August 06, 2006

F1 UPDATE!: HUNGARY

Now THAT, my friends, is what it's all about. It's F1 UPDATE! time!!!

*BUTTON FLIES: It's been three years since the last Brit won a F1 race. It's been 113 races since Jensen Button came into the sport. But, finally, both streaks have come to an end in the most exciting race in F1 UPDATE!'s lifetime. The Hungarian Grand Prix had it all: drama, comedy, action, suspense, speed, strategy both good and bad, and sheer joy at the conclusion.

*FOR WANT OF A LUGNUT, THE CHAMPIONSHIP WAS LOST?: In a day that brought so many surprises, the biggest one was a Renault tireman forgetting to tighten a wheel nut. Fernando Alonso wasn't going to win today, but he had a chance to finish second and undo all the gains Ferrari had made over the past three races. Instead, Alonso wound up off the track with a tire about to fall it's axle, giving Ferrari a chance to salvage gains from the day. Has the stress gotten to Renault? Ask the right-rear tiregunner.

*TEAM OF THE RACE: Never has it been easier for F1 UPDATE! to choose a TotR: Fourth place for Rubino, and the first win for both Jensen Button and Honda's factory team? Honda, congratulations! It's been a long time coming.

*DRIVE OF THE RACE: The only way this award wasn't going to Robert Kubica today was if Jensen Button won. So what happens? Jensen Button started 14th, clawed his way up the field, drove a flawless race in trying conditions, and won his first Grand Prix. Jensen Button, you deserve the Drive of the Race for sure.

*MOVE OF THE RACE: Making it a clean sweep for the Honda team, today's MotR goes to Jensen Button for the second race in a row. Lap 7, when Jensen passed Michael Schumacher for 4th place. It wasn't the most amazing pass ever, but it WAS one of the most important in a race. Well done, lad!

*MOOOOOOO-OVE OF THE RACE: Celebrating that which can bring even the greatest driver back to earth, the bovine in every car, the MOOOO-OVE is the worst driving incident in every race. Today's Mooo-ove came on lap 26. Kimi Raikkonen is about to lap Vitantonio Liuzzi when the Man of Ice apparently is distracted by something bright and shiny, perhaps his own car. For whatever reason it was, the Kimister just ran over the Toro Rosso, getting airborne in the process, and showering the track with carbon fiber shards, pieces of suspension, and chunks of Raikonnen's reputation. Well DONE, lad! Here's your Moooo-ove, and you might want to avoid Liuzzi for a while; he looked fit to kill.

*QUOTES OF THE RACE: "Sorry if my voice sounds a little strange, it's from all the screaming I've been doing." - Jensen Button. (note: real quote.)

"I get my first podium the same day that Jensen gets his first win. How great is that?" - Pete Rose (note: real, if paraphrased, quote.)

"Everybody DID see Michael cut the chicane twice before he ran into me, right?" - Nick Heidfeld (note: yes, WE did. The FIA, on the other hand...)

"*sob* I'm so happy for Jensen! I've won races, y'know... where's my beer?" - Rubens Barrichello.

"My car's looking pretty sorry for itself, to be honest." - David Coulthard's Chin (note: yup, real quote.)

"Yep, they pay me millions of dollars a year to finish sixth while their main competitor wins their first race. God, I love this job." - Ralf Schumacher.

"I am extremely happy with getting points in my first ever F1 race, and... wait, what do you MEAN, I've been excluded?!?!?" - Robert Kubica (note: in a move guaranteed to cause conspiracy theories to fly like the wind, Kubica was excluded post-race because his car was underweight by 2kg... putting Michael Schumacher into 8th and into the points)

"You DID notice I had fast lap of the race, right?" - Felipe Massa.

"*beep boop bip bip* Yeah, Bernie? Mike. Listen, I gots something you needs to do for me. The Pole? Kick him out. Yeah, I said kick him out! You don't want me to accidentally leave those pictures lyin' out, do ya? Good, thanks Bernie. *click*" - Michael Schumacher.

"I take solace in the fact that I didn't kill myself or others out there today." - Tiago Montiero.

"We made the wrong tyre choice at the beginning of the race. I don't know why; we must analyse why this happened." - Christijan Albers (note: real quote. Instant analysis from F1 UPDATE!: because you're MIDLANDS, you idjit!)

"Note to self: dry tires in wet conditions equals really exciting times." - American Scott Speed.

"Mmmmmmm... engine flambe! Poof!" - Jarno Trulli.

"Oh, was I in the race today? Nobody saw me." - Takuma Sato.

"Ever wonder what would happen if you took a tiregun to someone? I aim to find out..." - Fernando Alonso.

"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" - Vitantonio Liuzzi.

"MBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" - Kimi Raikkonen.

...AND NOW, THE QUOTE OF THE RACE...
"Well, at least you've got a good fuel strategy." - Peter Windsor, to Nico Rosberg.
"I do?" - Nico Rosberg, in reply.

"No, seriously, can you BELIEVE that I've got a contract for next year already?" - Giancarlo Fisichella.

"Mmmm... kitty litter." - Christian Klien.

...AND NOW, THE WEIRD QUOTE OF THE RACE...
"While going through the kink at the back of the circuit, I just grazed the armco. The wing became stuck under the tub and I just couldn’t get out of it." - Mark Webber. (note: translations available upon request.)

"I've now doubled the amount of laps I've put on the SA06. To two." - Sakon Yamamoto.

In conclusion, we here at F1 UPDATE! want to talk about the look on Jensen Button's face up there on the top step of the podium. We're a jaded bunch here, but we couldn't help but smile at the look of joy he had. It made us glad to be F1 fans again. For that, we say thanks, Jense.

Now win #2.

See you in Turkey!

Posted by: Wonderduck at 05:26 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 1011 words, total size 6 kb.

1 That was stunning. I was prepared for the usual Hungary snoozefest until I turned the show on, and "Hello, its raining". From that moment on it was one of the most involving and exciting races we've had for a long time. Jensen winning was obviously brilliant, but there was so much all round to enjoy.

Oh and your DC quote of the race from ITV was this exchange with a female reporter:
FR: So what difference does Hungary being colder make to you?
DC: Well for one it makes it more fun than usual to look at your chest.

Absolutely real quote.

Posted by: flotsky at August 06, 2006 07:12 PM (6T2ID)

2 How can you not love DC'sC?

Posted by: Wonderduck at August 07, 2006 03:19 AM (+rGmJ)

3 Is this the first time we've heard from the McLaren team radio?

Posted by: buttons at August 07, 2006 08:52 PM (pvJKm)

4 Mmm. Other than when Kimi was winning last year...?

Posted by: Wonderduck at August 08, 2006 01:20 AM (y6n8O)

5 So, is Jenson going to shave now?

Posted by: Pete Zaitcev at August 08, 2006 12:21 PM (9imyF)

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