July 27, 2005

Disaster Central?

Monday, it was tornado ("Big blowy wind thingy" for my friends overseas) warnings and lots of "we're all gonna die!" Tuesday, it was fire alarms at the office.

So far today, no emergencies... though I'm still betting on an earthquake. Thursday, toxic spill. And Friday?


I can't wait to get home. It's safe there.

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July 21, 2005

Time out!

Okay, here's the word, all of you. I'm going to a Manager Training session on Sunday, I'll be gone all week. Don't think that I've gone away and left this place high and dry.

I'm sure High Lord Pixy is somewhat disappointed in my lack of productivity; after seeing my other blog he would have expected more from me. :-/

I'm not happy 'bout it either, but after this stint at the Home Office, I should have some more time on my wings.

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July 16, 2005


Nurgle. Blurg.

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July 13, 2005

If F1 Teams Ran NASA

Okay, let me explain myself a bit here. I'm a space geek from waaaaaay back. One of my prize possessions is a first-printing edition of "We Seven," written by the first seven astronauts back in 1963. "Apollo 13" is one of my favorite films, and I had read "Lost Moon," the book it was based on, well before Ron Howard ever brought it to the screen. I stayed home from school sick ("cough cough") to watch the Challenger liftoff, and spent the entire day glued to the TV, crying my eyes out. I spent the entire day glued to the 'net and the TV when Columbia went down, crying my eyes out (and I knew exactly the right short story and song lyric to allow me to pay some little tribute to them on the web: Heinlein's "Green Hills of Earth."). I revel in the things like the "Deep Impact" probe, or the latest Hubble shot, or "Astronomy Picture of the Day."

So, in a tip of the cap to two of my favorite hobbies, I bring you:


FERRARI: Shuttle pilots would cut each other off on approach to the landing strip, blame the fact that they can't make orbit on their tires, and paint everything blood red... and we'd have colonies on Mars by now.

McLAREN: Faster-Than-Light travel would be a reality, but every astronaut would have really strange names like "Kimi" or "Juan Pablo." The shuttle would have the name of the mission commander painted on the cargo doors.

RENAULT: Half of the shuttles would never get off the pad. The other half would be able to orbit the Earth in record time. All the pilots would be 22. Mission Controllers would have horrible poker faces.

WILLIAMS: The shuttle would take off well, but be unable to make orbit. The shuttle manufacturer would blame the engine constructors, the engine makers would blame the bodywork. But occasionally they'd have an amazing performance.

TOYOTA: The space agency would have the biggest budget in the country, but would always find themselves doing things after other space agencies. Their shuttles would often be in the way of other space vehicles.

RED BULL: Every astronaut could go entire missions without sleeping, but would be banned in France. The agency would also sponsor half of the world's 'lesser' space programs. Would run regular contests to find the next American to put into the cockpit. Every few years, another outfit would take over the agency.

SAUBER: The shuttle would have engines purchased from another space agency, but renamed so as not to cause confusion. Would eventually be sold to an outside group that promises to 'spend the money to get them on top.'

JORDAN: Every flight would be a hair-raising adventure as the shuttle couldn't fly a straight line. Still, they'd accomplish every mission, if a bit slowly.

MINARDI: We'd still be flying Mercury capsules. Every now and again, though, they'd find an astronaut who'd go on to be successful with other space agencies.

If the FIA ran NASA, the pilots would all hate the administration, there'd be talk of a second space agency made up of dissatisfied Flight Controllers, and there'd be one astronaut that NASA would let get away with anything.

(crossposted at http://wonderduckspond.blogspot.com)

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July 12, 2005


FINALLY. We here at F1 Update are going to, y'know, do our job and get YOU, the reader, our insights on the most recent race. So let's get on with it! It's F1 UPDATE TIME!!!

*UM... 'SILENCE' MEANS YOU DON'T TALK, GUYS.: Okay, they've shown they can be respectful to the passing of royalty (Monte Carlo), but the display shown at Silverstone was anything but respectful. Maybe you could have expected teams like Ferrari, Minardi and Toyota to have not 'gotten it,' since they aren't based in England, but for Jensen Button of all people to be SMILING during the so-called moment of silence was shocking. Kudos to the Jordan drivers, who honestly looked humble, but most of the visible team members were not paying attention to the ceremony for the fallen. Bad Karma, guys... it'll bite you soon.

*TEAM OF THE RACE: McLaren. First and third is a pretty good way to finish a race. What should be flat-out frightening for everybody on the grid is that it was Montoya who won it, with Raikonnen coming from wayyyyy down at the start to take the final podium position handily. Throw in the performance of the guys in the pits, and you've got the makings of a full-team juggernaut.

*MOVE OF THE RACE: McLaren Pit Crew. All day, they got Juan Pablo Montoya out of the pits fast enough to allow him to rejoin the fray ahead of Fernando Alonso. A perfect example of this is the sequence on laps 22 and 23. Montoya comes in and rejoins in 3rd. Alonso pits from 2nd on 23, and when he comes out, Montoya JUST beats him into the turn complex off pit lane. The same thing happened at laps 44/49, but even closer. Montoya drove the wheels off his car, but it was the pit lane gang that won this one for him.

