As the second of the pre-season test sessions begin in Bahrain today, we've finally gotten a real look at the last of 2014's challengers for the F1 Championships.  Team Lotus looked to make the move to serious, legitimate contender for the big prizes, but rumors of financial difficulties that turned to truths placed the end of their 2013 season under a dark, dark cloud.  Meanwhile, missing the first pre-season test in Spain earlier in the year did nothing to dispel said clouds.  Still, it's hardly the first time a team hasn't shown up to a test session... and they made it today.  So let's see what they'll be throwing at us with the E22!

Well.  Pretty conventional, I'd say.  Pretty much like the other cars as far as side profile goes, though it does appear that there's an extra exhaust pipe or something like that just aft of the word "clear" on the back of the car.  Nose works pretty well from this angle, too.

I... what?  Seriously, Lotus?   See, when you guys released those renders of the car something like six weeks ago, I assumed that it was some joke or something.  It appears that my assumption was misplaced... you really did mount a walrus to your nose.

So here's the gig.  The rules say there has to be a single nose tip of a certain cross-section and a very low height.  To make this happen, Lotus took one of the tusks and made it longer than the other.  This satisfied the regs for a "single nose tip," while letting the team do other stuff... stuff like having a clear  unobstructed airway down the center of the car, for example.  There are some drawbacks to this, though: the mounting points for the wing are somewhat larger, for example, than the other teams'.  Twice as many noses means twice as many airflow obstructions.  Of course, all of these things are occurring right where it's best for them to happen so it might be a wash... or a net gain.  We don't know yet. 

Durn clever, though, and no mistake about it.  It'll be even cleverer if it works.

21 days to Australia.

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Everybody had a first "favorite band."  The position of favorite band changes as ones musical tastes evolve... it's just the way of things.  Long before Joe Jackson or ABC, years before Bryan Ferry or the Gear Daddies, decades before the Foo Fighters or Nine Inch Nails or Caravan Palace or Daft Punk or Dire Straits or the Clash, there was the band that wore flowerpots on their heads.

DEVO was certainly my first favorite band.  They looked weird, they sounded weird, and they didn't give a crepe about not being cool... which, to a hyperintelligent duck trapped in a world he never made, was awfully great.  Time marched on, and I started to actually listen to DEVO's music, and realized it was deeper than it first appeared... and while they became something of a synthband, in the early days they were very guitar-centric.

Bob "Bob2" Casale had a lot to do with that, what with actually being able to play and all.  His style was hardly smooth... in fact, it's very nearly the definition of what punk guitar should be... but he could sound herky-jerky while still being technically skilled.  It's weird to call DEVO "punk", but it's hard to call Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are Devo! or Duty Now For The Future anything but.  After that, they became New Wave, synthpop, legendary, then simply themselves in a way that few other bands can ever claim.  Along the way, Bob2 wound up as a skilled engineer and music producer.

Bob Casale passed away today at the age of 61.  It seems very strange that members of my first favorite band are passing away.  It's a beautiful world we live in, I suppose, but it seems less so now.

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...but in a good way!  As you may remember, I went through a phase there where I was playing Kerbal Space Program pretty much constantly.  Rest assured that I still am, for I have yet to give up on rescuing Bill Kerman from (ahem) Mun Base I.  Anyway, I'm a member of the KSP subreddit over at Reddit.com, and let me tell you, they're totally insane over there... if there's a group that's coming up with more inventive ways to terminate flights to debris, I don't know about it!

However, every now and again, someone comes up with something truly beautiful.  If you've played the game, you know the KSP Theme... after all, it plays the moment the game boots up!  It's lovely, if you like snare drums, but I always thought it could be better.  How?  Now you're asking me for details that I can't provide... but it could be better!  Then someone proved me right:

The first time I heard this, I broke into tears at 0:21... or when Kerbol first comes into view in this video.  It had been a bad day, I was tired and pissy, and then... this.  It was glorious.

I wish there was some way to add it into the game... and there's every chance that if the folks at Squad like it, it'll end up there eventually.  They're kinda awesome like that.

I want some pancakes.

