No time for introductions, let's get right to the F1 UPDATE!

*WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?: Now THAT'S a race! Where to begin? First and foremost has got to be Robert Kubica's horrendous accident; he was in the process of passing Jarno Trulli coming into turn 7 and was pushed a little too far outside. His car left the track at high speed, got slightly airborne, brushed a barrier, then slammed almost straight-on into a concrete wall, which just demolished his BMW. The remains of the car then ricochetted back across the track, ending up on it's side in the run-off area of turn 8, some 150 yards from where the whole event began. Kubica was motionless in the cockpit and we here at F1 UPDATE! feared the worst, though reports have come in that he only suffered a broken leg.

Then you had three OTHER yellow flags, two cars black-flagged, Takuma Sato passing both Fernando Alonso and Kimi Raikkonen for position, and more. It all added up to an amazing race... even before you take into account Lewis Hamilton winning his first ever Grand Prix. Put that into the mix, and you have perhaps one of the greatest races of all time!

*SHAKEUP ON THE PODIUM: Hamilton on the podium is no huge news, though his being on the top step is. That Grizzly Nick Heidfeld and Man-Mountain Wurz were 2nd and 3rd is AMAZING news, if only because it means that neither Ferrari or Fernando Alonso got on. In a race full of startling events, these were two of the most surprising.

*DRIVER OF THE RACE: Lewis Hamilton would be a deserving enough person to give this award to... on any other day. For this race, however, we're going to give Heikki Kovalainen the honors. After a simply dreadful pre-race weekend that saw him blow an engine, destroy his suspension, and tear the back off his car, all on seperate incidents, he started today's race from dead last on the grid. He somehow managed to weave his way through all the events going on around him and brought his Renault home in an astonishing fourth place. Honorable mention goes to the aforementioned Lewis Hamilton. He's a rookie who's only been in six F1 races; he's never finished lower than third, and today he gets his first win. Not bad.

*TEAM OF THE RACE: We here at F1 UPDATE! are having a problem with this one. Only three teams had both cars finish, McLaren, SuperAguri and Williams. McLaren doesn't deserve it: they may have had the winner, but Alonso had a miserable day when he should have been on the podium, due in part to the team calling him in to the pits before the pit lane was open, thereby earning him a 10sec penalty. SuperAguri only had one car in the points, and the other would have been a couple laps down under the old rules. So that leaves Williams, with one car on the podium and the other in 10th, as the winners of the TotR for Montreal. Yay.

*MOVE OF THE RACE: No shortage to choose from today, and yet, there was no contest. On lap 68, SuperAguri's Takuma SUPERSato, having dispatched Ralf Schumacher two laps earlier, was all over the back of World Champion Fernando Alonso's McLaren. He had spent the two laps setting Alonso up, looking for an opening. Finally, down the straight he got a nice draft off the McLaren, pulled up close behind, and slingshotted past on the outside, simply powering by... and there was nothing Alonso could do about it. To make matters better, this was for SIXTH PLACE! The cheers from the F1 UPDATE! crew were deafening! To make matters better, earlier in the race SUPERSato had pressured Ferrari's Kimi Raikkonen into an error in the hairpin and blown past him as well. For superior passing not once, but TWICE, we MUST give Takuma Sato the Move of the Race.

*MOOOOOOO-OOVE OF THE RACE: In a race full of the spirit of the bovine, one moment stood out above all the rest. On lap 38, Jarno Trulli and Nico Rosberg were side by side going into turn 1, dicing for position. Rosberg got slightly off-track and spun, a manuever that should have collected Trulli as well... but didn't, because Trulli had ALSO lost control and spun at almost the exact same time. In replays, it was like the two of them were pairs figure skaters, so identical were their oscillations. 9.5 from the American judge, and here's your Mooooooo-oove, boys!

*DRIVER QUOTES OF THE RACE: "This is better than sex." - Lewis Hamilton (note: real quote)

"This is as good as sex." - Nick Heidfeld

"This isn't as good as sex, but it's still pretty good." - Alex Wurz

"I've never had sex." - Heikki Kovelaneineinneinninnie

"mrmmblm mrbmbbmbmmlb mlbrbblmmblb." - Kimi Raikkonen

"All of Japan is mine for the taking now!" - Takuma Sato

"No comment. Leave me alone. Go away." - Fernando Alonso

"I do love my job... $20 million a year for 8th place." - Ralf Schumacher

"At one point, I was contending in this race. What the hell happened? Oh, that's right, I drive for RedBull." - Mark Webber

"I wonder if the Berlin McDonald's is hiring?" - Nico Rosberg

"It could have been SO much better..." - Ant Davidson

"I'm 12th... but only because I was the last car running. *sob*" - Rubens Barrichello

"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" - Jarno Trulli, Scott Speed, Christijan Albers, Adrian Sutil, and Vitantonio Liuzzi

"WHAT?!?!?!" - Felipe Massa, Giancarlo Fisichella (note: both were blackflagged for leaving the pits at a dangerous time. Massa seemed to believe that he did nothing wrong, judging from his thumbs-down gesture...)

"Look, ma, I'm on TV, and I look just like my brother!" - Felipe Massa's younger brother

"It won't stop, it won't go, and it won't turn. Pants." - David Coulthard's Chin, talking about his car on the team radio (note: real quote)

"The only way I got off the grid was by being pushed behind the wall by six stewards. Why are you talking to me?" - Jenson Button.

"" - Robert Kubica

On that sobering note, we end this edition of F1 UPDATE! with a fervent hope that Kubica is going to be fine, and that we'll see you here next week for the US Grand Prix! Coverage will begin on Thursday!

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