We here at F1 UPDATE! refuse to agree with those who claim that all of F1 is boring racing.

We will say that today's race from Istanbul (not Constantinople) was dull as dishwater. Let's get to the updatin'!

*CLEAN SIDE GOOD...: ...dirty side bad. When the lights went out, the grid was Ferrari-McLaren-Ferrari-McLaren-BMW-BMW. By the first corner, it was Ferrari-Ferrari-McLaren-BMW-BMW-McLaren. Guess which cars were on the dirty side of the track? The Ferraris looked like they had been launched by an aircraft carrier's catapult, the McLarens like they were imitating the infamous Minardi Chicane. The race was effectively over at that point.

*GREAT TRACK, THOUGH: The race may have been dull, but the Istanbul Autodrom is rapidly climbing our list of favorite F1 tracks, and Quad-8 may very well be THE turn in Formula 1. Eau Rouge might be the only one that can compete with it now that 130-R has fallen off the calendar. (Suzuka R.I.P.)

*DRIVER OF THE RACE: No obvious winners today, so we'll give it to Felipe Massa for his dominating race. Just about as perfect a drive as you can expect to get.

*TEAM OF THE RACE: Ferrari. 1-2 on the podium, and McLaren never really challenged them, though Hamilton hung close during the first stint. Guess maybe that broken wind tunnel really DID have something to do with it?

*MOVE OF THE RACE: None. Oh, Button did have a decent pass on David Coulthard's Chin at Turn 1 early on, but we don't want to give the MOTR to such a pedestrian move.

*MOOOOO-OOVE OF THE RACE: Also None. For once, there really wasn't a flat-out "what were they THINKING?" manuever in the race. Other than the Lap 1, Turn 1 incident when five cars tried to go into a space only large enough for three (which is the norm for the first turn of a F1 race), there's nothing we can point to and say "MOOOOOOO!" So, instead, here's a picture of Lewis Hamiton's tire acting like a S&M Dominatrix:

*DRIVERS QUOTES OF THE RACE: "I'm a Turkey! No, wait, that didn't come out right." - Felipe Massa

"brmrmslbbl blrmmlblll mrmrmbmlm m." - Kimi Raikkonen

"It was not the plan to lose two places at the start." - Fernando Alonso (note: real quote)

"That photographer is gonna die." - Grizzly Nick Heidfeld

"My Bridgestone tire blows out on a day that Ferrari wins? Smells too convienent to me..." - Lewis Hamilton

"The first person who points out that my healthy Renault couldn't catch a damaged McLaren with 10 laps to go gets a mouthful of Finnish knuckles." - Heikki Kovaleineinninnie

"Why are you interviewing me? I was given 7th place by BMW's stupid pit strategies." - Nico Rosberg

"Oh, Grizzly Nick... it's a wonderful photo of you." - Robert Kubica

"My race was compromised by what happened at the first corner. And by being Giancarlo Fisichella." - Giancarlo Fisichella

"blah blah complain about the car blah blah blah inconsistent whine whine." - David Coulthard's Chin (note: this is what his real quote boils down to)

"GRAHR! WURZ NO BOTHERED BY HEAT! CAR SLOW! WURZ SMASH!!!" - Man-Mountain Wurz

"" - Ralf Schumacher

"YAY! Midpack!" - Jensen Button

"Where is your 'SUPERSATO' now?" - Ant Davidson

"I finished the race. Does that make me a better candidate for a drive next year?" - Vitantonio Liuzzi (note: no.)

"I had a pointy car. Pointy pointy pointy pointy pointy." - Jarno Trulli (note: Peter 'smarmy' Windsor probably used 'pointy' to describe Trulli's Toyota a dozen times in 30 seconds during the pre-race gridwalk. What the %*%&&%@# does that friggin' mean???)

"I beat a SuperAguri. Am I supposed to be happy?" - Rubens Barrichello

"I'm right here, Ant." - Takuma (He'll always be SUPER to us) Sato

"I would prefer to feel a lot more tired than I do, but me much higher up the order!” - Sebastian Vettel (note: kids these days with their slang and their broken English... get off my lawn!)

"I FINISHED!" - Sakon Yamamoto

"I wasn't last!" - Adrian Sutil

"Um... Aieeee? Why would I say 'Aieeee?' I didn't crash, I had hydraulics failure and drove the car into the pits. Since when does that call for 'Aieeee'?" - Mark Webber

And so, the Turkish GP comes to an end. In two weeks, we're at Monza, the 'Magic Track'... and the fastest track on the calendar. We can smell the tifosi now...

Posted by: Wonderduck at 01:56 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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