I haven't even started the writeup for Kantai Collection Ep08 yet, though I will today.  Likewise the creativeness thingy is stalled for reasons.  Nothing is flowing right now is all, either words or creative stuff.

Success is a state of mind, they say.  Well, my state of mind is currently not positioned for success.  More like self-doubt, sadness, and general disgust.  I make no apologies for that; it's not like I want to feel that way.  As they say back in the old country, "feh."

Stuff inbound.

UPDATE a few hours later: Wonderduck is broken.  It's depression.  I even know why, I just thought it was going to hit a week ago and when it didn't, I thought I was in the clear.  Damn.  I'm going back to sleep.  Probably best for everybody.

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Leonard Nimoy, best known for the role of Spock on Star Trek, has passed away.

What more need be said?

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Allow me to set the scene for you, if I may.  It is Ten in the morning on Thursday, and Wonderduck is not happy.  From the moment he woke up some 90 minutes earlier he has had a massive headache.  Further, his left ear feels like it contains a half-gallon of fluid and he can hardly hear anything from it.  As if that wasn't enough, roughly half of the nail on one of his big toes had decided to go forth and attempt to found a new lifeform.  To repeat: Wonderduck is not happy.

The phone rings, it's an automated message telling him that he's the lucky recipient of a trip voucher for two to his choice of *click*.  As Our Hero puts the phone back on the desk, it rings again.  This time glancing at the Caller ID before answering, he sees the number is showing as "000-000-0000".  This one gets the "send directly to voicemail" button, where it's later revealed to be two seconds of silence.  No less than five minutes later, the phone rings again.  Mind you, this third call quite possibly equals the number of times Wonderduck's phone has rung all month.  However, this one shows the area code of Duckford, so with some trepidation he answers it.

It's the place he did the testing for last week.  They'd like to interview him for a job, can you be here at 1215pm?  Yes?  Great, see you then.  Wonderduck is heading for the shower even before he hangs up the phone.  Things go as one would expect... shower, get dressed, sit around Pond Central for an hour in a dress shirt and tie before it comes time to leave... when Our Hero gets the surprise of his life.

It had snowed sometime since he last left Pond Central, and the Duckmobile has a good two or three inches on it.  Let us take stock of the situation, shall we?  Wonderduck is wearing a suit and tie, dress shoes, it's 14°F with a brisk breeze, his snowbrush is in the car, and he's suddenly on minus time.  What's a seriously annoyed duck to do?

Well, in this case, he commits the cardinal sin (for those of you in the American League, the blue jay sin) of not actually cleaning off his entire car.  The hood remained covered, though being blown away by airflow, the snow on the roof rapidly migrating to the rear window, and the Duckmobile probably looked like there was a wedding train trailing behind it, but he's going to be on time.

The interview started out on an ominous note, by mentioning my test results.  In short, the interviewer was afraid that my massive pulsating brain could perhaps be a detriment, the job too boring for one of my vast intellect.  Our Hero quickly made it clear that he would be thrilled with a job like that, as to be blunt he's tired of working in fun and exciting jobs, like retail positions in a world where concepts such as "civility" and "common human decency" don't apply to customer service jobs.  The rest of the interview goes well, though Wonderduck does notice an uncomfortable squelching feeling from his shoes, apparently caused by melting snow.  I should know something by the middle of next week.

So that was a day.

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Two C-clamps

One pair locking wrench

One honkin' huge binder clip

Four thumbtacks

Four different types of tape.

Sixty sets of chopsticks (flat)

Two different styles of gift tissue

48 sheets of cellophane

Multiple boxes of chocolate pocky, unopened

Four ceramic tea candle holders

One jumbo bottle acetaminophen

One battery-powered lamp

One nebula light

One kaleidoscope light

Four laser pointers

Multiple hardcover books

One sheet muslin

One item donated via Texas

EDIT: I forgot a couple of things...

One folding tray table

One large bookstand

One trilobite

One rock.

Combine.  The result will be coming to The Pond soon.

