June 11, 2015

Achievement Unlocked

So there I was, asleep.  Peacefully, blissfully, sleepily asleep.  Totally asleep.  And then, at 854am, everything changed.  Because at 854am, my cellphone rang.  Immediately, I snapped awake... not because I'm really good at waking up, but because the phone was about six inches from my ear, and the ringer was ridiculously obnoxious.  Intentionally, of course, just on the off chance that this exact occurrence... um... occurred.  I looked at the listed number, and didn't recognize it... except for the area code.  It was the code for Duckford, and pretty much anybody who would be calling me from Duckford was programmed into the phone already... and I started to get excited.

A couple of weeks ago, an e-mail came through my inbox.  It was from the company that interviewed me back in March, and turned me down for a position because I apparently had a giant pulsating brain.  They didn't want giant pulsating brains on staff for fear they'd be bored with the job.  They were looking for more staff, and would I be interested in re-interviewing?  I failed to see what the point would be since I hadn't gotten much stupider in a couple of months, but it's not like dozens of other companies were beating down my door... and maybe if I drooled on myself during the interview, I could convince them that I was what they were looking for.

This was actually when I took a weekend off, by the way.  Part of the laundry I got done was my bestest dress shirt, don'tchaknow.  A couple of days later, I found myself at the job location attempting to look like a well-dressed simpleton.  I'm not entirely convinced I managed to pull off either of those two things, but at least I was wearing a suit and tie.  That matched.  Intentionally!  After I had been standing in the reception area for a few minutes, my interviewer popped up and I felt a moment of growing hope: it wasn't the person that had interviewed me in March.  After we chatted for maybe ten minutes, doing the usual interview routine ("oh, you were a paid assassin?  Interesting... would you have problems doing office work?"), the moment I had feared came to pass.  She looked at her notes and said "You're very smart."

If I had managed to keep that hidden up to this point in the interview, my response pretty much blew the camouflage right off.  "That's what the tests say, at any rate."  I then gave a short speech on how I felt that I had lost my chance at the previous position because of my giant pulsating brain, and that I wanted to assure her that it really wouldn't be a problem.  And then she said the magic words: "I agree.  My team does different, more difficult tasks.  Being smart isn't a drawback, because I can train you on more things."

Even with those assurances ringing in my ears, I was loathe to rejoice quite yet.  We talked for another fifteen minutes or so, then she said there's going to be a background check, of course.  For whatever reason, background checks fill me with terror.  No, there's no secrets in my history, no more than any other person that is.  But who's to say that the traffic ticket I got 27 years ago won't be enough to tell them not to hire me... or that the Powers That Be that ran the Duck U Bookstore wouldn't jab another pencil into my brain?  So I left the interview, picked up something for lunch, and returned to Pond Central.  And spent the next seven days waiting to hear something.  When it reached seven days, I began to rationalize.  When it hit eight days, I figured I was out of luck again and had a pleasant Mexican dinner with The Librarian.  That was last night.

So there I was, asleep.  Peacefully, blissfully, sleepily asleep.  Totally asleep.  And then, at 854am, everything changed.  Because at 854am, my cellphone rang.  It was the head of Human Resources at the place I had interviewed, saying those words I'd almost given up on ever hearing again: "we think you'd be a great fit with us and would like to offer you a position in our company."  I start June 22nd.

I feel more a sense of relief than joy.  Strangely, the feeling I have now is similar to the one I had when I got canned almost exactly 11 months ago.  Without the whole "getting canned" part, that is.  I'm certainly looking forward to feeling like a productive member of society again.

Posted by: Wonderduck at 11:37 PM | Comments (29) | Add Comment
Post contains 768 words, total size 6 kb.

1 Congratulations!

Posted by: Mauser at June 12, 2015 02:39 AM (TJ7ih)

2 Congratulations and good luck.

Posted by: HC at June 12, 2015 03:16 AM (7TaEk)

3 OUT-freakin-standing amigo.  Must confess, I had thought it was ~ 9 months off of top of cranium, but maybe now you'll be too busy to wax my keister in the fantasy league....
God bless - and if I can help you have 2 or 3 ways to get a message to me.


Posted by: The Old Man at June 12, 2015 06:11 AM (o6+UC)

4 Fantastic!  Fantastic!  And, apparently, on much better terms.

Posted by: Ben at June 12, 2015 07:09 AM (S4UJw)


Good stuff!

Will you be moving?

