June 21, 2022

Too Ranty To NOT Use...

So I  got an email from the official First Friend of the Pond Vaucaunson's Duck (est 197 today that ended with "Hang In There."

The following is much of the response I sent.

Hanging is sounding more and more like the right choice! Though all things considered, my luck has been so bad recently that the hangin' folks ("Nooses R Us"?) would probably use a bungee cord instead of a rope:

"May Heaven grant you forgiveness, for you'll get none from us. Hangman, if you would?"


"Haw haw haw!!! You shoulda seen the look on your face! Actually, us too, what with the black hood and all. But I'll betcha it was funny!"

Huh... literal Gallows humor. Wasn't my plan, but what the hell, it's keeping my mind off the travesty they just served for lunch. Pot pies are called pot pies because they look like friggin' PIES, not because they look like someone made them while high on pot. Seriously, a dry, ice cream scoop sized, ball of some vegetables, and something that looks like... chicken? Tuna? The result of feeding a nice 2x4 into a wood chipper?...that's used as both the pastry part and the filling part.

Mmmmm... I love the smell of wood filler in the morning. But not, it must be said, when it's lunch. I'm starting to understand the people who say "I'd kill for a good slice of pizza"  AND MEAN IT. I've actually had dreams about swimming-pool sized deep dish pizza. Or simple mac and cheese that that tastes like it was at least in the vicinity of actual CHEESE at one point in its creation.


"Why did they use lasagna pasta?"
"Why does it have brown gravy?"
"Why is the cheese sauce spicier than the enchiladas we had yesterday?"
"What sins have I committed to deserve this punishment?"
"...where's the macaroni? What do you mean 'they substituted toast'???"

At least they haven't figured a way to ruin jello yet. I like the orange-colored better than the red-colored, and they're both better than every other color. Though I remember a black cherry jello that was really tasty growing up.


I didn't get any sleep last night, courtesy of two soggy and not very warm at all grilled turkey and cheese "sandwiches" and their effect on both my stomach and my gag reflex. My tum-tum didn't stop doing the Hustle until 430am, at which point a nurse came in and  turned on the 1000000lumen overhead lights to get my "roomies" BP. It took 19 minutes, as his brain is even farther off the reservation than I was led to believe. 

If I get no sleep tonight, you're probably getting a 4000 word essay on the evolution of the toothpaste tube's cap, such is the effect all of this crap is doing to my already stupid stream of consciousness.

Look forward to it, don't you?

Posted by: Wonderduck at 05:13 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 499 words, total size 3 kb.

1 I want to believe (said Mulder) that they didn't actually substitute toast but... oof.

May you be capable of ingesting (and acquiring) proper nourishment, soon!

Posted by: GreyDuck at June 22, 2022 08:12 AM (rKFiU)

2 GD my old and trusted, pizza night here was last Saturday.  Even though it's a pale mockery of what should be accepted as "pizza", I like it well enough and look forward to the two slices I get (normal is one, but I know a guy...).
Before the trays of us room eaters were brought, the kitchen RAN OUT OF PIZZA. 
So instead, we got a grilled cheese sandwich.
I WISH toast-for-pasta was a joke. I really do. 

Posted by: Wonderduck at June 22, 2022 10:24 AM (DB9Lx)

3 You're long past, I'm sure, the point of glaring skyward and muttering "Okay, we've all had our fun, we can all stop piling on now, yeah?"

Posted by: GreyDuck at June 22, 2022 02:21 PM (rKFiU)

4 Hanging in there feels apt! Given my recent luck, I'd end up with a bungee cord instead of a rope from "Nooses R Us." "May Heaven grant you forgiveness, for you'll get none from us. Hangman, if you would?" Lake Norman Real Estate Agents
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Posted by: Peter Contastathes at May 30, 2024 03:17 PM (5JGpG)

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