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For reasons I can't put my finger on, I've been reluctant to do this particular writeup.  No, it's nothing having to do with the episode itself: it's very much a Kantai Collection episode, with no great surprises or anything.  It may have something to do with my right knee feeling like it's packed full of fish sticks and chunks of metal, meaning that spending any amount of time in my computer chair is a little painful... remember, this is the leg that I bounced off a row of bricks a few months ago.  There's also what feels like an awful case of weather-related malaise.  Understand, this winter has been relatively mild, particularly when compared to the continuing nightmare the East Coast has been dealing with.  However, Duckford has been grey for pretty much the entire season.  It's been grey and snowing, or grey and cold, or grey and cold and snowing, and only rarely has the Burning Orb of Light made itself visible in the sky.  I don't think I'm susceptible to SAD, at least not like some people, but I'll be darned if the symptoms don't match.  Ah well, whatever, you're not here to listen to me kvetch about my aches and pains, you're here to listen to me kvetch about Kantai Collection.  Last episode was the Great Curry Conniption, so what great dealings will Ep07 bring us?  An eating contest?  Nah, Akagi winning would be too obvious there... ooh!  I know!  It's the "Mutsu has a light lunch, smiles as she plays with a kitten, then takes an afternoon nap" episode!  Yes, please!  (sigh) Y'know what?  I'm not even gonna guess, lets just jump right in, see where that gets us.  Raise anchor, all ahead slow, allons-y!

Ah!  It appears that RKO has picked up the production duties of the show, very good.  I can't help but worry, however... those guy wires look awfully slack considering their job.  The last time I saw guy wires that, the mast in question was being disassembled, a task you literally could not pay me enough to do.  Still and all, the antenna at the top must still be working, because the Naval District has received a communique.

A communique via morse code, no less.  Actually, I assume it's actually Wabun code, the Japanese version of morse, but as I understand none of the factors involved, I have no idea if I'm correct or not.  For some reason, this lack does not particularly bother me at the moment.  Anyway, the message is that Operation MO is approved, and that they are to provide a carrier fleet and a support fleet... and here is where my emergency brakes kicked in, because Operation MO is better known to us here in The States as the Battle of the Coral Sea... we gonna see some stuff go down.

Literally, if lil' miss Abyssal Carrier up there has anything to say about it.  I can't help but notice that there's a startling resemblance between the Carrier and The Librarian at times.  They both wear hats, the facial structures are the same, they both can do the flashing blue flames of power from the eyes... uncanny.  It goes without saying, of course, that I've never seen the two of them together in the same spot...

more...

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They said that the testing for the position could take "up to three hours."  Psh-yeah, right.  That's got to be just padding, right?  Right.  The first thing they had me take was a Wonderlic test. 

I don't know if any of you know of the Wonderlic... football fans will have heard of it, but maybe not anybody else?  Anyway, it purports to be "an aptitude test for learning and problem solving for a range of professions."  Okay, cool.  A score of zero means you're functionally the same as a chair located in a completely different room from the testing computer.  A perfect score is 50.  A score of 20 is supposed to indicate "average intelligence", roughly equating to an IQ of 100.  An example question might be "When a rope is selling 20 cents per 2 feet, how many feet can you buy for 30 dollars?"  Prospective football players heading into the NFL draft have to take the Wonderlic; the lowest score ever was a 4, by Morris Claiborne in 2012.  Your average quarterback gets a 24.  Electrical Engineers average a 30 on the test.  I scored a 35.  The HR person, who has administered this test "thousands of times" said she's never had anybody score that high before.

Then we moved onto the real testing.  I was handed six pages of questions regarding medical billing, coding and insurance payments, three books of medical codes, a calculator, a pencil, and told "good luck."  The first question was "what is the official name of form used in Example #1?"  The second question was "knowing the reason of the visit from the ICD code, was the diagnosis code listed accurate?"

Sure enough, three hours after I walked in I finished the final page of questions.  It was actually quite a clever test, assuming what I'm thinking is correct.  From where I was sitting, it sure as hell felt like it was testing the subject's ability to reason out difficult problems without guidance, experience in the subject matter, or indeed, any clue what was going on.  I guess I did okay; the HR rep didn't grade it with me standing over her... and a damn good thing, too, because I have no idea how I actually did.  I'm going to pretend that I didn't outright suck and go with that.