Posted by: Steven Den Beste at June 12, 2015 07:22 AM (+rSRq)

6 "YES YES YES THIS ROCKS" -- Homer J Simpson

Posted by: GreyDuck at June 12, 2015 07:43 AM (/zxpg)

7 Congratulations!!

Posted by: JT at June 12, 2015 07:59 AM (iStSI)

8 Congrats and good luck.

Posted by: Mitch H. at June 12, 2015 08:58 AM (jwKxK)

9 Right on.

Posted by: Will at June 12, 2015 09:30 AM (NHaQU)

10 Aweall should be a word, used for things that are better than just  just awesome

Not just a job, but some hope that it will be a more appropriate job than the first opening, and worth the wait...

Posted by: Ad absurdum per aspera at June 12, 2015 10:11 AM (470Py)

11 Congrats!
And as The Old Man says, maybe now I don't have to keep looking worriedly over my shoulder quite as much.

Posted by: ReallyBored at June 12, 2015 10:41 AM (ulGxe)

12 Steven asks "Will you be moving?

In fact, this job is even closer to Pond Central than the Duck U Bookstore!  It's maybe two miles away, instead of roughly four.

Posted by: Wonderduck at June 12, 2015 10:48 AM (jGQR+)

13 Congratulations and rock on.

Posted by: Pete Zaitcev at June 12, 2015 10:53 AM (RqRa5)

14 Congratulations!  I'm very glad to hear this.

Posted by: David at June 12, 2015 11:20 AM (dr1tX)



I know the start date was probably chosen because June 22 is a Monday, but I am amused that you will be starting on the anniversary of Operation Barbarossa.

Posted by: cxt217 at June 12, 2015 12:28 PM (dzsuJ)

16 Congratulations!  I hope the wait will have been worth it.
Good luck, Duck.

Posted by: topmaker at June 12, 2015 12:57 PM (i0rVe)

17 I am amused that you will be starting on the anniversary of Operation Barbarossa.

To great employment for the Motherland!  Stalin's whiskers, guide my path!

Posted by: Wonderduck at June 12, 2015 02:10 PM (jGQR+)

18 Congrats!

Posted by: Rick C at June 12, 2015 03:00 PM (ECH2/)

19 Yee-haw.

Posted by: jon spencer at June 12, 2015 06:13 PM (JSYPT)

20 Congratulations!  Any honest job is a good job, but it does sound like this position might at least be marginally more interesting than the previous one.  Do you know if you'll be doing things other than data entry?

Posted by: flatdarkmars at June 12, 2015 07:26 PM (riGxn)

Posted by: Siergen at June 12, 2015 08:55 PM (Evmuu)

22 Yip yip!

And as a bonus, it seems they have a functioning HR department, since they remembered you, called you back in when they had a suitable opening, and were smart enough to hire you.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at June 12, 2015 09:26 PM (2yngH)


Wow, I'm late to the party.  Congrats!

One of those "thank God for unanswered prayers" things, if this job is better for you than the previous one you were too Brainiac for.

Posted by: Mikeski at June 12, 2015 10:39 PM (/KkcU)

24 FDM, I honestly don't know.  We might be the team that handles the less-easy data entry stuff, or we might be the "checkers and fixers".  I don't have enough data at the moment to even take a guess.

Pixy, miracles do occur, I suppose!

Mikeski, you're not wrong.  Though I'd've been happy to be doing the less exciting job  because, quite honestly, there's a checkbook here in front of my keyboard that begins weeping every time my hand comes near it...

Posted by: Wonderduck at June 12, 2015 10:47 PM (jGQR+)

25 Heck yeah! Congratulations!

Posted by: Tom Tjarks at June 13, 2015 08:05 AM (J0lM9)

26 Congratulations and Good Luck! Now show them just what your giant, pulsating brain is capable of! MUAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! (Sorry, I got a little over-excited there...)

Posted by: Peter the Not-so-Great at June 13, 2015 02:15 PM (dzzLh)

27 Hurray! And all good luck to you!

Posted by: Suburbanbanshee at June 13, 2015 02:55 PM (ZJVQ5)

28 Congratulations.

Posted by: Riktol at June 15, 2015 12:32 PM (MQZN9)



Mad congrats and all that.  Don't confuse your day-job for who you really are.  "My country: right or wrong" is about as apposite as "my wife: drunk or sober."  I want "Our Wonderduck, clocked in or out."

Posted by: Clayton Barnett at June 19, 2015 09:10 AM (lU4ZJ)

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