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A week ago, I felt the first symptom (point-source pain in throat) of what became a full-blown cold.  The sore throat morphed into a dry, unproductive cough accompanied by a runny nose.  No, "runny nose" isn't descriptive enough.  Here's how much my nose was running: I shaved off my mustache.  I had to... the mess was incredible.  I took a regular-size roll of Charmin with me to work on Friday, in lieu of kleenex, and I had used it up by 3pm.  I was miserable.

Once work was finished, I came home and took a nap.  About an hour later, I woke up and most of the lower half of my face, my neck, and my pillowcase were soaked.  THAT's how bad it was.  Fortunately, somewhere around 2 in the morning, the steroids my doctor put me on kicked in and my nose dried up and the cough has gone mostly away.

I'm now really tired, though.  I fell asleep in my chair a couple of times this morning, took a four-hour nap this evening, and my brain is still logy enough that it's taken about 90 minutes to type this post (to be fair, half of that was looking for a good yootoob of a waterfall to accompany this post... and failing.  No, I don't need links to some in comments, thank you).

So on one hand, the sickiness seems to be dying off: yay!  On the other, I'm draggin' hard: not so yay.

Heck, I had intended to do Eva 2.22 pt II tonight.  Not so much, as it ended up.  Recovery is in sight, maybe, but I'm not quite there yet.  I suspect Sunday is going to be spent doing laundry, then sleeping a lot.

Could be worse.

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Just grab yourself some sweet tea and Chik-Fil-A and stay indoors, 'k?  Solid.

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1 I can imagine the chaos this would cause in Sydney; the last significant snowfall here was in 1836.

We did get nearly an inch of hail once; the ground was completely covered and cars were skidding off the road.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at February 14, 2014 11:03 PM (2yngH)

2 I'm surprised by that.  I would have thought the dimpling effect would have made them go faster and longer, like a golf ball.  Plus, with all the windows smashed, less wind resistance.

Posted by: Wonderduck at February 14, 2014 11:36 PM (/hR8t)

3 That is hilarious!  As much as I would like to be (marginally) offended, it's mostly true.

Posted by: Ben at February 15, 2014 11:59 AM (Oftf2)

4 You've been having way too much fun this winter teasing those of us outside the snow-belt.  If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were a Packer fan... 

Posted by: Siergen at February 15, 2014 05:31 PM (c2+vA)

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Not that the pressure is off, at least for a few days, I find that I feel like crepe.  I dunno if I've caught an ick or what, or if my body is finally rebelling against the stress of the past six months, but I'm just totally wiped out.

Blogging will (allegedly) restart soon. 

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One would think this a rhetorical question: of course you've wanted to play fantasy baseball!  Something has been holding you back, however.  Perhaps it's been a lack of time... or not enough like-minded people in your life... or intimidated by the thought of getting into a league with a bunch of cutthroat bloodthirsty experts.  O r maybe, just maybe, you've wanted to be in the same league with everybody's favorite hyperintelligent duck with the ability to type and rate ballplayers!

Well then, bunkie, today's your lucky day!  About a week or so ago, longtime reader Ben from Midnight Tease and Texas Baseball Town sent me an e-mail asking me some questions about fantasy baseball.  As it turns out, he was looking to get a league going, but knew nothing of what the game was, and since he knew I had played for a while, who better to ask?  Who better indeed?  The timing couldn't be beat, since I had dropped out of the fantasy league I'd been in for 25 years the day before... I hadn't had much fun the previous three years, because of the cutthroat, bloodthirsty style of play that had taken over the league.

So after talking for a while, I eventually said something along the lines of "If you set up a league, I want in."  Playing with a bunch of fresh faces who haven't played before sounds like fun to me!  Ben's response was, for all intents and purposes, "Duh."  He was more polite about it, though.

So we've got four people right now, but we need more.  That's where YOU come in. 

It's set up to be as completely different from what I'm used to as possible!  The league'll be a snake draft, not an auction.  It'll be AL, not NL.  Standard 5 x 5 Roto rules.  Oh, and I'll be picking last in the first round.  So what have you got to lose?  It's free, and though Ben doesn't know this yet, if anybody finishes ahead of RotoDuck, they're going to win something from The Pond's prize closet!  We're looking for rookies or people who haven't played much... is that you?  C'mon down!  Got questions?  Ask here or at Ben's places!  Wanna sign up?  Drop a note in my comments or his!  Pitchers and Catchers report this week... baseball is in the air!  Here's your chance to have some fun!

