May 14, 2019
Tim Conway 1933 - 2019
Still the funniest thing I've ever seen.
April 23, 2019
51 It was a day much like any other Chicago day in 1968. A pale gray haze hung over the city, courtesy of the smog caused by millions of cars. The ivy on the Wrigley Field walls had yet to bloom and instead remained a dull brown. Kids were in school, grown-ups were at work, and the day continued much as any other day would continue.
Except that, in a hospital on Lake Shore Drive not far from the aforementioned home of the Cubs, a Wonderduck was presented to a confused and tentative world.
My age 50 year... mmm... not so good. Here's hoping for a better 51.
April 22, 2019
When "Forward" Looks A Lot Like Taking A Nap This evening, I headed into the loo here at Pond Central. There was nothing special about this, it was simply to pick up a pair of reading glasses I had left there... 2x mag, look a lot like protective eyewear (because they are... they were on sale!)... when suddenly, I vurped.
Yes, that sneaky combination of burp and vomit that comes out of nowhere and heralds... well, I don't rightly know what it heralds. Surely nothing good. Indeed, I spent the next half-hour or so feeling right miserable as my body did... things I don't want to discuss in any detail here. Because damn, ain't nobody need to know that.
So it was with some slight concern that I decided that I should just take a rest. After all, what if it all came back for round two? The results would have been catastrophic, considering the difficulty I have in getting out of my memory-foam mattress-topped bed. Remember the bit in... um... (looks it up to confirm) yes, Life, The Universe, And Everything? About how mattresses are actually friendly (if dim-witted) sentient creatures that are hunted, killed, dried out, and the bodies sent around the galaxy for people to sleep on? Yes, well, I can't help but wonder about that at times, because my memory-foam mattress does try very hard to keep me in it. I assume for digestive purposes.
But my choices were limited at this point: bed, or comfy chair which has its own problems. Bed it was, just for a few hours.
SIX HOURS LATER, I woke up. The hell...? Well, damn. And I feel right as rain, no illness bits going on at all. The human body is a wonderful thing, lemme tell ya... I just wish I understood what the hell is going on with mine sometimes. Well, anyway... I'm going to move the writeup to Tuesday night... nothing else going on, really... and THEN you'll know what's gotten me so het up recently. Stay tuned!
April 21, 2019
Wow... Just... Wow. I had intended to actually, y'know, write. About anime. Here. On my blog. I know, what a concept, right? It was going to be on Saturday, after I completed a great short series that charmed the socks off me.
Saturday afternoon, I laid down for a nap, around 5pm or so. Except for two hour-long stints around 2am and 9am, I slept until nearly 4pm Sunday. I don't know why, but my body decided "no activity for you, Mr Duck."
So you've got that to look forward to on Monday, I hope... a review of a lovely little anime that, while it may not appeal to everybody, should appeal to most of my readers.
Look forward to it, won't you?
April 15, 2019
A World Tragedy
The famous Cathredral at Notre Dame in Paris caught fire today. Within a relatively short time, the fire destroyed the roof, brought down the spire, and has gone on to consume everything within the stone walls.
Its very location, on a small island in the Seine river, made the blaze hard to fight. Getting equipment to it proved difficult, and fireboats in the river could not get close enough to reach all the burning area. The flames spread very quickly as well, limiting what the fire brigade could do.
There have been no deaths, and it's only been in the past few minutes that I've seen a report of a single serious injury to a firefighter. Nobody who was in the Cathedral was hurt, including the many many tourists. If there's anything good to take from this, it'd be that. But otherwise? It's all pretty rotten.
April 07, 2019
I love baseball, and always will. But hockey gets it in a way no other sport seems to.
April 06, 2019
Go Cubs Go! #001 Because they clearly need all the help they can get this season:
I want to feel like I did on November 3rd, 2016. Please?
March 31, 2019
Hermit Run Ends At 22 Days Against all odds, on Wednesday March 27th, for the first time since I was deemed surplus to requirements by my employers, I left Pond Central. I got into the Duckmobile, drove a few miles to my local AcceptableClips for my first haircut in over a full year. They took 10 inch lengths of hair off! Now every time the wind blows I shiver because there's airflow over my neck, and that hasn't happened in months.
