten me so involved that I not only made predictions, but I put them in print to boot.  It's one thing to get hooked on something good; having it happen watching a series that has all the depth of a playing card is just embarrassing.  So, grievous bodily harm it is!  There's quite a wide range of injuries one can inflict with just a playing card, you know.  Anything from a simple papercut, preferably with an application of lemon juice afterwards,  to ocular exenteration, preferably with an application of lemon juice afterward... the sky's the limit. 

And speaking of the sky:

We pick up right where we left off in Episode 07, with Rina bolted down to a roulette table and Rio about to go into her third Gate Battle of the day.  This one will be against evil Cartia's "King Strong Arm".  And what, might I ask, will be the game to be played this time?  I mean, considering some of the matches we've had in the past, I expect it to be something like a wrestling match between Rio and a remote-controlled bear in a swimming pool full of tapioca pudding and deadly holographic space cuttlefish.

Or a coin flip followed by a guess of which which hand the coin is in.  The stipulations are simple: King will flip it, grab it between his hands, then separate them.  At that point, Rio will make her choice.  Of course, it wouldn't be RRG! without there being something stupid involved, and that's certainly the case here.  Y'see, King Strong Arm isn't called King Strong Arm for nothing; he's got a strong arm.  In fact, he's so strong that he can crush a coin to powder in his clenched fist, which he does.  Voila, no coin (which looks like a euro, for you budding numismaticists out there) and no chance for Rio to win!


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February 20, 2011

Rio Rainbow Gate! ep07

Ladies and gentlemen, I have some disturbing news.  It has come to my attention that the anime known as Rio Rainbow Gate!, which we expected to be nothing more than a stupid fanservice vehicle, has instead been attempting to grow a plot.  While hard to believe, I'm afraid that it is also... true.  All attempts to prevent such a catastrophe from occurring have failed.  We have failed.  There is still some hope, however.  The plot, such as it is, is still small and weak, and there is every chance that it will die before it gets too much momentum.  However, for this episode at least, we must proceed with caution.

And then you're reminded that you're watching a show currently taking place in a Sky Resort flying 3000m above the surface of the earth, and suddenly threats like "a plot" don't seem so worrisome anymore.  In fact, today's episode of RRG! is taking place only two hours after the last one.  The evil Cartia is throwing another Gate Battle at Rio, something totally unprecedented in the realm of casino history.  Unsurprisingly, Rio is already exhausted from her fight with Mighty Jack, and is taking a nap in her room.  When she wakes, she has a surprise waiting for her...

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February 12, 2011

Rio Rainbow Gate! ep06

The most important thing to take from this episode of Rio Rainbow Gate! is that the shrimp costume has returned, and with a vengeance!

Afro Samurai there on the right is the unluckiest man on the face of the earth.  He's playing Rock-Paper-Scissors with Anya, and has just lost to someone who can only do "scissors".  He's also the stupidest person on the Sky Resort.

Ah yes, the Sky Resort, the flying hotel-cum-water park that was introduced last episode.  We learn that its cruising altitude is 4000 meters, and that there are open-air pavillions where people can stroll around.  At 4000 meters, or 13123 feet.  Now, I've been to Salt Lake City, which is 4226 feet above sea level, and I can attest that there ain't no air there.  Altitude sickness can begin to occur at 2400 meters.  And the Howard Resort is letting their guests walk around outside and unprotected at 4000 meters?  Of course, they do let employees wear friggin' shrimp costumes, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.

Anyway, Rio's been challenged to another Gate Battle.  Wow, what are the odds of that happening, huh?  Go figure!

...and there's her challenger.  Jack Mighty is his name, and he's the latest in a long family line of Bomb Disposal men.  As a result, he has telekinesis (don't think about it too hard; in RRG! it doesn't pay to think about anything).  It turns out that he didn't want to do bomb disposal work and ran away from home... at which point, he was picked up off the streets by...


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February 06, 2011

Rio Rainbow Gate! ep05

To be honest with you, I'm a little disgusted with myself right now.  While watching this week's episode of Rio Rainbow Gate!, I came to the startling realization that I'm actually enjoying this startlingly bad piece of drek.  Now, I've never been an anime snob.  I understand that not every show can be true works of art, and that there's a place for those shows that don't have a huge budget or deep characterization or engrossing plot. I'd like to think, however, that when a series is as lousy as this one, I would know enough to point at it and laugh, then consign it to the rubbish heap of history, never to blight my hard-drive again.  So why in Miyazaki's Name do I keep coming back to RRG!, and worse still, look forward to it?

I don't have a problem.  I can stop whenever I want.  Why are you looking at me like that?

This week, Rio has a meeting with The Owner but forgot to get her uniform from the cleaners (she only has one?).  Not wanting to be late, she grabs the outfit nearest to hand...

See, this screencap is RRG! in a nutshell.  Why in the name of all that's holy was a shrimp costume the only piece of clothing Rio had to wear?  And why is it that the other two look so resigned to the fact that Rio is wearing a shrimp costume?  Just what in the world goes on between episodes?  "Oh no, she's got the shrimp costume again... just don't make eye contact and everything will be okay.  It's just a phase..."  Truth be told, that's an episode of RRG! that I really want to watch.  Maybe it'll be an OVA or something, perhaps an omake on the Blu-Rays... and if that last sentence fragment didn't make your blood run cold, nothing will.  Most of Miyazaki's movies aren't available on Blu-Ray without ordering from Japan.  Neither is Ghost in the Shell: Standalone ComplexAzumanga Daioh?  Nope. Bakemonogatari?  No.  Black Lagoon?  Not in the least.  But RRG! will surely have a BD release, and probably sell well, tanjdammit.


Sorry, where was I?  Oh, yes, the meeting.  Turns out that The Owner is about to open a new casino on his Casino Island, something called the 'Sky Resort.'  He assigns Rio and her harem to work the grand opening... they're to meet with someone named Linda to get used to the place.

This is Linda... genki girl, distinctive costume, disheveled hair, heavily tanned... yep, she's a native island girl.  And head dealer at Sky Resort.  But she has a secret.


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