August 26, 2007

F1 UPDATE!: TURKEY!

We here at F1 UPDATE! refuse to agree with those who claim that all of F1 is boring racing.

We will say that today's race from Istanbul (not Constantinople) was dull as dishwater. Let's get to the updatin'!

*CLEAN SIDE GOOD...: ...dirty side bad. When the lights went out, the grid was Ferrari-McLaren-Ferrari-McLaren-BMW-BMW. By the first corner, it was Ferrari-Ferrari-McLaren-BMW-BMW-McLaren. Guess which cars were on the dirty side of the track? The Ferraris looked like they had been launched by an aircraft carrier's catapult, the McLarens like they were imitating the infamous Minardi Chicane. The race was effectively over at that point.

*GREAT TRACK, THOUGH: The race may have been dull, but the Istanbul Autodrom is rapidly climbing our list of favorite F1 tracks, and Quad-8 may very well be THE turn in Formula 1. Eau Rouge might be the only one that can compete with it now that 130-R has fallen off the calendar. (Suzuka R.I.P.)

*DRIVER OF THE RACE: No obvious winners today, so we'll give it to Felipe Massa for his dominating race. Just about as perfect a drive as you can expect to get.

*TEAM OF THE RACE: Ferrari. 1-2 on the podium, and McLaren never really challenged them, though Hamilton hung close during the first stint. Guess maybe that broken wind tunnel really DID have something to do with it?

*MOVE OF THE RACE: None. Oh, Button did have a decent pass on David Coulthard's Chin at Turn 1 early on, but we don't want to give the MOTR to such a pedestrian move.

*MOOOOO-OOVE OF THE RACE: Also None. For once, there really wasn't a flat-out "what were they THINKING?" manuever in the race. Other than the Lap 1, Turn 1 incident when five cars tried to go into a space only large enough for three (which is the norm for the first turn of a F1 race), there's nothing we can point to and say "MOOOOOOO!" So, instead, here's a picture of Lewis Hamiton's tire acting like a S&M Dominatrix:

You've been a BAAAAD boy, and must be punished.

*DRIVERS QUOTES OF THE RACE: "I'm a Turkey! No, wait, that didn't come out right." - Felipe Massa

"brmrmslbbl blrmmlblll mrmrmbmlm m." - Kimi Raikkonen

"It was not the plan to lose two places at the start." - Fernando Alonso (note: real quote)

"That photographer is gonna die." - Grizzly Nick Heidfeld

"My Bridgestone tire blows out on a day that Ferrari wins? Smells too convienent to me..." - Lewis Hamilton

"The first person who points out that my healthy Renault couldn't catch a damaged McLaren with 10 laps to go gets a mouthful of Finnish knuckles." - Heikki Kovaleineinninnie

"Why are you interviewing me? I was given 7th place by BMW's stupid pit strategies." - Nico Rosberg

"Oh, Grizzly Nick... it's a wonderful photo of you." - Robert Kubica

"My race was compromised by what happened at the first corner. And by being Giancarlo Fisichella." - Giancarlo Fisichella

"blah blah complain about the car blah blah blah inconsistent whine whine." - David Coulthard's Chin (note: this is what his real quote boils down to)

"GRAHR! WURZ NO BOTHERED BY HEAT! CAR SLOW! WURZ SMASH!!!" - Man-Mountain Wurz

"" - Ralf Schumacher

"YAY! Midpack!" - Jensen Button

"Where is your 'SUPERSATO' now?" - Ant Davidson

"I finished the race. Does that make me a better candidate for a drive next year?" - Vitantonio Liuzzi (note: no.)

"I had a pointy car. Pointy pointy pointy pointy pointy." - Jarno Trulli (note: Peter 'smarmy' Windsor probably used 'pointy' to describe Trulli's Toyota a dozen times in 30 seconds during the pre-race gridwalk. What the %*%&&%@# does that friggin' mean???)

"I beat a SuperAguri. Am I supposed to be happy?" - Rubens Barrichello

"I'm right here, Ant." - Takuma (He'll always be SUPER to us) Sato

"I would prefer to feel a lot more tired than I do, but me much higher up the order!” - Sebastian Vettel (note: kids these days with their slang and their broken English... get off my lawn!)

"I FINISHED!" - Sakon Yamamoto

"I wasn't last!" - Adrian Sutil

"Um... Aieeee? Why would I say 'Aieeee?' I didn't crash, I had hydraulics failure and drove the car into the pits. Since when does that call for 'Aieeee'?" - Mark Webber

And so, the Turkish GP comes to an end. In two weeks, we're at Monza, the 'Magic Track'... and the fastest track on the calendar. We can smell the tifosi now...

Posted by: Wonderduck at 01:56 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 743 words, total size 5 kb.

1 I'm looking forward to Japan, but it won't be for another month. Brand new track, and no one knows what to expect from it! Good times!

Posted by: Steven Den Beste at August 26, 2007 07:13 PM (+rSRq)

2 Great Update!

I loved the LAT with that quote from Coulthard before the season started that it was too soon to bring Lewis Hamilton into the REAL show; he should stay in the farm system a couple of more years. Yeah, right...

Definitely looking forward to Monaza!

Posted by: Mallory at August 27, 2007 12:50 AM (KJzva)

3 This F1 tyro would appreciate an explanation of the dirty vs clean side of the track effect - something to do with marbles, maybe?

Posted by: Vaucanson's duck at August 27, 2007 03:37 AM (oplPK)

4 Actually, I'm curious about that too.

Posted by: Steven Den Beste at August 28, 2007 05:44 AM (+rSRq)

5 If I'm correct, the "dirty" side of the track will give you less traction during your start, causing you to lose positions to those on the "clean" side. What causes a clean vs. dirty problem? Tracks located in arid or dusty areas are prone to having dust or sand blown onto the course.

Posted by: madmike at August 28, 2007 10:46 AM (o+iiH)

6 Dirty/Clean/Rubbered/Green post coming tonight!

Posted by: Wonderduck at August 28, 2007 01:26 PM (DMnkh)

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