January 07, 2022

So This Is The Hospital? Needs Better Urinals.

The ambulance backed into the ERs dropbox, dragged me out the rear... better than via the roof hatch.  I actually asked why there was a roof hatch, but alas I was already being rolled into the lovely eggshell blue hallway to a room past the open bay where the high pressure world of traumatic wounds and spurting blood in a life or death conflict against Death itself.


Two doctors were eating pizza and chatting. But in a high intensity manner.

The EMTs had one last gift for me as they dragged me off the gurney to the bed-like object that would be my resting spot for the next five hours. They tried not to bump me around, but failed. Not really their fault... YOU try transferring a walrus from one table to another, see how it goes. The next hour is mostly a blur now. Medical people wandering in, poke and prod, then wandering right back out again. Somewhere in there they gave me a stylish gown in no specific color... a sartorial choice that I have become quite familiar with, alas.  

Eventually I began recognizing people that made multiple stops in my space. One actually poked me with a needle to take blood... the first of many vampire visits I'd experience. Someone else hung a bag of whatever because that's what the do in hospitals, then plugged it in.

I'm reading the above stuff, and it's not really very funny. None of it really was, honestly. it's even past my admittedly tiny abilities to make funny. There was a lot of pain involved. Like when they took x-rays of my upper leg and they needed me to turn my leg this way or the other... that really was agony.

Then it was time for the device I'd become very familiar with... the Angry Growling Donut. Yes, others call it a CT Scanner, but I don't care. Sadly I had to do the leg trick again, except in a small confined space with no room to move. Fun was had by all. Then it was back up to the warm and inviting ER room and its remarkably comfortable table with great back support. 

By now it'd been a couple of hours, and I'm sure this'll come as a shock to everybody, I needed to use the little ducky room. This caused a rather confused look to appear on the nurse's face: What do you do when a patient the size of a treaty battleship needs to pump bilges take a leak when he can't sail walk? A handheld urinal was out; prior experience definitely rendered that a non-starter. Suddenly the expression of "brilliant idea!" appeared on the face of a second nurse that had been called in for consultation. Or moral support maybe? Was never quite clear on that, just the first time of many over the next couple of weeks. The decision was made: the collection container (two liters... I appreciated their optimism) from a suction machine (note: possible foreshadowing) and two diapers to catch possible overflows (really, it was quite flattering)...

...and everything held in place by two nurses.

Ah. Yes, of course. I should have realized beforehand.  Suddenly the old adage passed through my mind: "You have no pride, you have no shame. You're in marketing!" Or, in this case, a hospital. Ah well, 25 years of retail burned all that down to a small, mewling thing huddled in the corner of my mind, and it's not like worse things didn't happen the last couple of years at the Duck U Bookstore. So once everything had been set up and the audience allowed to take their seats. I let fly. I tried very hard to keep the sigh of relief contained; no reason to make this any weirder than it already was.
Prize gathered (240ml... hey, it'd been a long time) a look of concern flitted across the nurse's face and she asked me a question that in other circumstances would have me laughing at the surrealness of it all: "How long has it smelled like this?" I could only shake my head: not too long at all, really, but not recently. With that answer received, she took the precious liquid away.

Then another torture device was brought in: the ultrasound machine. This was applied to my inner thigh after that odd gel stuff was gooped on, and Madame Torquemada began her work. To explain just how this felt, let me apply a comparison that can be easily understood. 

Imagine you're in a terrible car accident on the highway. Everything is destroyed, the engine is in the back seat, the front passenger seat is ten yards behind the car, the works. You yourself are unharmed, and simply get out the normal way. As you do, you are counting your blessings.

Then you are attacked by a bengal tiger. Just as the massive teeth and claws approach your unprotected body, you are hit by an 18-wheeler at full trot. Then, as your broken body lies on the side of the road, someone runs up and presses an ultrasound scanner to your leg.  

After being allowed some water... an entire Dixie cup, all to myself!... I was left alone for a bit. I think I texted Brickmuppet and Ben both at this point though to be honest that's kinda slipped my mind. A bit after that, three nurses, led by a woman that was obviously a doctor (if nothing else, her name badge and ID with the large word "DOCTOR" under it gave it away... mind like a steel trap, that's me) walked in.  She explained that the Angry Growling Donut and the ultrasound both spotted a blood clot in my right leg. The good news was that was fairly early in the experience and should respond well to the usual brace of blood thinners and other meds.  The bad news was that she could not admit to t.he hospital without a display of the physical situation. Or to put it simply, I had to try and stand up.