I'm also going to take a nap.  That was friggin' exhausting.  Holy crepe.

Posted by: Wonderduck at 07:34 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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I hear you now, gentle reader: "The greatest AMV ever?  That's quite the claim, Wonderduck."  To which I reply, "who are you and how did you get in here?"

Nevertheless, I stand by my assertion.  Reader haunter103 called my attention to his AMV, entitled "Good Clean Fun", and asked if I had seen it.  I had not, so I decided to take a look at it.  Here it is...


By the time it was over, there were tears running down my face.  Tears of joy, and, surprisingly, tears of pride as well.  For there, listed at the end of the credits sequence, is Wonderduck's Pond, specifically the "Ducks In Anime" category.

Thank you, haunter103.  Thank you for letting me be a small part of your accomplishment.  It's a good video, and I'd think so even if I didn't love rubber ducks.  However, the ducks just push it into the "godlike" category.

That was fun as all get-out!

UPDATE: If you've stopped by due to Robert's weekly newsletter, hi, hello and welcome!  Hope you enjoy haunter103's video, and while you're here, why not take a look at the rest of The Pond?  Since you're probably an anime fan, you might particularly enjoy the "Anime Writeups" category, where I do episode-by-episode recaps of entire series... usually, at least.  Currently Kantai Collection is the show under the microscope, but Ga-Rei Zero, Rio Rainbow Gate!, Vividred Operation, High School of the Dead, and others have had the dubious pleasure of being a target.  Or, of course, you can cock an eye at the Ducks in Anime category, too, because... well, because ducks, that's why.  Or anything else that meets your fancy, too, feel free to look around!

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Fellow blogger and all-around Good Egg Brickmuppet has a category entitled "banality".  It's less for stuff of overawing importance and more for life-focused material.  For those readers that don't particularly care about the person and just want to free ice cream, he hides the main text "below the fold" and puts a nice picture on the top screen.  I'm going to do the same thing right now...

Click "more" for... um... to read the news.  Otherwise, enjoy the picture and have a lovely rest of the day.

more...

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The time has come, once again, to Ask Wonderduck (almost) Anything!  In this semi-irregular featurette of The Pond, you the reader get to Ask Wonderduck (almost) Anything!, and I promise to answer to the best of my ability!

There are a couple of restrictions, of course.  I won't answer questions involving religion or politics... there are plenty of people out there who cover those topics infinitely better than I ever could, and I created The Pond specifically to be a place without such things.  Also, while I'm not opposed to answering personal questions, I withhold the right to tell you to buzz off.  Finally, there are many, many things in this world that I am not an expert, talented amateur, or even clueless n00b, regarding.  If you ask me a question like "how do I convert my car from using tires to running on tank treads," I'll do my best to answer correctly but I make no promises... no blaming me when you wind up stuffed into the side of a hill, upside down and on fire.

In the past, people have Asked Wonderduck why sloths don't live forever, why domesticated ducks are albinos, and was I planning on watching the Kancolle anime, and many many other things besides.  So now it's your turn...

Ask Wonderduck (almost) Anything!!!

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If you like Top Gear, but you didn't hoist the black flag for the new episode, I encourage you to make sure to catch it on BBC America on Monday evening.  The "Star in a Reasonably Priced Car" segment is, I think, the best they've had since Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz were on in 2011.  I'm not going to mention who the star is, but if you've ever trusted Wonderduck on anything, and god help you if you have, trust me on this.  The rest of the episode is kinda meh, but the SiaRPC is great fun.

If you did go all jolly roger on the episode, best not to mention the participants until Monday night, eh?

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The meandering blechs never really improved, and being CREATIVE!!! turned out to be more than I could deal with.  Now I'm dealing with the sort of headache that makes one wonder how best to remove one's own head with all due haste.

Maybe tonight there will be creativity.  I hope so.  I want this project done.  If it works, it's gonna be swell!

