1m24s
One minute, twenty-four seconds. Doesn't sound like all that much of a much, does it? And to you, the members of my Pond Scum, it isn't.
For me, though? It's the culmination of 18 miserable, stinking months. Because that's how long I stood up for, completely without help of any sort. 48 seconds, 16 seconds, and 20 seconds, using only a grab bar for balance so I didn't faceplant immediately.
By the end of the third stint, I was a bit winded. Okay, a lot winded. But what would you expect, considering this was the first time since February 28, 2021 that I've stood up totally under my own power.
Posted by: Rick C at August 06, 2022 10:23 PM (BMUHC)
9
Good job! My father also started to get up a couple of weeks ago. I've been on this case for months. Laying in bed is a sure way to never get up again.
Posted by: Pete Zaitcev at August 08, 2022 10:01 AM (LZ7Bg)
A New Life Awaits You In The Off-World Colonies
There's been a bit of fun and excitement over here over the past couple of weeks! The best news is that real physical therapy guided by real physical therapists has restarted. After a week, I very nearly stood up totally unassisted. The only thing that stopped me was that I was alone and my feet were tangled in the leg rests of the wheelchair. If I had stood up, given the positioning I'd have ended up faceplanting almost immediately. The sit-to-stand device has become almost laughable. Today the harness gave me a little boost, but I pulled and stood up so quickly it was hanging loosely. Good positive results.
Neutral news: I have a surgical procedure scheduled for Friday, apparently to either break up one kidney stone, or to remove the Stent that went in 18 months ago to help get that kidney stone to move its way out of me. General anesthesia, so I'm likely to be goofy... goofier than normal after. No idea if there's an overnight needed... last time it took 36 hours before all the sleepy sleepystuff wore off.
Bad news: I am about to lose Pond Central, my home for 21 years. I've been relying on the kindness of other to cover my rent for pretty much all of 2022, and the end of 2021 as well. A Duckford program for people impacted by covid covered a few months, but they wouldn't renew afterwards... since I never actually HAD the Plague, they thought my "couldn't find a job because of it" wasn't good enough anymore. Ph.Duck has begun an evacuation of stuff, but 21 years of stuff... the reference books alone would tax the suspension of a van or smallish pickup. Furniture... my high-quality computer desk that I've had since before Pond Central... bookcases... my memory foam mattress...
PhDuck and RNDuck have rescued the ducks, but my figure collection will be much more difficult. The ones still in boxes will be simple. Of the others, the Great Haruhi Collection comes first. Beyond that? The 1/4 scale bunnies, if they can find the boxes. The small amount of Darjeeling figures from Girls und Panzer, probably. My To Heart 2 figs... fsck.
Gotta put all that out of my head for a whole. I've got a procedure to get through first.
Yay.
Edit: Procedure is postponed due to vague instructions. My copies of the instructions says "blood thinners must be stopped _____ days before the procedure." Everybody else has "...stopped 2 days before..."
I think the facility took that to mean my last dose would be given Wednesday night. The doctor's office actually meant two full days, which would have been Tuesday night. Last night I asked the nurse if I was getting my blood thinners, and she replied "yes," and pointed to a small pink-brown pill which matches one of the generic versions of the med.
This morning I called the doctor's scheduler. This began a six-hour long kerfluffle that finally ended weirdly. I dozed off waiting for the final call from the doc's office... and never heard the music clip that acts as a ringer... so they left a voice mail.
The voice mail indicator is a simple electronic "beep." THAT woke me. Sometimes I wonder. Anyway, the doc was not willing to add to the risk factors, since bleeding WILL occur. There's a difference between "incidental bleeding" and "Oh crap oh hell oh no bleeding". So, no procedure.
There is a good-looking Nephrologist that is going to be passed next time I see her.
I talked to the nurse this evening and told her about the day's activities. She said she never told me that the blood thinner was in the cup, and she didn't give me the pill. So either she's confused or deflecting blame... or I completely misunderstood her response to "am I getting my blood thinners?"
The pill was not in this evening's bucket o' pharmaceuticals by the way.
1
Oh, goodness. I wish you safe landing, and may the flock n figs make the journey safely as well.
Posted by: GreyDuck at August 04, 2022 08:11 AM (rKFiU)
2
Here's hoping that everything goes well!
My last move involved seven boxes of figures, only some of which I had a box for. For the rest, a quick layer of bubble wrap, filling the box with foam peanuts, and driving them down myself rather than leaving them to the movers did the trick - no damage to anyone. They don't have to be THAT carefully protected so long as the box isn't shaken and the orientation stays top-side-up the whole time. Does sound like you're going to need help from someone understanding to get them packed and unpacked, though.
Posted by: Avatar_exADV at August 04, 2022 12:17 PM (6/aLK)
3
Ph.Duck has a large roll of bubblewrap and a big box of ziploc baggies for the Haruhimini figs. And I have faith that things will go okay. Because what else can I do?
Posted by: Wonderduck at August 04, 2022 08:54 PM (DB9Lx)
4
All this time I was concerned about your place and your stuff, being essentially away from it for so long. It's sad it came to this.
Posted by: Mauser at August 06, 2022 01:03 AM (BzEjn)
Arknights: When The Music Is Better Than The Game
As I mentioned last time we got together here, I began playing the tower defense game Arknights a few weeks ago. It's really quite decent with so many possible team combinations that it makes your head spin. I recently stopped doing "build-a-team" for every mission, after stumbling on a team that can handle itself against anything but overwhelming aerial attacks.
But that's not why I'm here at the moment. Just in the last couple of days I've been paying attention to the OST involved and I'm glad I did. I'm VERY impressed. From the very first song you hear when you start the game, which most players may never listen to more than a few seconds of, to battle music, general day-by-day tracks, and events, the songs in this are outstanding.
That's the opening song I mentioned before. It took me nearly two weeks before I found out there were guitar breaks involved... I just kept hitting "play" when the game said it was ready.
That is the second track you hear in the game, on the "control room" screen (EDIT: if you have the night-time background selected). Fortunately it is very chill, because you're going to hear it a lot. It's comfortable enough that you don't care and it just becomes part of the experience.
Music from the in-game shop. It wouldn't be too out of place on a modern jazz album.
Finally, one of a gazillion battle themes. I actually can't say when it plays; I'm usually too busy commanding my Operators to truly listen. As I recognized it immediately, it's pretty clear some part of the turnip I use in place of a brain was listening.
I can go on and on about the various facets of the game... basebuilding is taking up more of my time than actual story mode, for example. Or the astonishing artwork of the Operators, including their combat chibis. Seriously, I didn't think FGO's art could be beaten, but on the whole I'd rather look at Arknights characters. I don't know enough of the story yet to say anything about it, save that it could probably be used as a X-Men plot line.
I don't really know what I'm doing quite yet, but I'm having fun not doing it.
Guess I know what I'm going hunting for later this morning.
Posted by: GreyDuck at July 17, 2022 08:38 AM (rKFiU)
2
Hello, my name is Chris! For the past couple of weeks, I've been trying to find out if Chuck E. Yeager knew about Shirley from Strike witches. After god knows how long of searching I eventually came upon your 2008 post about someone informing him on my space. This was the first shred of evidence I had found so far. It seems however that his my space account no longer exists. I was wondering if you saw his response or not if he even responded at all.
Posted by: chris at August 02, 2022 12:40 AM (Ar78U)
3
Chris, I certainly never saw a response... and believe me, I was watching for one. I'd like to think that he was mildly amused by the information, though perhaps a bit baffled. Whatever his reaction, I'm sure he never gave it another thought.
The thought of Chuck Yeager actually watching an episode of Strike Witches triggers so many alarms and klaxons in my brain that a brain scan would look like nighttime over Chicago...
