September 12, 2022

Medical Indignities

So. Hi everybody! A little over a week ago, I went to the hospital for a planned procedure to deal with a kidneystone. The good news is that this stone had been located in a kidney... go figure, right?... back when all this crap began, and now it was in the bladder. PROGRESS!

The procedure is called a lithotripsy... spelling may be different in real life... which is a fancy way to say that they were going to run a camera attached to a super laser pointer up my lil' wonderducky and pretend to be the Death Star during its visit to Alderaan and break up the stone. 

From all reports the procedure went well, and after a 10am zapfest, I was back here by 4pm. Still a little zoned from the anesthesia they used, but otherwise cool. I even managed to eat half a peanut butter & jelly sandwich around 7pm.

At 8pm, I began reviewing inputs into the garbage can. Repeatedly. Until 3am, at which point I was taken back to the hospital. There was blood. 

IVs were inserted. Anti-nausea meds and saline solution were pushed to try and make life worth living again. Then once again, I was admitted for another stay on Tony's Body Shop, about 10 hours after the fun started. I stayed there until Sunday afternoon. The ceiling tiles were boring.

In between those times, I had two different doctors tell me that they were going to do things to my innards, coming from either end. In both cases, I would be anesthetized.

I told both of them no. Why did they think I was there in the first place? Right, I handled the sleepyjuice badly.  I'm not fond of medical personnel ignoring everything else to do their thing, then just flat out saying we're doing it. If it ain't a true must-do, at least consult with me, mmmkay? You'll catch more flies with honey than you will trying to push the fly into the jar. 

Somewhere around 10pm Friday, I fell asleep. Other than for medical things, I slept until early Sunday, then came back here.

Somewhere on Monday, I used the bucket. As I did so, something felt... wrong. Very wrong. Then, just as I began wondering if my prescription for pain pills had been filled, everything exploded. Once I got my eyes to stop spinning, I examined the bucket.

You know how in the bottom of a fish tank, there's a layer of gravel-like stones?  Apparently I had just expelled a fish tank from lil' wonderducky. I thought that the doc would be removing the kidneystone debris. I was wrong. Lot of it, though.

The pain meds didn't arrive until three days later. Now fast forward to this Saturday past and I'm looking up something on the hospital's patient portal and I see the report on the Death Star's visit to Alderaan. Curious, I began reading... and stopped dead when I reached the part where they broke up a 23mm stone... just under one inch in diameter. Thank whatever it is that watches out for ducks and idiots that it DIDN'T try to come out on its own.

I'm still passing bits and pieces, but the pain med helps. It also gives me the munchies. 

Posted by: Wonderduck at 09:57 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 546 words, total size 3 kb.

1 23mm. Holy yikes.

Posted by: GreyDuck at September 13, 2022 08:39 AM (rKFiU)

2 Thank you for the article! I have studied similar subjects! Unlike other submissions, however, I have a very unique impression of yours. I hope you will continue to share articles of this caliber with the public. quordle today

Posted by: kathy23 at December 25, 2023 05:49 AM (pK/Xg)

3 I have a distinct and exceptional perception geometry dash online of you. I anticipate that you will persist in disseminating material of this quality to the general audience. 

Posted by: afternoonexistence at February 14, 2024 08:13 PM (jkrpb)

4 I think your condition has gotten worse and you need to go to a bigger hospital for treatment. slither io

Posted by: Sara at April 15, 2024 09:44 PM (XJA3c)

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