July 12, 2005

F1 Update: GREAT BRITAIN!

FINALLY. We here at F1 Update are going to, y'know, do our job and get YOU, the reader, our insights on the most recent race. So let's get on with it! It's F1 UPDATE TIME!!!

*UM... 'SILENCE' MEANS YOU DON'T TALK, GUYS.: Okay, they've shown they can be respectful to the passing of royalty (Monte Carlo), but the display shown at Silverstone was anything but respectful. Maybe you could have expected teams like Ferrari, Minardi and Toyota to have not 'gotten it,' since they aren't based in England, but for Jensen Button of all people to be SMILING during the so-called moment of silence was shocking. Kudos to the Jordan drivers, who honestly looked humble, but most of the visible team members were not paying attention to the ceremony for the fallen. Bad Karma, guys... it'll bite you soon.

*TEAM OF THE RACE: McLaren. First and third is a pretty good way to finish a race. What should be flat-out frightening for everybody on the grid is that it was Montoya who won it, with Raikonnen coming from wayyyyy down at the start to take the final podium position handily. Throw in the performance of the guys in the pits, and you've got the makings of a full-team juggernaut.

*MOVE OF THE RACE: McLaren Pit Crew. All day, they got Juan Pablo Montoya out of the pits fast enough to allow him to rejoin the fray ahead of Fernando Alonso. A perfect example of this is the sequence on laps 22 and 23. Montoya comes in and rejoins in 3rd. Alonso pits from 2nd on 23, and when he comes out, Montoya JUST beats him into the turn complex off pit lane. The same thing happened at laps 44/49, but even closer. Montoya drove the wheels off his car, but it was the pit lane gang that won this one for him.

*MOOOO-VE OF THE RACE: Celebrating the most bovine performance of the skirmish, this race winner is Renault's Giancarlo Fisichella. Fighting for a podium spot, he comes into the pits on Lap 46 from 3rd. Renault's pit crew does a neat job of getting him fueled fast enough to allow him to rejoin the race BEFORE Kimi Raikonnen comes around... except that Fisi does something fishy and STALLS HIS CAR FOR THE SECOND RACE IN A ROW. Flavor Flav(io) looked like he was chewing on his own kidney, and one expects that Giancarlo isn't going to be able to sit down for a few days after the a**chewing he was about to get. Honorable mention goes to Takuma Sato. Yes, again. This time he didn't even make it to the grid before he started campaigning for the award. Approaching the lineup for the lights, he pressed the wrong button on the BAR-Honda's steering wheel and stalled out. He eventually ended up 16th.

QUOTES OF THE RACE:
"It's the car, stupid." - JP Montoya.
"I still have a big lead, so what if I took second?" - Fernando Alonso.
"I should get bonus points for fast lap, like the guys in GP2 get." - Kimi Raikonnen.
"Ow! I don't think Flavio needed to use that starter cart on my butt, that was rude." - Giancarlo Fisichella.
"We can't expect anything more from the car at this moment." - Jensen Button (note: real quote)
"Shut up, *#$&@^^#**" - The staff of F1 Update.
"Will someone PLEASE get Trulli to take off that STUPID engineer's cap?" - Michael Schumacher.
"I don't think I could have done much better. Get me another damn beer. *hic*" - Rubens Barrichello. (note: part of this is a real quote)
"Jarno says I can be the coal shoveler! Cool!" - Ralf Schumacher.
"Wooo-wooooooooo! Chuggachuggachuggachuggachugga..." - Jarno Trulli.
"When I was alone on the track, the car was very good." - Felipe Massa (note: real quote) (yeah, but that's why it's called a race, Felipe ol' chumly.)
"'Dark Horse for constructor of the year,' that's what F1 Update called us. Yeah. Pull the other one, mate." - Mark Webber.
"Scheisse." - Nick Heidfeld.
"I hope that was, at the very least, entertaining for the crowds." - David Coulthard's Chin. (good man, that DC's Chin...)
"Unfortunately, I screwed up the first pit stop. I was looking for the lollypop, and I got distracted by something out of the corner of my eye. I thought it was the lollypop, so I started to go, and I ran over one of the pit crew's foot. Hey, look, something bright and sparkly!!! Oooooh, prettttttyyyyyyyyyyyyy..." - Jacques Villeneuve. (yep, real quote.)
"Fifthteenth is very disappointing." - Christian Klein. (I can't make these things up.)
"Baka! BAKA! Where's my wakazashi? Seppuku on the rear wing, 10 pm... it'll be Sato sushi..." - Takuma Sato.
"Halfway through the race, I was told that Sato was still behind me!" - Tiago Montiero (ow, that's gotta hurt)
"I'm quite happy with the result." - Christijan Albers. (Minardi, what can you do?)
"I wasn't last." - Patrick Friesacher. (Minardi takes their victories where they can...)
"Don't tell Sato I've got his sword... I need it." - Narain Karthekeyan.
"Believe me, I could have done everything Montiero did, at least." - Danica Patrick.

So, that's it for another edition of F1 UPDATE. Next race, Hockenheim! However, F1 UPDATE may not be able to actually DO an update that week, as we'll be in Chicago from the 24th thru the 29th, undergoing rigerous training. Or something like that. But keep your eyes glued to the monitor between now and then!

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