Posted by: Wonderduck at August 03, 2022 03:58 PM (DB9Lx)
4
Thanks for your help! I truly wanna find out cause I think it would be hilarious if he were just totally cool with it. it 100% sounds like something he'd be cool with.
Posted by: chris at August 08, 2022 12:19 AM (2q41b)
5
I'd also like to say thanks for continuing to post on this blog for so long. I was honestly surprised to see you were still active here. You've certainly gained a new fan today.
Posted by: chris at August 08, 2022 12:35 AM (2q41b)
No Longer Hagridden
After 11 days, the Powers That Be decided that I was COVID-19 free and could rejoin the general populace. I still feel not so great, but I guess that'll be a thing for a while. Food tastes . different, like vaguely metallic maybe. It's not like the kitchen here needs any help in the "making food poorly" category.
Well, at least I have a new roommate. My last one, who I loathed, went into Plagueville a week after me roughly, so I've been placed in a room with an elderly man who can't really speak, or honestly much of anything. Quite often the only sound from this room is the beeping alarm on the IV pump I'm hooked up to three times a day, screaming there's an issue of some sort... usually that it's empty.
Like now, as I'm writing this at 8am. It's been beeping for an hour as it waits for the Nurse to come turn it off and disconnect me. Staffing levels are pretty awful on weekends.
In other, non-medical news, I started playing Arknights a couple of days ago. An MMORPG Tower Defense game doesn't seem like it'd work, but so far so hoopy. It's nothing like FGO, I'll tell you what. But the art is good and I have an anthropomorphic badger carrying a riot shield on my team... what's not to like?
1
I wish I could get into tower defense games, it seems like there are some interesting things happening in that space right now mobile-wise. Hooray for general improvements here & there, nonetheless!
Posted by: GreyDuck at July 03, 2022 10:39 AM (rKFiU)
2
Since you appear to be into MMORPGs, and you could probably use some more entertainment outlets, I'd like to recommend <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Twilight-Templar-LitRPG-Eternal-Journey-ebook/dp/B089R34ZK7">Twilight Templar</a> by CJ Carella. Five books in the series so far, and I've enjoyed them (though the author could've used a better copy-editor, and the stat-dumps get a bit repetitive).
Basic premise: 60,000 gamers are abducted to a world that operates identically to the game (Eternal Journey Online) that they were all just playing. The story follows one player (Hawke Lightseeker, nee: Ben Velasco) as he levels up from newbie Paladin to...well, something more.
Lots of fun.
Posted by: jabrwok at July 11, 2022 08:22 AM (iyhH7)
3
Wait, so English-language authors are getting into the isekai craze now?
May the goddesses have mercy on us all.
Posted by: GreyDuck at July 14, 2022 03:08 PM (rKFiU)
4
Isekai books were pretty common in the US, in the Seventies and early Eighties. Quag Keep by Andre Norton, which was the first D & D tie-in novel, and Joel Rosenberg. Some others. Probably would have been more if publishers would have taken them. And the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon.
Posted by: Suburbanbanshee at July 15, 2022 07:12 AM (sF8WE)
5
I'd argue that A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court could be considered an isekai.
Posted by: Kathryn at July 16, 2022 06:18 AM (8548M)
6
Isekai is typically called LitRPG here in the US.
Posted by: StargazerA5 at July 17, 2022 07:03 AM (3TbQP)
7
Yes, portal fantasy is a long-running tradition/trope, sorry I should've been more specific: The very very currently-popular (for certain values of "popular") isekai trope of "gamer(s) transported into the world of their favorite game" is what I was forehead-slapping about.
Posted by: GreyDuck at July 17, 2022 08:43 AM (rKFiU)
8
Oh, I see. I hadn't even heard about that sub-type. The isekai I am considering learning Japanese for is Ascendance of a Bookworm, which doesn't involve a gamer in a game world.
Posted by: Kathryn at July 21, 2022 07:08 PM (8548M)
Too Ranty To NOT Use...
So I got an email from the official First Friend of the Pond Vaucaunson's Duck (est 197
today that ended with "Hang In There."
The following is much of the response I sent.
----------
Hanging is sounding more and more like the right choice! Though all things considered, my luck has been so bad recently that the hangin' folks ("Nooses R Us"?) would probably use a bungee cord instead of a rope:
"May Heaven grant you forgiveness, for you'll get none from us. Hangman, if you would?"
-----Boi-i-i-i-nnnnnnggggg-----
"Haw haw haw!!! You shoulda seen the look on your face! Actually, us too, what with the black hood and all. But I'll betcha it was funny!"
Huh... literal Gallows humor. Wasn't my plan, but what the hell, it's keeping my mind off the travesty they just served for lunch. Pot pies are called pot pies because they look like friggin' PIES, not because they look like someone made them while high on pot. Seriously, a dry, ice cream scoop sized, ball of some vegetables, and something that looks like... chicken? Tuna? The result of feeding a nice 2x4 into a wood chipper?...that's used as both the pastry part and the filling part.
Mmmmm... I love the smell of wood filler in the morning. But not, it must be said, when it's lunch. I'm starting to understand the people who say "I'd kill for a good slice of pizza" AND MEAN IT. I've actually had dreams about swimming-pool sized deep dish pizza. Or simple mac and cheese that that tastes like it was at least in the vicinity of actual CHEESE at one point in its creation.
THINGS WONDERDUCK HAS SAID WHILE EATING THE MAC AND CHEESE HERE:
"Why did they use lasagna pasta?"
"Why does it have brown gravy?"
"Why is the cheese sauce spicier than the enchiladas we had yesterday?"
"What sins have I committed to deserve this punishment?"
"...where's the macaroni? What do you mean 'they substituted toast'???"
At least they haven't figured a way to ruin jello yet. I like the orange-colored better than the red-colored, and they're both better than every other color. Though I remember a black cherry jello that was really tasty growing up.
----------
I didn't get any sleep last night, courtesy of two soggy and not very warm at all grilled turkey and cheese "sandwiches" and their effect on both my stomach and my gag reflex. My tum-tum didn't stop doing the Hustle until 430am, at which point a nurse came in and turned on the 1000000lumen overhead lights to get my "roomies" BP. It took 19 minutes, as his brain is even farther off the reservation than I was led to believe.
If I get no sleep tonight, you're probably getting a 4000 word essay on the evolution of the toothpaste tube's cap, such is the effect all of this crap is doing to my already stupid stream of consciousness.
1
I want to believe (said Mulder) that they didn't actually substitute toast but... oof.
May you be capable of ingesting (and acquiring) proper nourishment, soon!
Posted by: GreyDuck at June 22, 2022 08:12 AM (rKFiU)
2
GD my old and trusted, pizza night here was last Saturday. Even though it's a pale mockery of what should be accepted as "pizza", I like it well enough and look forward to the two slices I get (normal is one, but I know a guy...).
Before the trays of us room eaters were brought, the kitchen RAN OUT OF PIZZA.
So instead, we got a grilled cheese sandwich.
I WISH toast-for-pasta was a joke. I really do.
Posted by: Wonderduck at June 22, 2022 10:24 AM (DB9Lx)
3
You're long past, I'm sure, the point of glaring skyward and muttering "Okay, we've all had our fun, we can all stop piling on now, yeah?"
Posted by: GreyDuck at June 22, 2022 02:21 PM (rKFiU)
Because Of Course It Did
1043pm Sunday night, after having requested it, I had a test come back as positive for COVID-19.
I willingly hermited myself for two+ years, and went through two different outbreaks in my various locations, nothing. I was tested on Friday, clean. A few wet coughs later, tah-dah, I've got the thing I've tried so hard to avoid.
If this wasn't a family-friendly blog, this is where there would be a long, invective-filled diatribe. But it is. So there won't be one.