It's Ben's league... we're all just playing in it!

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I'm sure many of my sharp-eyed readers have noticed a decrease in output, quality and change of tone here at The Pond of late.  Indeed, this would be true, and a quick look at the sidebar would indicate just exactly when this occurred: August 2013.  That was, in fact, when the problems began.



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Look, I understand that snow doesn't happen much in StevenLand.  I get that.  I also get that it's relatively temperate out thataway, too.

Don't care.  We had a 38 hour stretch where it didn't get above zero, with a low around -25°F.  Then it went all the way up to 2°, then promptly went back into the negatives again.  For the past few weeks, if it hasn't been ridiculously cold, it's been snowing.  When it hasn't been snowing, it's been cold... and occasionally, it's been both!  I don't usually complain about the winters here in Duckford, but this one has just been a beechmartin and a half.

So don't take it personally, Steven, but right now I'd KILL to have your forecast.

It sounds so nice and warm.

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"...and he always was a very good dog."

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The Masarati Ghibli.  Yes, really.

I... um... I'm so very sorry.

In case anybody is wondering, the "Ghibli" name predates Studio Ghibli by about 20 years.

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As my laundry goes through the whump-whump-wadump cycle (as opposed to the wooga-wooga-wooga or wherrrrrrrrrrz cycles), it seems like a good time to get everybody caught up on the stuff that came out of the first 2014 pre-season test at Jerez.

The biggest news was far and away the debut of the new V6 Turbo engines.  I had no doubt that they'd be quick... that's just what F1 is, after all.  What I was afraid of was that they would sound horrible.  The V8 era, in my mind, was nearly intolerable: that piercing scream, while undoubtedly impressive with its volume, was practically unlistenable to my ears.  The howl of the V10s sounded so much better, with a nicer lower-end to it, and don't even get me started on the sheer bliss that was the V12 era.   I figured that the new power plants would sound wimpy and tinny and yuck.  I was wrong... very wrong.  They sound great, and each manufacturer's sound is slightly different from each other. 

Which brings us to the next bit of news.  The Renault powerplant had serious problems during the test session, to the point where defending champions Red Bull turned the fewest number of laps (21) during the four days of testing.  In fact, the problems were so bad that they gave up and went home on Day 3.  Fellow Renault team Toro Rosso had 54 laps over four days and... well, here, just give this a listen.  Caterham had problems getting their Renault engine to even start.  And, of course, Lotus didn't even make it to Jerez.  In any case, this lack of running time puts Red Bull on the back foot; Mercedes ran 309 laps, for example.  That's 288 laps of data less to work with, and with brand new rules modifying just about everything on a chassis this year, data is king.

Red Bull is also having problems with overheating.  This isn't new: Adrian Newey designs are always tightly packaged, particularly towards the back.  Reports are that overheating was happening even during the short runs on cool days at Jerez, and THAT'S a bad sign indeed.  On the other hand, it's merely the first test session, not the real races.  Except Daniel Ricciardo, new Red Bull driver, isn't so sure that things will be fixed in a hurry: "Time is still on our side. Even if we go to Melbourne still a bit whatever, it's a long season."  I'm not gonna bet against them, not this year, not yet.

In other news, Ross Brawn announced his retirement from F1.  Last season's Mercedes team principal stepped down from his position after a career in the sport that began in the '70s.  He has eight constructor's championships to his name, and his teams have also had eight driver's championships as well.  There were rumors that he would be moving to McLaren, but he squashed those this week at a fishing event.

McLaren did announce that recent Lotus frontman Eric Boullier has become their Racing Director, a position that didn't really exist before this.  He'll be in charge of the team at race weekends, but report to the still-to-be-named CEO of McLaren Racing otherwise.  Clearly a reaction to the hideous 2013 the team suffered.

Finally, Michael Schumacher was reportedly being slowly brought out of his medically-induced coma.  If you remember correctly, he suffered major brain injuries in a skiing accident at the end of December.  He's been in the coma ever since, after undergoing two surgeries to relieve swelling.  Supposedly he's been able to blink in response to questions, but there's been no confirmation of that from the doctors.  Still, we can always hope. 