I goggled (back in grad school I would have helmeted. More protection while welding) at her. Seriously? Step one then... slide my legs to the edge of the table. My left leg moved fine, but the star of the evening was my right one... and I couldn't move it. My foot worked, but every pain receptor  in my brain lit up with a nearly visible "TILT" light. After a few more attempts, each hurting more than the one before it, she said "That's enough. Would you agree?" That was directed to the nurses. A half hour later, I left the ER, bundled into an elevator and rolled to my new home for a while.  It was 1030pm on the last day of February, 2021.

Next Time: More Zombies!

Also next time: Hospital pt2: Like A Cloud, only with squeezy boots.

Posted by: Wonderduck at 11:58 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
Post contains 1158 words, total size 7 kb.

January 03, 2022

Pond Scum: Many Comments.

Me When I Saw Them: ?????... !


Seriously, I did not expect so many of you to have stuck around for so long.  If I had not cried after typing "More Zombies" last night, I assuredly would be now.

tsundere
It's not like I wanted you guys to stick around or anything... baka Pond Scum-chan.
/tsundere

Part II of the story of my predicament vacation is coming; there's a lot of bad things fun things to cover though, and you guys know me... my writing style is not what you could call brief and succinct, even as a joke.

One thing that may surprise y'all is that I didn't discover a lot of new music. Yootoob on my smurtfon was and is clumsy and rife with ads, I don't have Spotify, and there isn't enough storage in it for more than a couple tunes anyway. There was some though, so of course I'm going to make this post seem longer share it with you folks!

Read on, MacDuff!
more...

Posted by: Wonderduck at 11:55 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 409 words, total size 3 kb.

January 02, 2022

Knock Knock, Neo... er... Wonderduck

(yawn) {stretchhhhh}


Boy, helluva nap, that.  I was supposed to have dinner with the folks at 6pm, wonder what time it is?

Oh. Oh boy. That's gonna be hard to explain. Well, lets give it the old Duck U try, hey?

You members of the Pond Scum that have stuck around have been told a little bit thanks to Brickmuppet and Ben, both of whom deserve praise (or scorn, whichever) for keeping me sane for the past very long time.

Short ha ha ha version: blood clot in the leg, with added problems, like a previously unknown UTI and a kidneystone.  And with some nutritional problems to boot because this all started with some leg pain like I have gotten for years. But it got worse, to the point where getting out of bed and walking to the bathroom was about the limit of what I could manage... so I stopped eating.  For about 10 days, give or take, Then Feb 28th, as I tried to shower, my leg stopped doing leg things,

when I fell, I miraculously missed everything so it was about as good as you could hope for. Except now I was naked on the floor of the bathroom, unable to stand up, or really move at all without the leg exploding, So I called 911 and actually said "I've fallen and can't get up." It only took a few minutes for the EMTs and firemen to show up, and they then proceeded to drag me bodily into the living room, got me on a tarp, and got ready to take me out to the ambulance.

At which point, one of them asked about my collection of Haruhi Suzumiya figures. I was more than happy to chat about the 110 figure collection... I'm just a few obscure figs from having every scale, prize, trading, and posable figure listed on myfigurecollection, and the general consensus is that it's probably the largest collection of its type in the US. So I've got that going for me.

Which is nice.

That was the last fun I would have for about a month.

When they carried me to the ambulance, it was snowing. Also, the streets they took to the hospital need some SERIOUS roadwork, because every bump, pothole, or slight depression in it transmitted itself directly to my leg. i'm pretty sure I didn't scream at all. Much. The ER was waiting for me and thus ended any dignity and hope I've ever had in my life.

NEXT TIME: More Zombies. Oh my god, did that joke feel good. 

ALSO NEXT TIME: Welcome To The Pleasuredome Hospital. 

Posted by: Wonderduck at 04:27 PM | Comments (20) | Add Comment
Post contains 442 words, total size 3 kb.

February 08, 2021

Winter 2021: Don't Tell Me It's Awful!

There's always somebody out there.  "There's nothing to watch," they'd moan and kvetch.  "It was better before this."  Any maybe those people are correct.  But not this anime season, they aren't.  Here's a look at what I think is a remarkable Winter!


It's a winter of their discount tents...


more...

Posted by: Wonderduck at 09:10 PM | Comments (43) | Add Comment
Post contains 1129 words, total size 9 kb.

January 25, 2021

Random Anime Pictures #150: Because I'm Too Tired To Do A Real Post.

-Fate Grand Carnival New Year's Eve Special

Remember Fate Carnival Phantasm from about a decade ago? There's a new OVA series coming based on Fate Grand Order, the game.  This time, I might get all the jokes!

Posted by: Wonderduck at 10:04 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 50 words, total size 1 kb.

January 15, 2021

How I'm Feeling These Days

Kinda like this.


Yep, that about covers it.

(they're Austro-Hungarian sailors in anti-flash/fire protection hoods, sometime during WWI)

Posted by: Wonderduck at 09:59 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 23 words, total size 1 kb.