But oh, the need to curse the universe is very strong right this moment...
Edit: Roommate came back clear, which is good. I may not like him, but I have no interest in having his health on my conscience.
They moved me to the Plague Hall inside of an hour. My new roommate has the same first name as the other one. According to the nurse? CNA? in the hall, he's apparently not really present, if you know what I'm sayin'??
WiFi is spotty or just *bad* here in my little corner of the leprosarium. It was excellent at the other end of the building. Swear to whomever if I can't get good broadband...
Edit, Next Morning: Food is served on paper plates or in Styrofoam cups, with sporks. Better and better. Probably will just burn our gowns and bedding instead of washing them...
1
I remember, dimly, a year ago when people were getting vaccinated and it looked like we might start to see light at the end of the tunnel.
Then the anti-vax anti-mask folks really got going and... here we are, wave after wave later, and I'm still highly anxious about ever leaving my apartment, double-booster and N95 regardless. At any rate: The hits just keep coming, don't they? I hope it runs its course and leaves you alone afterward! You've had enough!
Posted by: GreyDuck at June 20, 2022 08:08 AM (rKFiU)
2
Would you believe I got the second booster last week?
Fat lot of good it did.
Posted by: Wonderduck at June 20, 2022 08:30 AM (DB9Lx)
b) don't treat a true positive as a death sentence
c) GreyDuck, what did you expect? Colds are coronaviruses, and rhinoviruses; there was always going to be too many new strains from mutation and the distinct animal reservoirs for a single vaccine targeting an old strain to be worth spit. The ordinary cold corona viruses and the ordinary flu viruses did not
magically disappear from every population when the new strain of corona
showed up. The only way that anything would 'improve' is if i) there are tests good enough to distinguish bioweapons or whatever from ordinary colds ii) journalists and health bureaucrats are honest and scientifically competent enough to distinguish ordinary cold corona virus events from the special corona virus events.
d) There is suggestive rumor that the strain that the vaccine's signature was for went through the US the fall before the lockdown. Certainly, there is little reason to suspect that the lockdown did much to prevent that strain from having spread through the US population by now. Food logistics is too much 'just in time' to allow for very many people to have had true isolation.
e) Continuing to respond to Grey Duck, if you revise your mechanics, and your highschool level biology, from texts of more than ten years of age, you can work out something that you have overlooked. Masking is at best a trade off, between bacteria and virii.
The masks are not chemically active, or electrically active, so that means that the mechanism of separation is mechanical. Which means 1) trap bacteria moving out 2) maybe trap virii moving in 3) the 'cost' of the separation is the pressure difference across the mask.
Viral protection /cannot/ be present without good filter media, edges that can seal, straps putting enough tension to overcome the pressure difference, and some attention to fit; in no way was this made clear to the public who were responsible for implementing the masking.
With a proper mask, you do have a pressure difference, and your lungs have to work harder, which is a cost to your health.
The public cost of the masking protocol partly comes from the university undergraduates; they are young enough not to have the life skills for good bacterial hygiene and do not have their parents there to enforce good hygiene for them. And, it does not matter if they keep separate while on campus, having them in town is a risk. So, all of the medical schools who did not have the main university abandon enrollment for humanities majors? This is a combination of profiteering and a disregard for the public by the medical faculty. If the viral risk is enough to shut down businesses outside of the university, then the bacterial risks are enough to shut down businesses inside of the university. Because respiratory bacterial infections promote respiratory viral infections. So far we seem to have been very fortunate that haphazard masking policy has not bred up some sort of bacterial superbug.
Posted by: PatBuck at June 20, 2022 09:09 AM (r9O5h)
You 'boosted', then tested a week after, and nobody suggested that this might raise the false positive rate of the test?
If they missed this, whatever friend or family member who is serving as your outside advice and support on medical suggestions may be missing some other things.
I don't suppose you can easily scare up some more eyes to look at your specific medical details?
Posted by: PatBuck at June 20, 2022 09:33 AM (r9O5h)
5
Given how Elon Musk publicly got tested four times in one week and had two positive and two negative results, I'd've insisted on another test a day or so later, just in case of a false positive. What with being in a rehab hospital (IIRC?) and all, isolating in between doesn't seem imprudent.
Posted by: Rick C at June 20, 2022 02:45 PM (kbV78)
6
Nursing home. Yes, it's possible there's a false positive. The cough, stuffy nose and sore throat tends to make that point moot.
I'm literally the youngest resident here. They're not going to let me out in the general population when I've already had a positive AND symptoms.
Safer to lock me away at the end of the Plague Ward and hope I don't die.
Posted by: Wonderduck at June 20, 2022 06:19 PM (DB9Lx)
7
Fair enough. I mean, it could be a cold or something, but they won't want to let that spread either.
Anyway, I hope you're on a generally improving trend.
Posted by: Rick C at June 20, 2022 11:06 PM (BMUHC)
8
@PatBuck:
The masks work to protect others by preventing small, wet particles from flying around the room as much when we talk and breathe. They are not meant to protect the wearer.
The "cost" of the pressure difference is nonsense, completely negligible. Go on YT and you can easily find a video of some frustrated nurse donning layers of masks, and then showing a 98% blood oxygen level. There is no health impact to the wearer whatsoever.
Posted by: John Peters at June 21, 2022 02:15 PM (do9LM)
9
Can confirm. I had a full-blown PICC line inserted last night and I wound up with two basic masks under a fresh N95 that looked very much like those I'd worn hundreds of times before in the various scene shops.
O² sats stayed right at my normal 96, which it's been for as long as anybody's been interested in my sat numbers, yknow?
And that included a bit of panic when the installer explained it was going all the way into my heart (one of the Vena Cavas, I forget which one he said). The other two I've had were both "Mid lines" and didn't get anywhere near the whole heart thing.
Posted by: Wonderduck at June 21, 2022 03:09 PM (DB9Lx)
More Hoses
I woke up Thursday morning, grabbed my bucket, and take a whizz.
Except I didn't. The urge was there, but nothing I did worked except just gritting my teeth and straining until I saw stars. This has happened once before and it cleared up after a couple of hours.
Nope. By three in the afternoon I was very unpleasant from pain, except to Carrie, the Nephrologist. She called ahead to the hospital, let 'em know what was coming in.
Once transportation arrived things took place in a hurry. In an ER room that's also regional trauma center?? I laid there until they got around to me... and it took three professional nurses 11 sticks to take 4 bottles of the red cstuff and get an IV going.
Around 1030pm, they took me into a room and said "We're going to insert a Foley cath now." Then when they saw my face, they said there will be good drugs. The first was a sedative that took me into a numb haze. The second was a gel they liberally gooped into lil' ducky.
And then they began sticking hoses and tunes into something that's a definite out.
It took them five tries, using progressively smaller hoses, until they installed a Pediatrics sized hose.
Almost immediately 750ml of brown sludge flowed into the bag. Yeah my superbug infection appears to be back. Didn't get home until 2am, but didn't sleep... my mind wad wearing a groove into my brain with "20, 18, 16, 14, 12." Those being the sizes they tried.
I slept all day while my body flushed the anesthetic out of me... always takes longer for me. Even this post has taken two hours to type... prufredin it going to take forever.
EDIT: It fell out around 4am Saturday. I have no friggin idea what now, because I can't get the nurses here to talk to me. My mood is not high.
Hospital pt6, The Other One With All The Hoses.
The Time: a couple of days after my lil' wonderduck had been dehosed. Late evening.
The Place: a remarkably comfortable hospital bed, watching Guess Who's Coming To Dinner? starring Sidney Poitier, Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn.
