August 08, 2012

Telling A Tale

Around here, adventures tend to start in the usual cliched ways.  Beggars tell a story for a bit of coin, or an innkeeper mentions a rumor, and the usual suspects go running off brandishing their sword and shield knowing that this time, they'll strike it rich.  Certainly some have succeeded in the past: old Greyfang the Portly there, he slew the Witch of Glammistor and hasn't needed to work since.  Doubtless there's been others, but I'll be switched if I know who. 

Every time they go out, a couple less come back.  "Firedrake got Beardy Ned over by the Rocks," they'll claim, then drink to their failure by reminiscing about the poor sod.  Gripping tales of exciting adventure, sure, when Ned probably just fell off his horse and split his skull open on a rock.  "Helmet will save yer life," I told 'em, but did they ever listen?  In a pig's ear they did.  Just like their fathers before 'em, not that any of that lot knew who their fathers were.  Killed in the Great Marsh War, probably.  Lots of men went that way, called to the colors to fight in one godsforsaken spot or another.  Marshes don't seem like a place you'd want to fight for if you ask me, but what do I know?

Never can tell, though.  Occasionally there's reason enough for a war, though usually not so much.  "Prince Pureblood didn't like that batch of goldblossoms from Kroom, we've got to defend our honor!"  Queen Soggybottom oops-I-meant-Songbird-pardon-me tried to take over Salain-to-the-North because she thought that big mountain they've got would look good on the back of our coin.  Reckon she'd be right, too, except Salain-to-the-North kinda liked their mountain.  Sadly, they had a lot more swords than we did, not that our General Whats-his-name was any great tactician. "Towards those ugly bastards," he'd yell and forget about flanking maneuvers or that sort of thing.  Units charged and broke and ran, and he'd just yell for more.  "Victory will be ours, men, or we'll die trying!"

Well, he was half right.  Xenophobic dolt died trying to win against the Salainisti, and good riddance.  You like the story?  Zip me a coin, friend, and I'll tell you about the treasure General Whats-his-name had with him...

UPDATE: Since nobody seems to see it (I told Muppet what it was), there's a little trick hidden in the story... see if you can spot it!

Posted by: Wonderduck at 10:49 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
Post contains 408 words, total size 3 kb.

1 But what about... nah, nevermind. *slides the Duck a new drink*

Posted by: Tom Tjarks at August 09, 2012 12:31 PM (T5fuR)


slides the Duck a new drink

Just one drink?  I think you underestimating the quantity required here.


Posted by: cxt217 at August 09, 2012 07:33 PM (5xvCd)

3 *clears throat*

Posted by: Vaucanson's Duck at August 09, 2012 09:36 PM (OFJiW)

4 Oh my God.

Posted by: Brickmuppet at August 09, 2012 10:11 PM (gVSn1)

5 (chuckles at Vauc)

Posted by: Wonderduck at August 09, 2012 10:31 PM (4f95h)

6 A very orderly account, that.

Posted by: HC at August 10, 2012 12:49 AM (Yyzy6)

7 Awesome story. But, I know something it needs. Cannibals, or maybe zombies! Dumb guys with swords, meh, it's been done before. Every good story has flesh-eating monsters!

Posted by: andy at August 10, 2012 10:21 AM (R9Rm2)

8 Needs miko-magic. Every story is improved by miko-magic.

Posted by: Steven Den Beste at August 10, 2012 12:00 PM (+rSRq)

9 I'm pretty sure HC knows what I was driving at.  I KNOW Andy does.

Posted by: Wonderduck at August 10, 2012 03:21 PM (OS+Cr)

10 I just spotted it.

Posted by: Steven Den Beste at August 10, 2012 03:38 PM (+rSRq)


But I still think it could have used miko magic.

Posted by: Steven Den Beste at August 10, 2012 05:26 PM (+rSRq)

12 Steven, yep on the number, "meh" on the miko-magic... it was difficult  enough as it was.

Posted by: Wonderduck at August 10, 2012 10:12 PM (cpBqq)

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