The Australian GP is just over a month away! 

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Thursday was the third of four pre-season testing days at Jerez this session, and finally the good folks from Marussia were able to get their car out on track.  It was an epic struggle for that to occur, with the car not working just before they made it there, the transporter apparently breaking down on the way, so on and so forth.  But they got the new MR3 out of the garage, making it a full 10-for-10 on teams at the event (only Lotus didn't attend... and their car reportedly needs about 20 weeks before it'll be able to work, according to one wag).  So what's it look like?

Baby!  That's the epitome of F1 Pr0n, right there!  Best looking car of the season, bar none, and it's not even close.  I particularly like the air intake behind the driver's head, quite a bit different from everybody else.  The nose looks, as has become the norm, completely different from all the others.

The nosecone seems higher that I expected, but maybe that's just an optical illusion.  The proboscis has a square pyramid tip to it, another new feature.  One drawback of the black livery is that things like sidepod openings just sort of disappear, a black hole on a black background.  Still, it looks lovely.

See what I mean?  It also looks BIG, though I'm sure it's no longer or taller than the others.  Driver Max Chilton just sort of... disappears... in the cockpit, doesn't he?  Will the good looks matter?  Hell no, not unless a hot livery means you take a second off your time.  Otherwise, they'll just look really photogenic as they're lapped for the third time. 

Tonight or Saturday, I intend to do a F1 News Recap post, because there's news indeed coming out of Jerez.  See you sooner or later!

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Keeping with the general F1 theme around these here parts this week, here's my official review of Rush, the recent movie by Ron Howard about the 1976 F1 season:

See it.

Oh, you want more?

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It's the first day of pre-season testing for the F1 Circus, and while it was a bust as far as on-track action went (nine cars, something around 80 laps total run), it was a huge success as far as getting cars in front of cameras!  Ladies and Gentlemen, THIS is your F1 MegaPr0n for 2014!

Lots of pictures, so click "more" to get started!

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As the temperatures here at Pond Central begin their precipitous plunge towards a predicted -21°F tonight (that's -30°C, folks!), our thoughts turn to the south of Spain.  There, nestled amongst the sherry vinyards of Andalusia, is the Circuito de Jerez, a Formula 1-level racetrack used by The Circus for pre-season testing.  It is there, under a clear sky and 60°F temperatures, that the fourth of the 2014 rollouts has occurred.  Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce the Toro Rosso STR9!

The problem with circuit rollouts is that you don't get glamour shots, but "real" pictures.  No straight side shots, no directly-head-on nose shots, that sort of thing.  But it's not like we can't see what's what with what we've got, heavens no!  Long sloping nose like the McLaren, I actually think it looks really good... until you to the front wing.  Hide the children, Mable, this is gonna be bad!


Oh dear god.  I hope this is all just a bad dream, that F1 is just trolling all of us.  "It's all a joke, you all fell for it, here's what the cars will really look like!"  Unfortunately, I know it isn't... the cars are going to actually look like this all season. 

One interesting feature of the STR9 Durante is that it's the first of the cars to not have a center pillar supporting the rear wing.  Instead, the endplates run all the way down to the floor and diffuser.  The sidepods don't have the complex sculpted undercutting to them that the McLaren and Ferrari have, making it all look very "big shoulder"-y.  Or at least as much as a F1 car can look brawny.

So tomorrow is going to be very busy indeed, as the first pre-season test in Jerez begins... expect there to be a LOT of new cars tomorrow!  See ya then.

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Hinwil.  Hardly a city name that inspires visions of glamour and intrigue.  Yet it is Hinwil in Switzerland, population 10602, that F1 Pr0n travels to today.  For this little town in the Swiss Confederation is the location of Sauber F1 Team, who today rolled out their car for the 2014 season, the Sauber C33!

Unfortunately, they did it by releasing just a pair of pictures of a grey car in a grey warehouse with a grey floor.  Still, we can (barely) tell what they're doing with the nose!