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I'm dealing with a case of the meandering blechs, but I intend to plow through that and do something creative and exciting tonight.  After the nap I'm about to take, that is.  The "something" is what I've been hinting at for a while that I've just needed motivation for, and tonight, I've decided to make my own motivation.  Hooray for artificial ups!

Since I'm not one to leave y'all hangin' with nuthin', here's something else.

Vaucaunson's Duck has just fallen out of his chair.  Again.  GreyDuck is nodding his head.  But then, they've both heard this before.  Hopefully you, the neophyte listener, will enjoy this cover of the O'Jays classic "Back Stabbers" by the Last Gentlemen.  And if you've heard this version before, make yourself known!

Off to nap... Artistry Awaits Beyond!

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There are moments when I do these Episodic Writeups when, quite honestly, I don't want to take the time or the effort.  Sometimes its because I'm too busy doing other things, sometimes it's because I just don't want to... and sometimes it's because the Production Staff made something that is difficult to recap just by its nature.  That's the case here, with the new episode of Kantai Collection.  Last week saw the creation of a new fleet and Fubuki become its unlikely flagship.  This week?

(shaking head)

Let's get this over with.

We open with...

Nagato is brooding over some tough choices she's going to have to make in the coming days, which is her unfortunate duty as Secretary of the Fleet.  Yeah, yeah, that's nice... more importantly, Mutsu's back and feels sad that her sister refuses to share the burdens.  Truly, Mutsu is wonderful.  An episode of her reading a novel and sipping tea would be welcome, Production Staff.  Just a thought.

Destroyer Division Six, fresh from a foraging expedition, discovers a sign proclaiming that it's time for the Naval District Curry Contest!  The Imperial Japanese Navy, and for that matter its successor the Japanese Maritime Self-Defense Force, had a long-time relationship with curry, dating back all the way to the Anglo-Japanese Alliance in and around 1902.  Indeed, every Friday was (and is) curry day in the ships of the fleet.  In this case, the contest-winning curry will be the recipe used for the next year.  Well, hell, sounds like a plan to the DesDiv6 girls!  They quickly decide that they'll enter the contest.  It'll be a cinch!

Except that British-born Kongo is going to enter her special spicy English-style curry.  Oh yeah, other people are going to enter, aren't they?  CURRY FIGHT-O!  Look, I like me some curry, but not super-spicy.  We've had this conversation before.  Give me a mild curry, not one that'll punch my teeth in just for eating it.

Definitely don't give me Ashigara's "wild hardcore ultra-spicy curry."  Why anybody would want to inflict that sort of damage on themselves is entirely beyond me, but I know they're out there.  I also know there are people who don't like lima beans, which to me makes no sense: they're totally innocuous, it's like not liking plain rice.  It may not be all that tasty, but it's not going to be offensive.  And how can people dislike grilled cheese sandwiches?  It boggles the mind, but there are people out there who don't like grilled cheese sandwiches.  I'm not talking about grilled cheese with stuff on it, like tomatoes or mushrooms or ham or whatever, I'm talking about a simple, plain grilled cheese sandwich.  With a bowl of tomato soup.  How can you not like that?  It is a puzzlement.  Don't get me wrong... I digs me some ham & cheese melts like a LeTourneau L2350 loads trucks, but not when I'm wanting a grilled cheese sandwich. 

more...

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So, yeah, I'm dead.  Mostly.  Kinda.  Pretty much.  It's not entirely easy to explain, but its not like I'm going anywhere soon, so I'll give it a shot.

I died on some battlefield somewhere.  I'm not entirely sure I ever actually knew where we were, even when I was alive.  Being in the sort of state I'm in tends to mess with the memories some.  That whole "dead" thing, y'know?  Anyway, yeah, battlefield.  We'd been advancing pretty steadily all day, like the bad guys weren't going to fight for the place.  Would have been a smart move, actually.  From where I was standing, all that the place had to offer anymore was craters and dirt.  Still, there we were, so there must have been something worthwhile.  That's what I tell myself, anyway. 

