November 10, 2018

F1 Quals: Brazil '66 in 2018

I don't understand Formula 1 anymore.  First it rained but nobody seemed to care.  Then drivers forgot how to drive, but nobody was penalized.  Then a driver decided to break everything in a fit of pique, and he didn't get a grid penalty.  Then it didn't rain but everybody freaked out anyway.  And then the announcers thought one of the lakes was rain.  Brazil: if you're not confused, you're not in Brazil!  Here's the provisional grid for the 2018 Grand Prix of Brazil '66:

Pos Driver Car Q1 Q2 Q3
1 Lewis Hamilton Mercedes 1:08.464 1:07.795 1:07.281
2 DA Vettel Ferrari 1:08.452 1:07.776 1:07.374
3 Valtteri Bottas Mercedes 1:08.492 1:07.727 1:07.441
4 Kimi Räikkönen Ferrari 1:08.452 1:08.028 1:07.456
5 DH Verstappen Red Bull Racing 1:08.205 1:08.017 1:07.778
6 Frowny Ricciardo Red Bull Racing
1:08.544 1:08.055 1:07.780
7 Sony Ericsson Sauber Ferrari 1:08.754 1:08.579 1:08.296
8 Charles AMX-30 Sauber Ferrari 1:08.667 1:08.335 1:08.492
9 Lettuce Grosjean Haas Ferrari 1:08.735 1:08.239 1:08.517
10 Pierre Ghastly Scuderia Toro Rosso 1:09.046 1:08.616 1:09.029
11 DP Magnussen Haas Ferrari 1:08.474 1:08.659
12 Lawsuit Perez Force India Mercedes 1:09.217 1:08.741
13 False Esteban! Force India Mercedes 1:09.264 1:08.770
14 Nico Hulkenberg Renault 1:09.009 1:08.834
15 Sergey Sir Otkin Williams Mercedes 1:09.259 1:10.381
16 Carlos Sainz Renault 1:09.269

17 Brendon Hartley Scuderia Toro Rosso 1:09.280

18 V8S Alonso McLaren Renault 1:09.402

19 Veruca Stroll Williams Mercedes 1:09.441

20 Stoffelwaffle McLaren Renault 1:09.601


I said that I didn't understand F1 anymore, and this Quals session just made that totally clear in that I couldn't follow what was actually going on.  Nothing seemed to be happening the way I'm used to and I can't quite put my finger on why.  The only thing I got out of it is that Ferrari got sneaky, managed to qualify on the hardest rubber compound in Q2, while everybody else was on either the softest or the medium.  So not only will Ferrari be fast, and at the top of the grid, but they'll be able to go longer than anybody else in the Top 10, too.

Fortunately for DA Vettel, he's not going to get penalized for his little contretemps in Q2.  See, cars are randomly selected during Quals to be weighed during the sessions, just to make sure everybody is conforming to standards... and since it's random, you can't cheat without risking getting ejected.  Vettel was selected as he was coming in for new tires, which caused a little problem.  See, it was looking like rain, so you really wanted to get laps done before the moisture made the track undriveable.  So Vettel hurried over to the weighbridge, which was blocked by an orange cone... don't move in until the cone is removed... and promptly kicked the cone into another city.  Then he drove onto the scale pads and did NOT turn off his engine, which is required.  He then started waving his hands in the air like he was trying to land a Dauntless on a carrier.  Eventually he got settled, the car was weighed, and he drove off to his pits, screaming a blue streak as he went.  Except those scale pads?  They're NOT designed to be used as takeoff points, so his rear wheels basically kicked them in the opposite direction from the one the cone went.  This destroys the weighbridge.  For a while, it looked like DA Vettel was going to be kicked out of Quals.  Then there was thought he'd get a grid penalty.  As it turned out, he was hit with a €25000 fine and a non-driving reprimand, which means he was taken to the principals office and hit on the hands with a ruler.  Oh, why "DA"?  It stands for "dumb@ss," which he's proven to be this season.  Wear it with pride, DA.

Race in the noonish on ESPN2, I think.  See ya then and there.

Posted by: Wonderduck at 01:03 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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