The Moment: I was reminiscing about an acting student at Duck U when I was getting my tech theater BFA. I'll call her "Kate" because she looked remarkably like Hepburn at a similar age, and for once because that actually was her name. I actually met her before I was a student at Duck U, during an orientation day/night, when us prospective theater folks (all three of us!) got to watch the current show. Us three n00bs unofficially teamed up against the ravening hordes of real students. I was struck by three things about Kate: first, her remarkable resemblance to K Hepburn. Second, her nose stud, the first I had ever seen, which I found to be quite fetching. And third, she actually seemed to like me. But that's a different story for a different day. Anyway, watching hi g the film and reminiscing when The Event occurred
The Event: I barfed.
Now you may say "But Wonderduck, you hadn't been eating much, how did you.. ," which is a fair question, and one I had no good answer for at the time. I didn't even feel poorly, it was a very strange occurrence, and one that happened so quickly I had no prep time. One moment I was fine, the next I had a brown-green slurry about the consistency of a melting vanilla shake from WcRonald's down the front of my gown, the blanket,and a pillow. Quite a bit of it too, if I may be so bold.
Surprised, I hit the call button, explained what had happened to the nurse on intercom duty, and a few minutes later I had been tidied up all my bedding changed, and the poofy air mattress wiped down with something that smelled of equal parts bleach and Satan's left armpit. While I was rolling around on the bed and biting back tears from the pain in my leg, I explained that no, it just happened, ykonw what I mean, and that I felt okay. Just in case though, she handed me one green barf bag, a rubberized plasticy thing that looked like a bondage getup for a cucumber.
1
... I can't even say "that had to be the worst thing" because of everything ELSE going on, but for me, vomiting is The Actual Worst. I hate it. Hate.
I hope the gods and medical science have mercy on you at some point!
Posted by: GreyDuck at June 04, 2022 08:25 AM (rKFiU)
2
The more of your adventures I read, the more I worry. But then I remind myself that you survived all of this or we'd not be reading any of it, so that's good.
Sorry you had to go through all of it, and I hope the worst is behind you.
Posted by: jabrwok at June 04, 2022 06:33 PM (T4WaI)
3
Egad, this just gets more awful the more I read it.
I'm so glad you're here.
Posted by: Ed Hering at June 05, 2022 11:26 AM (/cXdK)
4
Never tell the DM that you want a chance to grow as a person and deal with adversity.
Posted by: Suburbanbanshee at June 15, 2022 02:27 PM (sF8WE)
A Dog's Age, A Duck's Life
Well, it has been a while, hasn't it? There are reasons for that. Firstly, I've been a bit under the weather... maybe a week and a bit ago my stomach rebelled against the proletarian concept of food, one Stalinistic Purge after another.
Then there's the infection. I think I've mentioned it's antibiotic resistant. Turns out it's not resistant to all of them. Unfortunately the ones that still work are IV-based. So the decision was made to throw another PICC line (nurse: "It's a mid-line.") into my arm. At least this caused no issues, but I'm hooked to the tree for about two hours per day.
Despite my taking a prebiotic, the antibiotic ... I'll just call it "Jeff" from now on... has done a number on all the good bacteria. I mean, Jeff has done a better job on that than the real target.
Anyway, there's less blood usually so that's a positive. I'm seeing a specialist tomorrow with a non-trivial chance that a catheter is stalking me. I used to hate dentists, but at least they don't try to work via your bellybutton.
There's been a lot of not sleeping going on too. My roomie, who I'll also call Jeff, is 65 looking like 80, and goes to bed right after dinner. Lights out and silence, and he tries to get me to do the same. Jeff doesn't care if I sleep, he just wants dark and quiet. To which I have of course said no.
Jeff also thinks the light of my phone screen is too bright, and the sound of a bag of chips being opened too loud. As is my bed as I adjust it to a good sleeping position six hours early. To express this dislike, he unleashes the Litany of Profanity and the Panoply of Sounds.
The Litany is uninteresting; only five words that get strung together in combinations. The Panoply is different. From hums to express displeasure, to a Lecter-style intake of breath, to a raspberry, these sounds definitely indicates bad moods. The big one however is a heavy breathing thing... like he's trying to growl, maybe. Last night he added a new one... whacking his table hard with something.
Of course that one dragged me out of a rare bit of sleep. I mean I'm a night owl... 3am is no stranger to me... but I've been trying to be polite and nice, which results in me waking up at 2am and not being able to sleep again. At least last night I expressed my displeasure with "what the hell is your problem?" His muttered "no problem" seems like he didn't expect me to respond.
I've resorted to official complaints, and two nurses have gotten involved too. Apparently I'm not his first roomie, just the most recent.
In good news, visitors have been a thing! First it was the folks, then Vaucaunson's Duck all the way from California, and The Librarian is coming next week. All of which has been a welcome change from being the youngest inmate and having nurses and CNAs only to talk to... and they all yell. I assume it's because of deafness of the other folks. I've taken to speaking quietly while they yell, hoping to reduce their volume subconsciously. Mixed results.
The 6th Hospital entry is coming... this one is probably the worst to talk about because there's very little funny involved and I need there to be some.
Lunch is being passed out... allegedly chicken parm and pasta. We'll find out.
1
You didn't ask for advice, so I'll keep my fat mouth (mostly) shut, but I am compelled to mention just one thing: if you are not already familiar with fecal transplants, you may want to look into that.
Anyway, sorry you are having such a rough time. I hope the specialist will be helpful!
Also, you haven't answered the most important question: Does the hospital TV show F1 races?? I'm sure Jeff, for one, would appreciate a nice early qualifying session.
Posted by: Kathryn at May 12, 2022 07:40 AM (8548M)
2
Not only engaged in protracted battle with your own body but you've got a passive-aggressive obnoxious roomie as well? That's double-plus ungood and then some. I hope at least one of those situations gets resolved and soonest.
Posted by: GreyDuck at May 12, 2022 08:20 AM (rKFiU)
3
I'm adding 'Litany of Profanity' to my most useful phases.
Posted by: astro at May 12, 2022 07:58 PM (9U4tg)
4
*phrases, dammit. I assure you I'm not going through a profanity phase.
Posted by: astro at May 12, 2022 08:06 PM (9U4tg)
5
Kathryn, sadly ESPN is not a thing here. I did, however, watch the US Grand Prix in Miami last weekend, the first race I've seen in a long time.
Good lord but the cars look different. The actual racing seems to have improved, and Mercedes appears to have peed the new tech regs down the legs of their collective firesuits so that was fun.
Posted by: Wonderduck at May 13, 2022 09:18 AM (DB9Lx)
6
Yeah, the new aero is wild. No one knows what's really the fastest yet. But the Mercedes zero sidepod concept doesn't appear to be it.
It's been good racing between LEC and VER so far this season. It remains to be seen how respectful and clean the racing will be another ten or twelve races down the line...
Would you like a subscription to F1 TV for your birthday?
Posted by: Kathryn at May 13, 2022 06:21 PM (8548M)
7
Earbuds and an audiobook narrated in calm tones, or earbuds and music. Does great things for blocking out annoying noises.
Posted by: Suburbanbanshee at May 13, 2022 08:58 PM (sF8WE)
8
I checked with F1 TV's help line, and they don't have a gift subscription option, but I can set up a new account with a throwaway email and then give you the credentials for that email and the account. Drop me a line to the email I use to comment here if you'd like to do that. You can also go back and watch some of the races you missed last year too (I think...have not tried it myself, but they claim you can watch old races). Some of them were pretty good.
Posted by: Kathryn at May 22, 2022 06:47 AM (8548M)
9
You're much too kind, but it isn't really necessary. I watched the race as much for form's sake... I refuse to not watch a US race, not when every viewer counts... as actual interest in the race.