January 06, 2021

Strongbad Predicted This 17 Years Ago

Dancing Robots! Dancing Robots!
I like does little guyz.

Posted by: Wonderduck at 10:44 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 15 words, total size 1 kb.

January 04, 2021

This Is Formula 1 And Stuff

Okay, it's not exactly news that I'm pretty torqued off at Formula 1 these days.  I didn't even watch a race this season, though I still more-or-less paid attention.  No surprises, Lewis Hamilton and Mercedes dominated (again).  Hamilton got his record-breaking 95th win on the way to his record-tying seventh driver's championship.  Mercedes got their seventh consecutive constructor's championship.  Along the way, Hammy did all his usual whining, complaining, and moaning during the races.


Nothing has changed, in other words.  I'm hardly the first person to notice this of course. Which explains how this video came about.
Perfection.  Sheer, utter perfection.

Edit: Oh, this guy is good.  This guy is very good. Check out his channel, it's full of gems.

Posted by: Wonderduck at 05:08 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 126 words, total size 1 kb.

December 31, 2020

New Year's Eve, 2020

I got nuthin'.  I don't even have the annual fireworks picture, thanks to losing it in the failure of my external storage drive.  So here's an old one instead.


I just saw what I typed last year on this date:

"2019 was not a good year. May 2020 be better for all the Pond Scum. Thank you for sticking with me."

Wow.  Good to see the future listens to me, huh?  Happy New Year, everybody.

Posted by: Wonderduck at 10:37 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 79 words, total size 1 kb.

December 29, 2020

"Your Train Looks Like..."

Over in some other part of the internet, a discussion of the KiHA 281 DMU was occurring.  Used by JR Hokkaido on their Super Hokuto routes, they've been around since 1994.  Someone described them as looking like something the baddies in HalfLife2 would use, and it's hard to disagree. A comment was made saying that they looked like the trains used on the Narita Express.


I knew it was the other way around, the E259 N'EX EMU didn't take to the rails until 2010, but I was wondering if there was any link between them... the same designer, that sort of thing.  Certainly there had to be something, that's hardly a look that immediately pops to mind when you think "train". Much to my chagrin and annoyance, an hour or so of looking turned up nothing at all... except for one fascinating little factoid.  The man who designed the N'EX?  He also designed the Kikkoman's bottle!

I can see it.  I mean, they both tilt and all...

Posted by: Wonderduck at 11:59 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 171 words, total size 1 kb.

December 25, 2020

Christmas 2020

It's cold out there, young ladies. You should really put more clothes on.


I'm sorry, I don't know where that came from either.  Hope everybody had a Merry Christmas, or a pleasant Friday, or whatever you wanted it to be.

Posted by: Wonderduck at 10:30 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 42 words, total size 1 kb.

December 20, 2020

No, No Thanks, That's Okay...

As found in one of those ridiculous Sharper Image-style catalogues:


Was the marketing department totally unaware, or was this intentional?  Could they really not have known?  If you'd be able to own one of these without saying things like "Pass the smegpot" or "could you make a fresh pot of smeg" all the time, you're a better person than me. 

I'm uneasy about the butter on the toast now.  Does that look like... um... butter... to you?

"Merry Christmas!  I got you some Smeg!"

Posted by: Wonderduck at 05:14 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 89 words, total size 1 kb.

December 10, 2020

When You Consider The Future...

Late Night Final released their third track just a couple of hours ago... and it's very much a banger.  I mean, as far as ambient-ish music can ever be described as "a banger."

The four-song EP releases on Friday, December 11th and can be pre-ordered here!

I am pleased by this present from the music gods.

Posted by: Wonderduck at 10:42 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 61 words, total size 1 kb.

December 08, 2020

Chuck Yeager 1923-2020

There are stories.
Then there are tales.
Then there is "No sh*t, there I was, one engine gone, the other on fire..."
Then there are legends.
And then there was Chuck Yeager.
Go fast and Godspeed.

...and, before anybody asks? I made my mind up about that a long time ago: not just no, but heck no.  

Posted by: Wonderduck at 01:55 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 60 words, total size 1 kb.

December 05, 2020

Is The World Ready For This?

I've never played a Pokemon game.  The only console I've ever owned was the Sears version of what later became known as the Atari 2600... nothing since.  I've never bought a pack of Pokemon cards, either.  I've only seen a couple episodes here or there of the animated series on Cartoon Network or somesuch.  All of which is to say, I've got no background to speak of in the games or lore of one of the most successful entertainment franchises in history.  I know a little bit, sure, but... well.


Which made it surprising that I actually watched most of this video:
Special surprise guest appearance by my hands-down favorite pokemon of all time to boot.

Posted by: Wonderduck at 02:50 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 122 words, total size 1 kb.

December 02, 2020

Surprise! Music!

