September 14, 2005

YOUR F1 Glossary!

So here I am, tired after a long day that began with a dentist visit (note: don't EVER let anybody tell you ducks don't have teeth), and ended with the usual Wednesday night Duck U. Anime Club... all in all, I was away from the Pond for 13+ hours.

Anyway, I fired up the duckputer, and I discovered an e-mail from Official First Reader Mallory, wondering what _______ meant. I started to answer, but decided to turn it into a post (mostly because I didn't have anything better to work with)!

So, without further ado, I present YOUR F1 Glossary!

Tifosi: horde of red-clad, airhorn wielding visigoths that seem to appear at every race, even in places that have never seen a Ferrari ("Oh, sure, there's loads of Enzos in Beijing, aren't there?")

boot:
1) British for watercraft (see "Spa").
2) something a F1 car doesn't have.

nose: piece of F1 equipment that generally falls off in turn one.

Jordan: F1 Team that is destined to be the butt of every joke in this Glossary.

Schumi: (verb) to physically slap someone on the helmet with bare hands. (e.g.: "Did that guy just schumi you?" "Yes. The ambulance will be here in a few minutes." "Moron.")

aero package: a major piece of the car has fallen off. (e.g.: "I ruined the car's aero package when I hit the wall, a Jordan, and three trees.")

Minardi Chicane: what forms when two cars stall on the grid.

grid: full complement of 20 cars for a race (note: six for Indianapolis).

grid girl: what JP Montoya pays attention to, instead of the starting lights.

bodywork: specific parts of a grid girl that JP Montoya looks at.

monocoque: single rooster. Every car has a monocoque as part of the vehicle's body; this is known as the cockpit.

paddles: what the boot uses at Spa.

pole: an item often inserted into the posterior of someone that schumis someone else. This results in the well-known Pole Position.

"Splash and Dash": what drivers do at a bar when they realize they've forgotten their wallet.

ballast:
1) weights carried in a boot.
2) weights carried in a F1 car to reach a defined weight. In Jordan cars, this is also known as a "driver."

Spa: a lake in Belgium, cunningly disguised as a racetrack.

kitty litter: where cars that need to be buried by cats go. See also Jordan.

Parc Ferme: French for "Ferrari Employees Only."

oversteer: why cars end up in the kitty litter.

understeer: something that ruins a car's aero package and often causes it to end up in the kitty litter.

bottoming: what this column has done.

Posted by: Wonderduck at 05:08 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 444 words, total size 3 kb.

1 Wow, first off, the blog is now on the dark side, love it

Schumi Possibly my favourite moment of the whole season right there, when Schmacher suddenly realises "oh right, we wear them for protection, not just to make our heads look bigger".

Posted by: flotsky at September 14, 2005 09:06 PM (6T2ID)

2 BRAVO!!!

Loved the glossary. Great job!

That Schumi moment was my favorite of the race, too. Nothing like a bad year to bring out the 10-year-old in someone. ;-)

Posted by: Mallory at September 15, 2005 12:17 AM (ywZa8)

3 "Jean, I want a Championship. I want it NOW!!! *holds breath*"

Of course, after I published this list, I thought of a few dozen more... I'll have to write them down and use 'em later.

Flotsky, now I can finally read my own blog!

Posted by: Wonderduck at September 15, 2005 03:12 AM (+rGmJ)

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