I'm not sure what to think about the Miami circuit. It's a shame they couldn't swing running the race in the GTA Vice City part of Miami...
Posted by: Wonderduck at May 22, 2022 07:07 AM (DB9Lx)
10
All righty, well, the offer remains open if you change your mind :-)
Miami was OK, I guess. The proposed Vegas circuit looks terrible. I think as an event, a Grand Prix weekend in Vegas will be fantastic, but as a race, it does not look interesting. Also, it will be on at like 10pm local. I'll be in bed. (granted, I say the same thing about Melbourne, Japan, etc.)
Posted by: Kathryn at May 23, 2022 01:55 PM (8548M)
Birthday Gifts
No donut, alas. Just a store-bought chocolate chip cookie... sugar-free. I ate it anyway.
Ph.Duck and The Nurse (ret.) stopped in for about an hour or so. First time I've seen either of them in the flesh since the hospital. They brought with them two bottles of Sprite, which was heavenly. It's been water and juices all year... and some kool-aid, which in the right circumstance can be awfully tasty.
Do you remember an entertaining trifle called Go! Go! Nippon? I really enjoyed the thing, and ridiculously enough, liked the geographic bits as much as I did the two heroines, Makoto and Akira. Like most of us dedicated fans... and you have to be considering the amount of weebhate thrown at it, the hope was for a new DLC or, miracle of miracles, a new GGN game. Time passed, and the 2015 date of the last update receded in the mirror. It seemed unlikely that we'd ever see the girls again.
On April 22nd, that all changed. That is when I discovered that they two of them are VTubers now, and have been for eight months.... and if they got 10000 subs, a new GGN! game would go into production!
On my birthday they reached that 10K goal. There's going to be a new version of GGN! Okay, look, I know it's not much, but that was a nice birthday gift to get.
And in the best gift of all, Big Papa Pixy has found the four missing years and wrangled them back into place on the sidebar. They probably fell under a server rack somewhere and he found it as he prepares to decade to a new residence. Thank you, Pixelmator! You're the ginchiest!
All right, you apes! You wanna blog forever? Get back to work... um... blogging.
1
Resurrected archives, though! Hot dang!
(More GGN? So, "Even More Geographical Tidbits: The Sequel" or branching out to new locations?)
Posted by: GreyDuck at April 24, 2022 11:07 AM (rKFiU)
2
Happy birthday, Wonderduck! I see you've already found your present.
Posted by: Pixy Misa at April 24, 2022 05:46 PM (PiXy!)
3
It's just what I've always wanted, Pixy!
GD, we dunno yet. My guess is more locations, more romance, maybe even a new character. I'm giddy with anticipation.
Posted by: Wonderduck at April 25, 2022 08:24 PM (DB9Lx)
4
Happy belated birthday! It's good to hear from you again.
Posted by: Kathryn at April 26, 2022 02:28 PM (/ryTz)
5
Out of the loop so long, just wanted to check in. I was afraid you were going to pull an SDB on me. Hang in there buddy, it is a great comfort to see you still posting! I miss those old days.
Posted by: astro at April 29, 2022 01:59 AM (9U4tg)
6
ASTRO you old miscreant. How are you?
KATHRYN, thank you kindly. Pixy's system plays poorly on smartphones... even writing this comment is a trial. I read do need to get the next installment of My Hospital Life out. It's far and away the worst one though... even thinking about it makes me shake my head in sadness.
Posted by: Wonderduck at May 05, 2022 06:25 PM (DB9Lx)
7
Wonderduck, I'm still hanging in there, same as always, just not blogging anymore. I'm a miscreant now though it seems, so I guess I need to adjust. I'm going to have to go look that word up to see if we're still friends...
1
You aten't dead. (To paraphrase Granny Weatherwax.)
Happy birthday, no matter where you are, and may you have many happier returns of the day.
Posted by: Suburbanbanshee at April 23, 2022 06:08 AM (sF8WE)
2
That's a grim damned milestone indeed. I hope there are happier days ahead!
Posted by: GreyDuck at April 23, 2022 08:23 AM (rKFiU)
3
One of the lost treasures of my childhood was a lump of opaque black glass with turquoise-blue inclusions. It was a piece of concrete that had melted during the test of a rocket engine.
I hope at this time next year your surroundings will be much more congenial.
Hospital pt5: The One With All The Hoses.
The next day was relatively boring, all things considered... except I was told that lunchtime was going to be the last time I could eat or drink for 24 hours. "Okay," I said, "why?" Tomorrow afternoon the doc you met the previous day is going to do cruel and unusual punishments to your forward naughty bits.
Suddenly all thoughts of what was happening on Law And Order Traffic Division" was totally gone from my brain, replaced by a panicked whining and scurrying rodent. What had been boring had changed to something bigger and more. AREN'T I LUCKY? Surprisingly, sleep came easily that night. Inflatable beds: ask for them by name!
The next morning was a thirsty one. No water for 20 hours can do that to a duck, but it's only uncomfortable. I could manage that easily... hey, where'd all these red flags come from? Once the time came, the medicos slid me easily onto the gurney, thanks to a really slippery sheet that had been placed previously. Clever. The gurney ride to the Operating Room was exciting... new pattern ceiling tiles!... but strangely nobody else seemed to share my energy for the topic. indeed, I suspect the OR Nurse was looking forward to handing me off to the anesthetic specialist, just to shut me up. What can I say, I get chatty when I get nervous.
In the pit lane... yes, the doctor actually called the waiting area for the OR the "pit lane", because of the individual stalls for patient gurneys... they had me sign a consent form. It was a little late for that, to be frank. Then came the moment of truth: the sleepymask was placed over my nose and mouth and I was told to count backwards from 100. I was later informed that I made it all the way to 98 before the lights went out.
And they say that redheads need more knockout juice to work.
I woke up in the same pit stall some unknown amount of time later. Well, "woke up" may be a little overstating things. I was awake, but as has become normal for me and the goodnight juice, I was really quite out of it. In fact, it took a good 36 hours for my right eye to be willing to stay open, a sure sign that I'm sleepy. I checked something... yup, firehose stuck into my lil' ducky. I was then encouraged to give it a try.
Red. 100% firetruck red. If there was urine involved, it had been mugged and left for dead somewhere. Khorne would have been well pleased, for he cares not from where the blood flows, only that it does. Or he would have gone "Dude, ew, no." One of the two. I was actually glad to be groggy still, it probably kept me from freaking out.
Ah the innocence on display, where red was something to worry about.
This went on for a few surreal days until I got a visit from the hospital nutritionist. I explained my reluctance to eat much, he talked about what not to eat when you're on bloodthinners ("Kale. It's literally the worst thing possible. I've never actually MET someone who ate kale, but it's bad."), and what his plans were for the weekend: a race weekend for the FIA World Endurance Championship. Big hospital, small world. We talked a bit about that as you might imagine.
Finally came the day that the catheter was removed. "It won't hurt, just some tugging." They were right, but didn't mention how weird it would feel. "So how was that?" Not bad, just... oh wait... crap! I thought I was about to wet the bed.
Instead, an inch-long thing came out. It was sort of pink and didn't seem to be moving. All I could say was "What the hell is that???" I'm sure my voice was strong and steady, firm without the slightest bit of hysterical gibberish.
The response did nothing to shake me from my strong mental position: "It's a blood clot, just stuff in the tube. Nothing to worry about!" I gave them both a fisheyed stare for a bit and said "Did you ever see the original *Alien* film? Remember the chestburster bit? After it popped out and hissed at everybody, it scrambled across the floor and into the walls. That's how that felt. Without the pain and visible internal organs, though. I think."
The doc eventually came back in, told me everything went without a hitch. I was still in the anesthetic haze, so I may have spoken clearly. I also may have drooled all over myself. Not sure which.