I had very few hopes when I clicked on a link about "science rock."  


I was wrong.  Very wrong.

Now that is a kickarse track, and apparently the "red string" is/was an actual thing created by Japan's National Institute of Agrobiological Sciences where a red silk containing oxytocin was really created.  Wild!

It would be trite to say that this is many dozens of times better than any of the new Star Wars movies.  Not incorrect, but trite.

Many years ago... over a decade... there was a free game called TrackMania Nations Forever that occupied much of my spare time.  I got pretty good at it, too... I mean, not true World Record good, but on some of the tracks I could at least see the top of the leaderboard from where I was.  But even though it no longer works on modern computers without a metric farkton of work... it's XP-based, for heaven's sake... I still remember the music.  Fondly.

Okay.  It's now time for the apparently government-mandated excursion into HoloLive.  Pixy has been on a roll of late covering their antics.  I've watched some streams... I'll be honest.  The HoloLiveEN Vtubers don't do much for me, and I don't know anywhere near enough Japanese to get the original crew's videos.  But the music is... something.
That was my first exposure in any way to HoloLive, and it's cute.  Nice beat.  But some of those voices are eardrum-shredding, dear god.  I have to assume that having Pekora and "Miko Sakura", with their nasal, cutesy, falsetto-y, awful singing back to back was due to heavy bribery from the singer that came next... Towa Tokoyami.  

Who sounds NOTHING like any of the other HoloLive crew.  After hearing her in that whole-crew viddy, I went looking to see if she had anything solo.  Oh yes.  Yes she does.

Sold.  That she can do justice to God Knows..., both live and "in-studio", is just the icing on the cake.

Posted by: Wonderduck at 10:21 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 328 words, total size 3 kb.

November 25, 2020

The Elephant In The Room

Remember this?

I wrote about this sketch years ago, and it is still way up there as one of the funniest things I've ever seen.  Something about Tim Conway's fnorky sound effect, but I always lose it at the monkey.  I mention this because I stumbled upon something fascinating... to me, at least.  An interview with Vicki Lawrence... Mama... about that sketch from her point of view.  
Knowing the backstory makes it all the better to me.

In this time of plague, humor can go a long long way.

Posted by: Wonderduck at 10:06 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 94 words, total size 1 kb.

November 20, 2020

Late Night Final Again

I'm not convinced that J Wilgoose's Late Night Final persona isn't actually one of the guys from Daft Punk or Kraftwerk "slumming", as it were.  Song picks up around the four-minute mark.  Again, ambient isn't my cup of fish, but this isn't so bad at all.

I think I've seen the actual video before, running on an Amiga back in the day.

Posted by: Wonderduck at 10:10 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 66 words, total size 1 kb.

November 12, 2020

Ducks In Anime: Third Time's The Charm

-Love Live! Nijigasaki High School Idol Club, Ep02

I know I mentioned this in passing, but the third anime installment of the Love Live! franchise is currently airing.  It feels like this one is going for something different, though... the "team" aspect of the previous two series seems to be missing somewhat.  Also missing is any of the dramatic tension of the "save our school" storyline from the first two: there's no way Nijigasaki High is going to close, not with the obvious funding it has.  I mean, it doesn't have holographic monitors at each desk... actually, I'm not sure it even has classrooms... but the United Center in Chicago, home of the Bulls, is smaller than the school's Club Wing.

Hell, there are entire towns smaller than the Club Wing.  So when you remove the whole reason behind the first two Love Live! series to occur, what do you do now?  To be completely honest about it, sell merchandise to anime fans.  Best way to sell merchandise to anime fans?  Cute girls. 

Except this time, we have TEN instead of nine.  I probably shouldn't be surprised that my favorite of the bunch, Yu... the one being leaned on... is the one member of the club that doesn't want to perform, choosing instead to be the manager.  All of the girls have a color associated with them; Yu's is black.  I gather she's taken the role of us, the player of the video game.

I'm not going to try and talk you into watching this show.  By now, you know if you're a fan of Love Live!.  If you are, you're probably already watching and you don't need me to tell you about it.  If you aren't, there's nothing different here from the first two and you're not likely to suddenly become a fan.  But it's got a rubber duckie in it, so that's okay with me.

What, you thought I'd leave it with just that arrow in the top picture?

Posted by: Wonderduck at 09:20 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 338 words, total size 3 kb.

November 05, 2020

FGO Players, It's Not Too Late!

You know in your heart it is true.

This concludes one of The Pond's very rare forays into political discussion. 

Posted by: Wonderduck at 05:13 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 26 words, total size 1 kb.

<< Page 1 of 1 >>
110kb generated in CPU 0.13, elapsed 0.2143 seconds.
71 queries taking 0.1118 seconds, 368 records returned.
Powered by Minx 1.1.6c-pink.