July 08, 2007


The wails can be heard across the pond (as opposed to The Pond), so I think we'd best get this edition of the F1 UPDATE! a-goin'!

*THE ICEMAN COMETH: Two in a row, and first man to three wins, Kimi Raikkonen has hoisted himself back into the Driver's Championship. It's also the second race that he's won in the second round of pitstops, but it took some serious driving to pull it off. He stayed glued to Hamilton's tail in the first stint, who proved to be running on a light fuel load. When he couldn't pull away from Kimi, Lewis' chance to win disappeared. Alonso took the lead after the first round of stops, but only because McLaren short-fueled him... and HE couldn't get away from Kimi, either. Raikkonen pounded out four or five brutally fast laps after Alonso's stop, and came out a couple of seconds ahead after his 2nd stop... and the race was over. Ferrari brought the speed today, but Kimi really made it work.

*...WHA HOPPEN?: Lewis Hamilton should have been able to make this a good race. After the first pit rotation, though, he fell from first to third, and just disappeared. He seemed to be having problem adjusting to his tires in the middle stint, and his car performance just cratered in the final run. He was still on the podium, true, but that's really only because Felipe Massa's Ferrari stalled on the grid and he wound up having to start from the pitlane. Lewismania is still alive and well, but this would have to be the most disappointing race of his career. All nine races of it.

*DRIVER OF THE RACE: Choose a Ferrari! Raikkonen wins with an impressive run, Massa finishes fifth despite starting from the pits. In fact, he was 10th by lap 8, and at one point was as high as third. We're going to give it to Massa, but if you think Kimi deserves it, we sure won't argue with you.

*TEAM OF THE RACE: McLaren. Ferrari had the impressive drives, but McLaren still had both cars on the podium, and it took some perfect racing from Kimi Raikkonen and perfect strategy from the team to keep Alonso from the win. They still have the same point lead in the constructor's championship that they had when they started the day, so it was a good day for them. But if Felipe Massa hadn't stalled on the grid...

*MOVE OF THE RACE: On lap 7 of Felipe Massa's charge through the field, he came upon the battle for 10th place between David Coulthard's Chin and Nico Rosberg. At Vale, Rosberg got into the grass, The Chin bobbled, and Massa nearly drove past them both at once. Instead, he only got Wonderboy, but was all over the back of Red Bull. DC'sC held off Massa for only a short time, but then Massa was gone, off in pursuit of Jarno Trulli. A nice little sequence, and quite deserving of the MotR.

*MOOOOOOOO-OOVE OF THE RACE: Even the best get it wrong sometimes. They make one little mistake and their multi-million dollar triumph of engineering suddenly looks like a hoofed ruminant, grazing it's way across the fields. Today's Mooooo-oove wasn't quite as bad as Christijan Albers driving away with the fuel hose, but it could count as the first true race mistake of Lewis Hamilton's career. The young lad pits from the lead on lap 16, and a flawless pitstop begins... until the lollypop man signals Master Lewis to prepare to drive away. Hamilton, who probably had more adrenaline in him than any 20 normal beings, began to drive away... with the fuel hose still attached. He only lurched a foot or two, no real harm except for a couple of extra seconds lost, but it's the first sign of rookie behaviour (note British spelling) from the 22-year old. Nicely done, Lewis Hamilton, here's your first Mooooo-oove!

*DRIVER QUOTES OF THE RACE: "mrmmmbl mrmbblblmr mrlbmlbl mrlblblll Massa mrbl heh heh heh." - Kimi Raikkonnen

"That's more like it... the rook behind me. Take that, brat." - Fernando Alonso

"Every grid girl is going home with me tonight. Take that, old man." - Lewis Hamilton

"My second race back after the wreck at Montreal, my second 4th place. Maybe I should barrel-roll my car more often?" - Robert Kubica

"Great. Kimi's going to be insufferable at Maranello. Just fscking great. Why do I suspect the Hand of Stepney in this?" - Felipe Massa

"My beard is unhappy." - Grizzly Nick Heidfeld

"hkllk klllhklhh llhklllmll mmbllbkkhh. heh." - Heikki Kovelininenenninnie

"We've lost ground to BMW two races running. Who could have imagined Renault saying that? I wonder if NASCAR is hiring?" - Giancarlo Fisichella

"The RA106 is a good car. Much better than the RA107. Dear God, I don't believe I left Ferrari for this." - Rubens Barrichello

"Gosh, my back hurts. No, really, it does. Ow. See?" - Jenson Button

"I didn't drive very well today, unfortunately." - David Coulthard's Chin (note: real quote)

"F1 UPDATE! is calling me 'Wonderboy' again. For some reason, I don't think it's a compliment anymore." - Nico Rosberg (It never was, lad. - F1 UPDATE! crew)

"GRARRRRRGH! Speed hit Wurz... WURZ SMASH!!!" - Man-mountain Wurz

"Difficult weekend. T-car, bakayaro." - ~TAKU~

"At least I kept the fuel hose on the rig this week." - Christijan Albers

"Something got stuck between my back and my seat, so it was really uncomfortable to drive, especially as this is a high speed circuit so it was very painful." - Vitantonio Liuzzi (note: real quote. We at F1 UPDATE! suspect the 'something' was his neck, since his head is generally up his arse, but we'd never say that out loud...)

"I have nothing to say that is either relevant or true." - Jarno Trulli

"My rear end was dragging like a constipated dog's." - Ant Davidson

"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" - American Scott Speed

"I love my job. I'll have great memories of it when I'm working the drive-thru lane of the Bitburg McDonalds." - Ralf Schumacher

"Ka-BLAMMO!" - Adrian Sutil

"As I came into Becketts, I had no power steering. I tried to keep going, but no hydraulics meant no throttle, steering, gearbox, the whole shooting match.” - Mark Webber (note: real quote. Really, who says 'the whole shooting match' anymore?)

And so, the second half of the F1 season gets underway. Next up, the European GP in two weeks at The Nurb! See ya then, and stay tuned for Stepneygate Updates!

Posted by: Wonderduck at 01:00 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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1 Great F1 Update, as always!

Yay! Back to Speed for the next race! None of this tape delay business.

Posted by: Mallory at July 09, 2007 01:05 AM (KJzva)

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