But there must have been a reason for me to go out, right? Right. On Thursday, I had a job interview. Similar to what I was doing, except now I'd be creating the bills and sending them to the insurance companies. It went well enough, except I have no idea what the interviewer thought. Good poker face... I mean, if I interview someone, if I'm interested it would be pretty obvious. Here though, she could have thought I was the worst candidate ever and I'd have no idea.
More importantly though... I finally went back to the office to pick up my waiting packages. This was duly accomplished, but I had a very interesting conversation with my ex-direct supervisor, who we shall call "Betty" because that's not her name. Turns out Betty was being sent to Chennai, India by the company the next morning, for a month of training classes. No, not her being trained, but her training other people. Specificially, new hires on how to process claims from the same client I worked with. Three states' worth of claims were going to be permanently moved overseas for processing in India... and two of the states were quite large indeed. Suddenly, it becomes even less surprising that people were being let go. Betty also went on to say that it was "probably a good thing" that I was let go when I was... the whole building has a black cloud hanging over it, morale has totally cratered, ain't nobody happy. Betty was expecting a mass exodus soon, in fact. We talked for a few more minutes about her upcoming trip, she promised to e-mail, and I came home.
I'm still not fond of the outside, though.
Formula 1 race on Sunday, from Bahrain... the Ferrari of Charles AMX-30 is on pole, would you believe? More important, however, is that this video is so cool it's stupid-cool:
Talk more soon.
EDIT: ...and then I found this, which is perfect: y'know, hermit crabs?
March 20, 2019
Making Progress. Kinda. I Mean, In Comparison... It was just over two weeks ago that I was informed that my services were no longer required, desired or wanted at my job. 14 days plus a few hours.
For the first time in those two weeks, I have left Pond Central. Okay, yes, it was to go pick up my mail so I didn't even leave the building, but I was actually outside of my home. At 315am, practically no chance to bump into other people there.
I'm having lunch with Ph.Duck and D.Nurse on Thursday, so I've got to get my outside on, and fast. I need to pick up my packages from Ex-Job... I didn't think it'd be so hard to go back... I want my stuff, but my brain is really rebelling against it. "Go back to a place that flat out told you they didn't want you anymore? Are you mad?"
You don't have to answer that.
I also need to get a haircut. It's about time, the last one was Easter 2018, I'm pretty sure. Everything is ridiculously shaggy, except where it's knotted or matted together on the right side of my head... that's the side I sleep on. Barbers, man your shavers!
But all of those require me to go out.
Depression is a helluva thing.
March 12, 2019
Endings And Beginnings Last Tuesday was by all appearances just another day. Same assignment for the day, same system difficulties we've had for weeks, same lack of neighbors around my desk... really, that last one wasn't much of a problem. After clocking in and checking my e-mail (chair massages are on thursday!) I got right to work, popping lifesavers as I went. It's a new habit, I guess.
After a good 90 minutes, I came up for air, stretched, swore as my saddlesores screamed, then checked e-mail again. Hm. E-mail from the boss, inviting me to a meeting in 15 minutes in the forward training room. Okay, just click on "accept" and... huh? No accept? It wasn't sent via outlook, but personal from the boss to me. Well, isn't that interesting? I sat and thought for a moment... perhaps it's going to be training on a new work type. We have been struggling for claims of late, after all. I leaned back, mulled it over in my mind, then sat up, pulled my cellphone out of the filing cabinet, followed by my car keys and my glasses. To anybody looking at me, it just appeared I was going on break as I headed to the meeting.
I found seven or eight other people in there, as well as the boss herself. Oh dear... she's not a trainer. She talked for a few minutes about... nothing, really, I guess, and then said the magic words: "we've made the decision to terminate your employment with us."
Declining claim counts and a new processing system were cited as reasons. Then the various managers, supervisors, and assistants walked in carrying boxes and bags... the contents of our desks. I was mildly amused that while almost everybody else was being handed their stuff in shopping bags, my desk needed a large box and a large bag. Well, when you've lived in a place for nearly four years, that kinda happens. They helped me get my stuff to my car... when you're using canes, your ability to carry boxes is kinda truncated... wished me luck, and I was unemployed again.