Right. That hurdle passed, hooray!
And then what? Something very strange occurred, and it was nearly as bad as getting a blood clot in my leg.
Next Episode, more zombies!
Also next time, Hospital pt6, The Other One With All The Hoses.
A Word of Advice
If a nurse is holding something medical with intent to apply it to you and she says it isn't going to hurt, do not believe her.
It's going to hurt.
A lot.
Even without needles.
--------------
I've been going through some health issues recently, caused by my infection. Turns out it's a superbug that simply laughs at most antibiotics. Most... but not all. There are a few that will kick it in the teeth, but they're all IVs. After a week long fiascorevRxing the placing of a PICC line that involved three attempts, two failures, a lot of bleeding, and a company losing the facility's business, they finally got one in me.
My arms look like I let a boxer practice on me for a while though.
1
"a company losing the facility's business"
Oh dear. Uh, congrats on being a catalyst for change?
Hope the PICC crushes the infection.
Posted by: Rick C at March 29, 2022 01:35 PM (oPg+d)
2
Wait till a doctor ask you what is your pain tolerance is,that is terrifying. Had the old school Hiatal Hernia surgery,more or less cut you in half. Hurt so much my mind still blocks it out. It is an Endoscopic procedure now,lucky kids.
Posted by: Bouff at March 29, 2022 05:43 PM (5VO/0)
3
By the way,they came through the side between the short ribs not the front/belly.
Posted by: Bouff at March 29, 2022 06:16 PM (5VO/0)
4
Holy wow, you never want to be the camel's back that breaks the camel's back, because to get a vendor change usually involved either back-room shenanigans or something going SUPER pear-shaped. Ugh, sorry man.
Posted by: GreyDuck at March 30, 2022 08:10 AM (rKFiU)
Fast On The Phone
I can only hope this looks okay when I post it, as this is quickly being dashed off on my phone. As mentioned before, I've made it to Duckford.
Quite honestly, this place looks a bit shabby when compared to its sister in Elgin... the remodel is pending.
The physical rehab room is frankly small. You could fit two or three in Elgin's place and they'd still rattle around. But it's got the equipment I need, the therapists who seem to want to help, and a nice view of Mulford to remind me that I'm finally back in the right city.
On the negative side the portions during meals are smaller here. This may be a blessing as the kitchen staff seems to be populated by high school lunch ladies.
My roommate is the worst I've had since the 2nd one. He has breathing g problems and "shooting pain in (his) legs. His breathing sounds like he's growling. The worst are his explosive yells two or three times a night. Just out of nowhere, suddenly I've got frigging Beetlejuice yelling at the top of his lungs. GREAT way to be woken up, lemme tell ya.
On the other hand, I've managed to stand up. Need assistance, and I was leaning hard on the parallel bars, but I was vertical again. A few times, actually. And we may be able to do away with the embarrassing Hoyer lifts into and out of the wheelchair, thanks to a sit-to-stand machine. It ain't easy, but I can do it.
So there's that, which is good. I promise pt5 of the story is coming soon.
Posted by: GreyDuck at March 19, 2022 10:33 AM (rKFiU)
4
Re: the yelling at night, I bet the guy is waking up out of nightmares. There was about a week once, when I found myself waking up yelling or eeking, and not even remembering why... Very stressful.
Posted by: Suburbanbanshee at March 19, 2022 05:26 PM (sF8WE)
5
Banshee, I learned this morning that he has a CPAP that he doesn't use. Soooo... I think I know the issue.
Posted by: Wonderduck at March 20, 2022 12:04 PM (DB9Lx)
Some Good News?
I haven't slept at night for about five days due to the Unholy Trinity of the jerk across the hallway and his TV at max volume all night, a guy that doesn't understand the concept of a call button and will yell "HALP!" all night, and my roommate who sounds like an Apollo moon rocket when he snores and he snores all night.
The morning headaches are amazing. The breakfasts somewhat less so.
And despite all of that, I have a smile on my face. Why?
I'm going back to Duckford. Not to Pond Central, alas, but I'll at least have the possibility of seeing family and friends. I'm being moved to the Duckford branch of the chain of LTC facilities. And its only a few miles from Pond Central.
Saturday morning is D-Day. This pleases me. A lot.
Any of you watch "reaction videos"? A guy plays a song for the first time (allegedly) and... well, reacts to it. 90% of these are total crap. Another 9% are mostly crap. It's that last 1% that has a chance of being watchable.
I've been listening to a lot of loud, fast music just to keep me interested during my workout.
Posted by: mikeski at March 11, 2022 03:37 PM (P1f+c)
5
I watched a few reaction videos for Youjo Senki (Saga of Tanya The Evil) ep.1, for the laugh factor of liberal college graduates who know nothing about WW2 and less than nothing about WW1.
Posted by: Pete Zaitcev at March 11, 2022 04:43 PM (LZ7Bg)
6
Pete, that sounds like it would have been fun... like sitting in the balcony, throwing popcorn at the people below.,
Posted by: Wonderduck at March 11, 2022 06:44 PM (bHHXR)
A Terrible Day For Rain
This past Monday, Feb 28th, 2022, at 4pm, marked an unimaginable milestone. The one-year mark of my adventures in WTFdom passed with no fanfare, no acknowledgement, not even my weekly headshrinker visit... also with me suffering from the effects of my infection: chills, headache, general malaise and stupor. So really not much different than any other day, just with chills.
I thought about posting on Monday, but was too tired of all of this crap to actually write about it. Instead, I vicariously watched artificial people play videogames that I knew I myself would never finish. One was a ridiculously fast paced FPS, and my fast twitch muscles have been shot for years. The other was Getting Over It With Bennet Foddy. I own a copy of that one, which is why I know I'll never finish it.
Until 4pm. At that time, I got to the edge of my bed, leaned hard on my heavyweight cane, got my legs under me and shoved with them like a Free Safety trying to break up a pass. Liftoff was Apollo-speed, not Shuttle-zippy, but I could feel the strength building, my knees getting closer to the point where they'd keep everything centered and controlled. If I could stand, I could walk. And if I can walk, this whole miserable adventure comes to an end. It was going to happen right then and there. With the cheerful bit of my workout music screaming in my ears, I felt like it was really happening.
Then my knees screamed ABORT ABORT ABORT and I abruptly returned to the launch pad after a three inch freefall. No massive fireball though, which I guess is a good thing. It wasn't pain, it was just the realization that my knees were already wobbling and would have pitched me to the floor in short order. Since I was there already, I did the usual leg and arm stuff until dinner. It was as disappointing as I was.
Just gotta work harder. Easy to think, hard to accomplish when you thought you already were.
On a different topic, remember that song I posred a bit ago, Lagtrain? About a month ago, another fanmade video for it came to my attention. This one was different though.
I'd seen it before. The source material, that is, back in high school. You don't forget something like this. Or I don't. I forgot plenty of stuff from when I was a Knight but this bubbled up from the tar pit portion of my memory after just a few seconds. Vauc, does this looks familiar at all? Mr Carlson's Geometry class?
This ring any bells for anyone? Well, whatever. Like I said in a comment on the yootoob page for this thing, "If you went back in time 40 years and told 14 year old me that I'd be seeing it as a cool video set to a kickin' song sung in Japanese by a computer... I would have been the happiest guy in the world."
1
I love everything about that video. It is now the preferred version, all others can take a seat.
One of these days I'm hoping to find a particular science educational short, just so I can show it to everyone to prove that no, I wasn't hallucinating, this actually existed and was shown to schoolkids, presumably in an attempt to numb them into insensibility. Unfortunately, a zillion CGI videos about mitosis and meiosis have been made in the decades since and I'm unlikely to ever see that particular one again. It was... rather awful so that's probably for the best.