*MOOOO-VE OF THE RACE: Celebrating the most bovine performance of the skirmish, this race winner is Renault's Giancarlo Fisichella. Fighting for a podium spot, he comes into the pits on Lap 46 from 3rd. Renault's pit crew does a neat job of getting him fueled fast enough to allow him to rejoin the race BEFORE Kimi Raikonnen comes around... except that Fisi does something fishy and STALLS HIS CAR FOR THE SECOND RACE IN A ROW. Flavor Flav(io) looked like he was chewing on his own kidney, and one expects that Giancarlo isn't going to be able to sit down for a few days after the a**chewing he was about to get. Honorable mention goes to Takuma Sato. Yes, again. This time he didn't even make it to the grid before he started campaigning for the award. Approaching the lineup for the lights, he pressed the wrong button on the BAR-Honda's steering wheel and stalled out. He eventually ended up 16th.

"It's the car, stupid." - JP Montoya.
"I still have a big lead, so what if I took second?" - Fernando Alonso.
"I should get bonus points for fast lap, like the guys in GP2 get." - Kimi Raikonnen.
"Ow! I don't think Flavio needed to use that starter cart on my butt, that was rude." - Giancarlo Fisichella.
"We can't expect anything more from the car at this moment." - Jensen Button (note: real quote)
"Shut up, *#$&@^^#**" - The staff of F1 Update.
"Will someone PLEASE get Trulli to take off that STUPID engineer's cap?" - Michael Schumacher.
"I don't think I could have done much better. Get me another damn beer. *hic*" - Rubens Barrichello. (note: part of this is a real quote)
"Jarno says I can be the coal shoveler! Cool!" - Ralf Schumacher.
"Wooo-wooooooooo! Chuggachuggachuggachuggachugga..." - Jarno Trulli.
"When I was alone on the track, the car was very good." - Felipe Massa (note: real quote) (yeah, but that's why it's called a race, Felipe ol' chumly.)
"'Dark Horse for constructor of the year,' that's what F1 Update called us. Yeah. Pull the other one, mate." - Mark Webber.
"Scheisse." - Nick Heidfeld.
"I hope that was, at the very least, entertaining for the crowds." - David Coulthard's Chin. (good man, that DC's Chin...)
"Unfortunately, I screwed up the first pit stop. I was looking for the lollypop, and I got distracted by something out of the corner of my eye. I thought it was the lollypop, so I started to go, and I ran over one of the pit crew's foot. Hey, look, something bright and sparkly!!! Oooooh, prettttttyyyyyyyyyyyyy..." - Jacques Villeneuve. (yep, real quote.)
"Fifthteenth is very disappointing." - Christian Klein. (I can't make these things up.)
"Baka! BAKA! Where's my wakazashi? Seppuku on the rear wing, 10 pm... it'll be Sato sushi..." - Takuma Sato.
"Halfway through the race, I was told that Sato was still behind me!" - Tiago Montiero (ow, that's gotta hurt)
"I'm quite happy with the result." - Christijan Albers. (Minardi, what can you do?)
"I wasn't last." - Patrick Friesacher. (Minardi takes their victories where they can...)
"Don't tell Sato I've got his sword... I need it." - Narain Karthekeyan.
"Believe me, I could have done everything Montiero did, at least." - Danica Patrick.

So, that's it for another edition of F1 UPDATE. Next race, Hockenheim! However, F1 UPDATE may not be able to actually DO an update that week, as we'll be in Chicago from the 24th thru the 29th, undergoing rigerous training. Or something like that. But keep your eyes glued to the monitor between now and then!

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July 11, 2005

"My Brain Hurts." "It'll have to come out!"

One more day on the F1 Update. The remains of Hurricane Dennis are making their way up towards the Pond, so the humidity level has gone through the roof... and taken my head with it, in the form of The Sinus Headache From Hell.

Plus, I've just spent the last two-and-a-half hours talking with my friend, Ned Mallard, whom I've known for nigh on 30 years, and his charming wife, Goose Mallard, whom I've only met once, ten years ago. They live in San Francisco, so I have little chance to see either of them, but they were in the neighborhood. Even with the headache (and believe me, a duck has sinuses you wouldn't believe), it was a great time.

Funny how things happen... Ned's stepsister is my boss at Duck U. Didn't know that when I applied; when I called to make sure they got my rezoomie, I said "Yes, I'm Scooter T. Wonderduck, and I sent you my resume a little while ago...." She then replied "Yes, I know you, I'm Ned's sister!" My bill hit the floor, lemme tell ya. Then I did a few wing-pumps, 'cause I knew I had the job right then and there.

So, anyway: no F1 Update until tomorrow, I've got a Monty Python skit running around in me 'ead.

(crossposted at the Original Wonderduck's Pond, which I'm still running until I figure out MT well enough to try full-time... check the whole place out at www.wonderduckspond.blogspot.com until I get up to speed here)

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July 09, 2005

*bang bang bang*

Could you hand me those pliers? I've got a dwarf I can't crush...

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July 08, 2005


Honey, I'm home... it's gonna take me a bit to get used to this setup!

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