July 01, 2007

F1 UPDATE!: FRANCE!

Meh. Here's the UPDATE!

*ADIEU, MANGY-CURS!: There will be a French Grand Prix next year. It just won't be at the Circuit de Nevers... and we at F1 UPDATE! couldn't be happier. It's not just that it's too narrow, or has too many turns, it's both combined. Worse yet, the turns are ill-placed: just when you get a run on the car ahead of you, there's a turn and your run is thrown out the window. They say that the last sequence of turns at Indianapolis is 'Mickey Mouse'? Mangy-Curs is ALL 'Mickey Mouse' to me.

*BONJOUR, FERRARI!: The Big Red Machine took the two top steps on the podium, and other than the first few laps when Lewis Hamilton was trying to get by, they weren't really challenged. We might just have a Constructor's Championship again.

*DRIVER OF THE RACE: Robert Kubica, BMW-Sauber. First race back after his incredible crash in Montreal, and he finishes fourth in a performance as dominant as any of the three ahead of him. BMW-Sauber is a step below the Big Two, and it's a big step, but they're the best of the rest. Honorable Mention to Jensen Button for getting his Honda across the line in 8th and earning them their FIRST standing point this year.

*TEAM OF THE RACE: Ferrari. Fastest in practices, fastest in quals, fastest in the race, top two finishers, and that after being outclassed for a few races? No chance it'd be anybody else, really.

*MOVE OF THE RACE: Fernando Alonso was harrassing Grizzly Nick Heidfeld for most of the first half of the race, throwing his car through the outside of turns in the hope of being able to keep up enough speed to get past, but failing every time. But on lap 33, Heidfeld was a little slow coming out of turn 10... but there's no way you can pass between 10 and the final chicane, the straightaway there is about two carlengths long. We know it, you know it, the fans knew it, the announcers knew it, and Heidfeld knew it. Alonso didn't. When Heidfeld went to go into the chicane, he discovered A Glare With Wheels to his inside, leaving him nowhere to go, and nothing to do but watch Alonso scurry past and run away. Brilliant pass, well-deserving of the Move of the Race.

*MOOOOOOO-OOOVE OF THE RACE: Celebrating the worst of the best, the Mooooo-ooove relishes and wallows in the bovine that lurks within every F1 pilot. Drivers leave the pits too early all the time. Not every driver leaves the pits so early they take the entire refueling hose and a couple of his pitcrew with him. And not every team could have this happen to them. Now, who could it be?

The acceleration is down a bit.  I wonder why?
...it's pulling to the left, too.

Congratulations to Christijan Albers and Team Spyker... here's your Moooooo-ooove!

*DRIVER QUOTES OF THE RACE: "Mrmmblmmblmm mrrmbmlmmlmrbl. Mrb." - Kimi Raikkonen

"He passed me in the pit rotation, and in the entire race, he was only faster than me on two laps. Tell me again why he won and I didn't?" - Felipe Massa (note to FOX: it's pronounced 'fuh-LEE-pay', not 'fuh-LEEP', okay?)

"ONLY a third place? A lousy, stinkin' third place? Feh." - Lewis Hamilton

"(twitch) No, I'm (twitch) fine, there's (twitch) no (twitch) problem with (twitch) me at (twitchtwitch) all. Why (twitch) do you (twitch) ask?" - Robert Kubica

"Yay, I made the 'Move of the Race'. Sure, I was postered, but I got something." - Grizzly Nick Heidfeld

"Was I ever on TV today? I drive a Renault, for god's sake, French TV should have been running us 24/7!" - Giancarlo Fisichella

"SEVENTH?!?!" - Fernando Alonso

"I won once. Now I'm happy with eighth. Gimme that beer." - Jensen Button

At this point, our man in the Interview room gave up and left. Let's face it, folks, this was not an interesting race, save for Albers trying to take his pit crew on a lap with him, and the comments need some source material to work with.

So, anyway, it's over and done, and Silverstone is next week! Life is good. See ya then!

Posted by: Wonderduck at 04:50 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 691 words, total size 4 kb.

1 I gather it didn't rain?

Posted by: Steven Den Beste at July 01, 2007 07:43 PM (+rSRq)

2 No more Magny Cours?
No more Indy Cours? (maybe)

I was really bummed that Fox chose to skip the podium ceremony in favor a commercial. For Pete's sake, it was a taped raced--couldn't they have fit it in somewhere???? For instance, they could have cut some of the time frittered away by Smarmy at the beginning of the show. (I'm surprised he didn't follow Lewis Hamilton into the restroom.)

Posted by: Mallory at July 02, 2007 12:33 AM (KJzva)

3 When did pit crews start wearing helmets and firesuits? They must boil in those things on a hot day.

The drivers have to wear that kind of gear, too, but when they're driving they've got airflow to keep them cool.

Posted by: Steven Den Beste at July 02, 2007 12:18 PM (+rSRq)

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