Posted by: GreyDuck at March 03, 2022 09:24 AM (rKFiU)
2
What I remember about Mr Carlson is the way he could crack the yardsticks. 40 years! I've probably merged my memories of that video with memories of pong and level after level of the Tempest arcade game. So, maybe?
Posted by: Vaucanson's Duck at March 03, 2022 09:54 PM (0dtXM)
3
I love Tempest to this day.
I'm afraid my memories of Mr Carlson was his shoes, and how one had a sole four or five inches thick... considering my talents in math, I surely don't remember his teaching!
Posted by: Wonderduck at March 05, 2022 01:24 AM (bHHXR)
4
What you might need is some water therapy - ie, in a pool or hot tub. They have a lot of good stuff for this in sports medicine practices, and I am pretty sure that knee and leg strengthening is pretty common for that. Also they have harnesses and stuff so you don't fall.
Posted by: Suburbanbanshee at March 08, 2022 02:16 PM (sF8WE)
Hospital pt4: I Only THOUGHT I Was Embarrassed Before.
Attempt #4 to write this entry. I'm hoping that after having the previous three attempts fall over into the swamp, perhaps this will go better.
As you may remember, I had just informed a nurse that I needed to... um... empty my personal solid waste container, and she had just returned with a smile on her face and a bedpan in her hands. I suspect I had a look of horror on my face, both because of the... thing... in her hands and her first instruction: roll onto your side.
I tried. I tried very hard. I grabbed hold of the bedrail to my left and HEAVED... and sorta half-rolled to my side, kinda. My right leg was dead weight with the added fun of hurting like hell too. I only thought I knew what pain was because the nurse put a hand on my right flank, another around my right knee area, and shoved.
I was later told that my scream could clearly be heard at the nurse's station half a floor away. My nurse was startled; she didn't really understand the situation. Once I could breathe again and my eyeballs stopped vibrating, she honestly apologized which was nice. At this point, allow me to mention something interesting ("Finally," says every reader of The Pond ever)... the bedpan itself.
I've seen bedpans before of course... big, metal things with a white color to it. As it turns out, that was a very long time ago. Nowadays, they are a pale blueish-green thing made out of plastic, with so many swoops and curves it wouldn't have been out of place on a F1 car. Of course, aerodynamics is not exactly the point of one of these things, though sometime winds are involved. The nurse placed the device into the correct position and helped me slowly roll onto my back. And with instructions to press the call button when I was done, she sailed out of the room.
And then there was another problem. I hadn't voluntarily done... um... doo in bed since I was very very young and I was having a mental issue about letting fly. It wasn't until my guts were filled with stabbing pains that the cork was pulled and the contents decanted... and I still felt an intense embarrassment. I pushed the call button...
...and very quickly, the nurse returned. Trailing behind her came another nurse... and I instantly wanted to die. This new one was younger and a LOT cuter. That she was young enough to be my kid did cross my mind, and only added to my weaponized embarrassment. The two nurses together pulled and tugged me back onto my side. This time, my pride stupidly made me NOT scream in front of a cute girl. Tears, however, I couldn't quite control.
Then she walked by, carrying the bedpan while the other nurse began to clean my stern....
(I would like to point out that just now, this post attempted to make a break for freedom.)
...and I began to have a mental argument with myself: which is worse, having the cute nurse carry my pan of former food and clean it, or would it have been worse to have her cleaning me?
These are the sort of questions that try men's souls and keep me up at night. Does that surprise any of you? I mean, c'mon. Its me.
When they were finally done, I apologized to the first nurse. She just said it's the job, no worries, and they left me alone.
Some time later, a doctor walked in, introduced himself as the "(something) doctor, and I looked at your scans a bit ago. Your kidneystone is too large to nibble out, so we've got two choices. The first is a full-blown surgery, which I think is overkill in this case."
I wholeheartedly approved of this assessment. "So what's the other choice?"
He gave me a real smile and said "We knock you out, run a tube with a camera up your lil' ducky, maneuver it up to your kidney, then slide a stent up it to the kidney in an attempt to let the stone escape on its own. And then we'll place a catheter in your dingus to your bladder to give it a path to follow!"
For the luvvapete, it's getting better and better by the moment. And despite my brain-addled situation, I had a feeling that I was missing something important...
Next: more zombies.
Also Next: Hospital pt5: The One With All The Hoses.
1
I'm not sure if this is your intent, but you're doing a wonderful job of getting the message "eat better, take your vitamins, get some exercise and fresh air" across.
Posted by: David at February 21, 2022 12:11 AM (qSKtI)
2
So, hellish on a physical AND self-conscious level. Ugggh.
Posted by: GreyDuck at February 21, 2022 09:44 AM (rKFiU)
3
You know... It really is part of female programming to be okay with taking care of messes, and specifically of men. Possibly so that women can take care of baby and child messes too.
So there is no getting over the unpleasantness, but there is a sort of satisfaction. Like cleaning the house or lining up paper in a row.
Nurses are in a weird position of performing primate grooming tasks for strangers, but the good ones just adopt you mentally. I think male nurses also learn this trick.
I am pretty sure that men are genetically programmed to be embarrassed when women take care of them, because otherwise women might be easily suckered into taking care of everything always. So you were just maintaining healthy boundaries.
Posted by: Suburbanbanshee at February 22, 2022 08:20 AM (sF8WE)
4
It is awful and humiliating to be in that situation, but it is definitely just part of the job for the nurse.
Weird anecdote: When newly delivered, I actually preferred the lone male nurse, because he was the only one who actually asked permission before just reaching down and grabbing my tit to angle it toward the baby's mouth (nursing is a more complicated process than the uninitiated might imagine).
Posted by: Kathryn at February 24, 2022 02:01 PM (8548M)
Bedpan Saga Delayed; Delay Post Also Delayed
I just lost 1200 words of Hospital Hijinks for reasons I totally don't understand. I woke up my laptop, there's the post... must not have saved it at the end of the last session. So I clicked "save" and I got a message I had never seen in 18 years of using .mu.nu software.
"You are not authorized to access this page."
Look, it hasn't been the best of days. One of those "I want everything to go away for a while so I can just relax for once" days. Now that happens. My chill is non-existent right about now.
And then the original version of this post disappeared, eaten by an unfortunate combination of touchpad and hate. So I had to rewrite the post explaining why I'm having to rewrite a different post.
Hospital pt3 - So Sick I Felt Fine
Sleep, when it finally did come,was not of the highest quality. But it DID eventually happen between nurse incursions. Blood pressure was watched carefully overnight... I vaguely remember telling them to just leave the cuff on my arm, it'd save time. If I did tell them that, they didn't take my advice. They finally did get the stereo equipment plugged in, but it was much improved from when I had the monitoring stuff back in 2005. Still had enough cabling to control an Aegis cruiser's coffeemaker from the 12 sticky pads stuck to my chest, but the box they ran to was smaller and lighter. Still too heavy to put in the hospital gown's pocket though... my lovely frock was quickly disheveled, pulled into a plunging V-neck that'd be illegal in 17 states and Switzerland. However, instead of a big cable running from that to the wall, it had wifi. Of course. Everything has wifi anymore. Somewhere around 3am I could take no more and slept the sleep of the innocent.
Two hours later I was awakened by a frantic electrical *beep*ing, quickly followed by a fast-moving nurse. Turns out three of the leads on my chest had worked themselves free of their pads, and the machine interpreted that as signs of imminent death. Reassured that I was not, in fact, shuffling off this particular mortal coil, the nurse decided to remove the old pads and hook up a wah-wah pedal, too. How could anybody had known just how the adhesive on the pads would react to the feathers on my chest? All the skin on the front of my body came off with the yanking of the pads.
