September 16, 2005

In The Church of Speed.

Bless you, sister Mallory, for your energetic willingness to sign the petition at Truly, you will be One with the Lord.

...and now, let us pray. Please place both hands upon the Holy Wheel of Direction at 10-and-2-o'clock, gently apply pressure to the clutch, and repeat after me.

"There is no God but Speed, and Fangio is his prophet. May those who believe in the automatic shifter be smitten by your front elements at high speed, in your mercy. And may those who seek to attain Higher Velocities succeed, but only after great sacrifice, and the acquisition of a V-12 that runs at 16000 rpm, for that is The One True Engine, that screams with Your Voice.

"And may all who attempt Higher Velocities be safe in Your five-point Embrace. And may they always wear thy Holy Bell Skullcap, ere they stand before You, their Race ended prematurely by the Black Flag of life.

"And may those who seek to prevent Us from passing when We Righteously Have Thy Inside Line end up in Thy kitty litter. And may those who seek to pass Us do so only after the removal of Thine Divine Hurst Shifter from Our Cold, Dead Fingers.

"In Your mercy, Lord Speed, we beseech Thee, allow the Child of Fangio known as Minardi to retain its Holy Name, and thereby stand beside their equals on thy Podium of Life: The Children of Fangio, being named Ferrari, McLaren, Williams, BAR, Jordan, Toyota, Sauber and Renault. And may You show the correct path to the Child of Fangio that shalt not be called by Its True Name, instead to be known only as the 'Bison of Crimson,' and Righteously reconsider the path of Wickedness it may decide to pursue.

"May Your Gaze peer down upon those Children of Fangio that have come before us; Lotus and Brabham, Arrows and Benneton, Jaguar and March, Stewart and Tyrell. Keep them safely on Thy pit lane.

"As We sit on Thy Grid, Lord, allow us the skill and ability to drop Thine Hammer down upon Our Accelerators when Thine Lights doth go out, and Unto Us, grant Thine Flag of Checkers at the end of Our race. Amen."

I end this sermon today with the Words from the Book of Waltrip, verse #11: "It is time for Us to go forth and race. Boogity. Boogity. And a third time, Boogity."

Surely truer words have never been spoken. With that, I bring this sermon in the Church of Speed to an end. Listen to your spotters, brethren, and believe what they say unto you. In Fangio's Name, Amen.

Start Thine Engines.

Posted by: Wonderduck at 02:28 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 Say Halluluia! :-D

Posted by: Mallory at September 16, 2005 03:10 PM (M7kiy)

2 Put your hand on the blog if you believe. Do you belieeeeeeeeeeeveee? I believeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Posted by: flotsky at September 16, 2005 09:45 PM (vnSex)

3 Then I saw her face... now I'm a believer!

Posted by: Wonderduck at September 17, 2005 03:59 AM (ywZa8)

4 *singing along*

...not a trace of doubt in my mind...

Posted by: Mallory at September 17, 2005 09:27 AM (M7kiy)

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