It wasn't until the artillery started to fall that we had any evidence the bad guys were even still around.  We weren't letting our guards down or anything; most of us had been around the block a few times already, and those that hadn't followed our lead.  When the first rounds screamed down, most of us ended up in craters of varying sizes.  Lucky me, I was in the only stretch of land around without a shellhole handy.  You can dig awfully fast when you need to, though, and soon enough I had cover.

Which was exactly what they wanted us to do, of course.  Didn't take long before I heard what sounded like a million bees heading towards me, followed by some confused orders.  One voice, sounded like the LT, said to get up and counterattack.  Another said to fall back... that one sounded like God Himself, which meant it was Sarge.  He wasn't trying to do it, it's just the way his voice rumbled.  Not that we'd laugh about it around him but hearing him in the mess hall, asking for another dish of pudding, was the most amazing thing ever.  Some of the unit did one thing, some did the other.  Me?  I somehow managed to split the difference, slowly moving to the rear while firing steadily and calling in a contact report to the intel weenies.

Sure enough, the "million bees" were fantanks.  The official name is a lot longer, but we just called them fantanks.  Hovercraft that can go anywhere, and can do it fast.  Good guns, too, just not a lot of armor.  They swept in, volley fired, then scooted away before we could really respond.  If that wasn't enough, the arty came back, this time with rockets mixed in for good measure.  Through my helmet link, I saw the names of my squadmates flashing red or going out altogether, and I had just a moment to swear before the bees came back and suddenly there was a hole in me big enough to throw a small dog through.

The powered suit we wore was a marvelous piece of equipment.  Armored against most light arms, impressive mobility, boosted strength, environmental protection, and a built-in trauma center to boot.  If you had an arm blown off at the elbow, it'd snip the damage off, seal the wound to keep you from bleeding to death, pump you full of happypills, and call for pickup, all of it almost before you knew you'd been hurt.  Bullet hole from some armor piercing round?  Seal-and-heal man, seal-and-heal.  But what can it do when a round the size of a can of soup punches a through-and-through just below the ribs?  It didn't hurt anywhere near as bad as I thought something like that would, probably because the round took my spinal column with it. 

Bless the creators of the suit, though: it tried.  It pumped the hole full of the sealing foam, so it looked like I had banana cream pie embedded in my torso.  It shot an entire pharmacy's worth of drugs into me, and even as I blacked out it was calling for my emergency pickup.  As it turns out, my contact report saved me.  Well, no, but you know what I mean.  The officers behind the line saw that the bad guys were trying to break out through our position and moved to reinforce us even before I was hit.  A couple of minutes after I went down, suit screaming for pickup, I was in the hands of the medics and the bad guys were on the run.

Didn't really help me, though.  I was dead.

more...

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Just another day in the glorious Pacific Ocean for the USS Lunga Point.

You may also title this "The crew of the USS Lunga Point throws up in unison."

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" also works, if you're into that sort of thing.

UPDATE.  No, the Lunga Point hasn't broken in half.  Click "more" to see what's going on in the picture!

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-Ga-Rei Zero, Ep06
For the past couple of months, if not longer, I've been s-l-o-w-l-y working on a project for The Pond.  One that probably won't be worth the amount of time, to be honest, but one I should be enjoying.  Hell, it's the sort of thing that, in the past, I've loved doing!  As it's turned out, it's proven to be a royal pain in the asterisk.  Still, this is one of those things that I literally do NOT have the option to drop.  I acquired all the materials for this back when I was too busy to do anything with it... now that I've all the time in the world?  I don't have the drive to deal with the minor annoyances that have popped up along the way. 

On the other hand, I've enjoyed rewatching Ga-Rei Zero recently.  So wonderfully dark, spiked with light-hearted stretches that just emphasizes how damn evil it can be.  I'm just on edge of turning my Top Four into a Top Five, just so I can give it the credit it deserves.  And there is Pocky and laser weasels too, so it's got that going for it.  Which is nice.  Doesn't really help with the project, mind you, but there you go.