Business began to pick up at 7am. Shift change occurred, a nurse held the bucket for me, blood was taken, medications hung, and breakfast served. Break Fast literally in my case. Pancakes, sausage, thick gooey oatmeal? Heh. I like that version of life. A thin gruel that seemed to have been genetically related to Cream o' Wheet, a half-slice of wheat toast with a tiny amount of butter, and a glass of water. I couldn't finish it.
9am brought the conversation I had wanted: doctor time! Or, more correctly doctors, plural. The first talked with me about the blood clot. It was fairly large, but they believed it'd respond well to the blood thinners. Surgery was theoretically possible, but very unlikely. Everything would have to go horribly wrong for it to be a thing. Deep deep inside me, a little voice started to chant "you're gonna need it, you're gonna need it." Thats when it was the other doctor's turn. He introduced himself, and I realized the other doctor had pulled a Batman and completely disappeared. The doc explained that not only did the Donut and the Ultrasound fund the bloodclot, it found a kidneystone, too. Hooray!
In a day or two they were going to take me in for a Procedure. They'd run a probe up my Lil' Wonderduckie and to my right kidney where they'd stick a stent up there to encourage the stone to go a-wanderin'. Then they'd install a catheter too. I suspect my cringe could be felt in Chicago... everything I've ever heard about catheters made it perfectly clear I never wanted one, ever. But wait, there's more! Remember that nurse who asked about the urine's smell? They apparently used it for a testing sample. I had an infection, and not a small one, either. With that, a whole bunch of puzzle pieces fell into place. I had a whole series of symptoms for years... I've even written about them here occasionally... but never all at the same time. For an idiot like me, they didn't particularly cause any red flags to fly. The worst was a sudden back or neck pain, followed by bad chills. It would only last for a few hours, then disappear like nothing had happened.
But most of the time, I felt fine. I didn't even have a hint of the kidneystone. The antibiotic would flow immediately... but not before the vampires came by again. But after that... well, in fact, something else had to take place first. Something very, very important.
I needed to void solids. And then, proving to me that nurses are very odd, the nurse was pleased. She left the room for a minute. Upon her return, she held out the other thing I didn't ever want to see. In fact, it was presented with a flourish worthy of any courtier in a fantasy castle.
A bedpan.
Oh, crap...
Next Time: More Zombies.
Also Next Time: Hospital pt4: I Only THOUGHT I Was Embarrassed Before.
Hospital pt2: Like A Cloud, Only With Squeezy Boots.As the gurney was rolled through a maze of hallways... I could have sworn one of my steering units was dropping popcorn behind him... I couldn't help but notice that the ceiling was entirely different from what it had been when we had visited the land of the Angry Growling Doughnut. Turns out we were headed into the hospital's New Wing... you could hear the capital letters thudding into place... which surprised me. See, back in the day the Duck U Bookstore sold the books for this hospital's college of nursing so I had spent a lot of time there, and to be honest I had no idea where'd they'd PUT a NewWing. As it turned out, I was both right and wrong; there wasn't room for new construction. So they made room... RIP college of nursing and some other stuff. And so, I got to notice a new ceiling. And yes, I did spend a minute of your life telling you an over-detailed story to explain a different shape of ceiling tile.
I'M BACK, PONDSCUMMERS! Did ya miss me?
Eventually the steering units... it was a powered gurney, even had cute little brake handles and everything. The medical folk involved just leaned on the thing to make it go one way or the other. Anyway, they found an elevator and as luck had it it was packed with medfolk. A short standoff occurred before it was sent on its merry way. The next one was empty, though only for as long as it took to load in my scooterbed. Which took longer than you'd have thought; the wheels got stuck in the gap between elevator and floor. Eventually this trouble was dispatched and up we went to the 5th floor... the newest in the entire hospital. The Cardiac floor. New ceiling, too, much further away than all the rest thus far. I really realized something right then. This was serious. Or really, SERIOUS. They wouldn't put me in the Cardiac wards if it wasn't. They rolled me into a random room that honestly was bigger than my living room.
And then, another transfer to another bed. As before, serious pain and sad puppy whining sounds. And a bed that was the most uncomfortable I've ever been. Seriously, it was like lying on an aluminum sheet with rods on it. The rolling table went away, taking the medical personnel with it, and I was in a hospital, alone, basically naked, on a painful table, in the dark, and scared out of my tiny little mind. Not because I was alone... that could be a good sign, you don't leave cardiac cases alone without them being wired for sound first... but because of the pain.
At the beginning of all this two weeks previously, stuff in my leg hurt but it stopped hurting when I stopped moving. When it stopped doing leg things it didn't hurt. But now it was constant sharp lance being wiggled around and THAT was scary.
Finally a couple of CNAs came in, turning a light on as they came. One threw a sheet over me. The other one though... she threw a switch on the far end of the bed and a loud hiss filled the room. More importantly was that I was no longer lying on an uncomfortable sheet of aluminum but hovering just over it! I'm sort of embarrassed to admit that my first thought was air hockey. In my defense, it had been a long day. They had put me in an inflatable bed and for the first time since 3pm, my back and butt didn't hurt. Considering the pain in the rest of my body, it was a small victory, but a victory it was.
The nurses efficiently got my tree of bags hung and stuck in my arm... and drew more blood to look at the effectiveness of the blood thinners. This should have warned me of what was coming but I was clueless... its not like I had any experience in this. They showed me what to press if I needed to use the loo, to adjust the bed, and how to turn on the TV. This would prove to be the most important of the three. And what a TV! 46" if it was a foot. Much cable channels, including TCM... during Oscars month. Say what you want about the Hollywood "I Love ME!" event, but they give that to good movies. During my stay I got to wat... a nurse walks in and takes blood... I got to watch about 30 great movies. I'd already seen some of them of course: I had Citizen Kane memorized long before, but I had managed to miss most Sidney Poitier films for example.
So that, mixed with my cellphone, would have my entertainment covered. This was nowhere near to being true, but I didn't know that yet. I also didn't know that despite my bed being comfort itself, sleep was not going to be a thing. But at the moment, it wasn't going to be... a nurse walks in, takes blood, and leaves again... ...be a problem.
Yeah. I was screwed, I just didn't know it yet.
Next Time: More Zombies!
Also Next Time: Hospital pt3 - So Sick I Felt Fine
1
When the ceiling is the only view you've got, that's the material you have to work with for describing your environment.
It's amazing how much relief one can get from the transition from "lots of pain" to "somewhat less, but still a lot of, pain," isn't it?
Posted by: GreyDuck at January 26, 2022 11:51 AM (rKFiU)
2
I admit to being *slightly* disappointed that you didn't write the whole thing and then tell the story out of order. "Next time: Episode 2, Donut of Doom!" "WRONG! Next time: Episode 8, French Toast!"
Posted by: Kathryn at January 27, 2022 02:36 PM (8548M)
3
While I would find the Haruhi reference exquisitely tasty, it would mean I had actually written it beforehand. That would require me to... write ahead! Indeed it would have me write what is looking like it's going to easily be well over 10000 words.
I'm just not that sort of writer. Everything you've ever seen on The Pond, except for the longest of military history posts, has been written off the fly and on the cuff. I almost never perform acts of editing on posts, save for spelling or some horrible violation of the English language
I usually don't know ahead of time what I'll be saying. Usually.
Posted by: Wonderduck at January 27, 2022 11:31 PM (bHHXR)
4
It would also be pretty difficult to construct the story such that the readers could still follow what was going on even with it being out of order. Might be an interesting challenge for me next time I get the writing bug...
More importantly, I'm so glad you're doing better. I was really worried.
Posted by: Kathryn at January 28, 2022 05:41 PM (8548M)