It's looks like it tapers in around the "Diamond I" on the front of the car, as opposed to McLaren's proboscis and Ferrari's Gypsylips.  Until we see a front shot, however, we can't be sure just what it looks like for sure.  What I CAN say is that it's completely different than the other two we've actually seen to date.  Other than that, however?  Just not enough detail in the angles we've got to say anything intelligent about the car... which is, truly, par for the course. 

Allegedly, the Toro Rosso rollout is Monday... see ya then!

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1 "...a grey car in a grey warehouse with a grey floor."

I don't see a problem here.

Posted by: GreyDuck at January 27, 2014 08:40 AM (CUkqs)

2 "Every time I press one of these little black buttons labelled in black on a black background, a little black light lights up black to let me know I've done something."

Posted by: RickC at January 27, 2014 09:11 AM (ECH2/)

3 A dark-emitting-diode, eh?

Posted by: Steven Den Beste at January 27, 2014 10:01 AM (+rSRq)

4 "What does it say?"

"Don't press this button again."

Posted by: Mauser at January 28, 2014 05:47 AM (TJ7ih)

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Despite their recent drought as far as championships go, the big team in Formula 1 is still the band from Maranello.  Today, Ferrari debuted their car for the 2014 season, the F14T.  Interestingly, the name was picked by the rabid tifosi in an online poll.  I wonder if anybody noticed that it spells "FIAT" in l33t?  Anyway, I understand the "T" stands for "turbo", but I'm just old enough to remember when teams were able to bring a spare car to the track, aka "the T car."  Whenever I'll look at the F14T name, I'm going to inevitably think of it as the "Ferrari F14 spare."

But enough of the ruminations of an old, bitter man.  What does the thing look like anyway?


Completely different style of nose from the McLaren, but equally legal.  I suspect we'll be seeing this type of thing at each and every rollout: how will each team interpret the new rules, and which interpretation will be the best?  It's not as ugly as the McLaren, but something tells me that the Glare on Wheels might actually have the better solution.  Interestingly, the Ferrari has much smaller sidepod radiator inlets than the McLaren.  Clearly they don't think they'll have cooling difficulties.

Oh geez.  What looks acceptable from the front suddenly looks really, really ugly from the 3/4 position.  The MP4-29 has a nice clean arc from cockpit to tip.  This is like the 2012 stepped nose that everybody hated, mixed with a substantially lower termination point... yick.

I actually like this; as long as I don't have to look at the nose, the car looks good.  I even like the paintjob... the less Ferrari Red on the track, the better.  In comparison to last year's car, the back half of the F14T is bigger, so as to fit all the new engine components and such into it.  Sidepods don't seem to be as steeply undercut as they have been in past years, either.  We'll see!

Ferrari decided to give us a nice glamour shot as well... click for more, and no staples!

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Every year around this time, something special occurs.  The hibernating F1 Circus begins to stir, shaking off the accumulated dust and tireclag of the offseason.  It used to be that the big Red team would be the first to stumble out of the cave, blinking and sneezing, but no longer is this the case.  This year, it's the Glare on Wheels that's made it's way into the light first... not only that, but it stopped to pose for some pictures.  So, let's kick off the new season with some true F1 Pr0n, the debut of the McLaren MP4-29!

New regulations this year require a very very low nose, with the front wing attached to it by twin pillars, and you can see that quite clearly in this shot.  What you don't see is the thinner rear-wing elements required, or the larger sidepod intakes needed to help cool all the new engine stuff required for the turbocharger and larger KERS battery pack.  No, that's all visible from the front... so let's see that sexy, sexy front view, shall we?

Off in the distance, I hear the sound of retching and wails from those weak of heart: "Dear god, what in the name of all that's holy is that?"  I'll admit, even though I knew it was coming, the new eatanter nose is... um... er... what's the term I'm looking for here?

Ah yes: Fugly.  No other word even comes close to describing the travesty foisted upon us by the FIA rulebook this year.  I mean, dear heavens, just look at that thing... who could really like that?

Ladies and Gentlemen, McLaren's biggest fan. 

However, all is not lost... the little team from Woking has one tradition that they haven't thrown away quite yet: the glamour shot!  Click "more" to see what I'm talking about... but not until you put the kids to bed.


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Yes, I know F1 cars are debuting today.  I'm at work, I'll do it when I get home.

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