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Another week, another episode of Kantai Collection for our enjoyment!  The important question, of course, is how can they top Ep04's weirdness and Mutsu-service?  Will we get the fabled episode of Mutsu doing nothing in particular?  Will there be plot development?  Or will there be silly?  Come, my friends, let us venture forth into Episode 05!

What?  A headquarters shot without Mutsu?  Booooooooo!  Undoubtedly she's outside, enjoying a pleasant walk along the harborside while kittens and unicorns frolic nearby.  Oh, and Nagato has just told Torpedo Squadron Three that they're being dissolved immediately.  To the acid baths with you!  She goes on to say that they'll be reassigned to other fleets... oh.  Wrong type of dissolve.  I have to admit, this annoys me as he who doth scribe these writeups to no end... they're breaking The Fellowship!  Frodo (F-for-Fubuki), Merry (M-for-Mutsuki) and Pippin (P-for-poi) will be no more.  Now I might actually have to be creative, and nobody really wants that, do they?  Nuh-uh, not if you're smart you don't.

The hobbits have one last moment together as they pack up their troubles in their old kitbags and smile, smile, smile.  Frodo, as is her wont, is doing the whole "they're breaking up the fleet and its all my fault" thing, and Merry is being all "oh for the luvvapete, the Admiral is just reorganizing, you moistened bint," and Pippin is like "whatever, just get me out of here, you never liked me anyway."  And she's got a point, that "poi" thing got out of hand fast.  Still, Fubuki is getting all sad and stuff until it's pointed out that she might be put into the same fleet as Akagi.

I cannot tell you the amount of inappropriate thoughts going through Frodo's head at this moment.  Pippin has the right of it, however, when she says that Fubuki's kinda creepy.  Lights out finds all three destroyers unable to sleep, and a walk along the wharf in the moonlight ensues.  They turn out not to be alone.

The coven complete, they ritually sacrifice a light carrier and use her blood to draw arcane symbols upon the ground.  Quiet chanting can be heard for throughout the base, drawing many fleetgirls to their windows in mixed consternation and horror.  "Iä Hastur cf'ayak'vulgtmm, vugtlagln vulgtmm.  Iä Hastur cf'ayak'vulgtmm, vugtlagln vulgtmm."  The blood is mixed with two egg yolks, half a teaspoon of pepper, half a teaspoon of chopped green onion, some flour, then mixed with mashed potatoes.  The resulting glob is divided, shaped into circles, dipped in beaten egg and rolled through sifted breadcrumbs, then fried in peanut oil until a golden brown.  Makes up to 10 croquettes and summons Hastur, the Unspeakable One, Him Who Is Not To Be Named.  As opposed to Fernando Alonso, HWMNBN. 

As the moon turns red in the sky, yet reflects normal light, gasps of fear and the slamming shut of windows can be heard.  And coming from somewhere unseen, the plaintive voice of a young child can be heard like a dirge: "Hey, mister... can I have my ball back?"  As the surface of the water begins to roil and froth, we shall mercifully draw a veil over what occurs next between The Fellowship and Hastur, and skip ahead to...
 
more...

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Amazingly, while I've been off being disinterested in pretty much everything the world of Formula 1 hasn't slowed down one whit.  The first round of pre-season testing at Jerez is almost finished, and that's swell.  We've gotten to hear the new Honda engine, which is cool as heck, but the first test session is often spent working out the kinks and trying to keep the cars running on track. 

Unless you're Mercedes this year, who seem to be so confident that they spent a few hours on Tuesday running on Intermediates to see how long they'll last on a dry track.  This while McLaren was happy to average less than 10 laps per day in their revamped car. 

But the really big thing about the first round of tests is that we finally get to see the new cars... and that's what we call F1 Pr0n around these-here parts!  Shall we take a look?


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News leaked out today that we're going to get to travel back to Neo-Venezia!

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I'm just going to leave this here.


This too.

Yes, that's the group that provided music A number of people in the Kuricorder Quartet were part of the group that provided music for Azumanga Daioh.  Performing John Williams' Imperial March.  I suck.

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