I drove directly home, looked around, and decided to take a nap... and that was probably the last coherent thought I've had. The past week has been spent doing (or not doing) things as it strikes me. There are things I could/should be doing, but nah. To me, it's clear that for whatever reason, losing this job has hit me harder than losing the Duck U Bookstore job. I haven't left Pond Central since I got home that day, so about a week. I've got packages waiting for me back at the office, things I couldn't have redirected, so plenty of reason to go out, but no.
Guess this is good news for the F1 fans left in my readership... I'll have time to follow the sport again. First race of the season is this weekend after all... Australia. I'm unsure if this is a good trade or not.
Time will tell... about a lot of things, actually.
February 26, 2019
That's A Long Time I can't believe I haven't written anything in The Pond for 12 days. That never happens. So anyway. The weather has continued to be crappy, but nowhere near as bad at it was... only one ice/freezing rain event, for example. Every day's forecast has been the same: flurries/light snow early, then drying during the day, then more snow/drizzle overnight. Which really doesn't sound too awful, until you realize that it's just making sidewalks and parking lots into minefields, all set to Bouncing Betty your cane...
*ahem* Work continues to be a royal PITA. My numbers continue to drop, while my new boss has had to deal with me during the my worst stretch of health-related problems in years. They've been very patient, even not throwing a fit when I walk through the door at 1130am. Well, if they want to fire me, they've got plenty of documentation for violating attendance rules. So that's "helped" matters immensely... maybe I'm imagining it, but I don't think so.
And then... then there's the Health Department. I'm still having to keep them happy with cleanup procedures around Pond Central. This actually is the biggest stressor in my life right now, to the point where I was awake until nearly 5am this past Sunday/Monday to finish cleaning up/off/whatever the couch area in the living room. It's right behind my computer chair, so it's a convenient place to put stuff. That's been done since Day 1 at Pond Central, it's just that this time it hadn't been cleaned up in a few years. At least they approved the photographs, so that's step three of that process completed.
Between the weather, work, and the WCHD, I've developed a nervous tic, a twitching of my head to the right, as if trying to get hair out of my face... which is certainly where it came from: it's been 9 months since my last haircut.
None of this is fun anymore... at least, not what I call fun. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get ready for work in the morning. Because what else do I do?
February 12, 2019
The Story So Far. In Minnesota, they have a saying... "there's only three good uses for ice: fishing, hockey, and whiskey." They know better than to go out in a ice storm, which we had a few days ago, or when it's -35 at noon, which we had a few days ago, or the other ice storm, which I came home early to avoid driving during "rush hour."
And then as a personal "Screw You Wonderduck", I got to work the next day... and it began raining. DELUGE-level raining. Well, that's unfortunate, but nothing to worry about. After all, the temps aren't supposed to begin falling until after midnight or so. Lo and behold, the weather nabobs had gotten it wrong again. I left work wearing just the zippered fleece sweatshirt... and it had probably gone down 20 degrees in a couple of hours, AND the wind was gusting around 30 - 40 mph. I make it to my car despite the little frozen waves on the parking lot surface. I unlocked the car, pulled on the door handle, and...
....nothing. Frozen dead shut. I tried another one, frozen shut and the door handle came off in my hand. A few of my coworkers stopped to help, ended up losing two more door handles in the process. I called a taxi. That's why I didn't get home until well after 11pm, it took quite a while for the taxi to arrive... as you can imagine. Took a taxi in the next morning, when it was like 5 degrees above zero, and the driver actually helped me get into the SUV. Because canes and ice don't mix, boys and girls. At work, my car was sitting in the parking lot, absorbing whatever radiant heat was coming from Our Pal The Sun ("There is only one God, He is the Sun God. Ra! Ra! Ra!") and hopefully melting whatever ice was holding the doors shut. Around 3pm, I checked, and it opened right up! Yay.
Finished up my work around 9pm or so, gathered up my stuff, trudged in the "How fscking cold is it" temperature, unlocked me car, and the door was frozen shut. I trudged back to the office, sat down in the break room, got another taxi from that place I used earlier in the day, they showed up around 11pm. And then, once we make it to Pond Central, the driver gets out of the van and helps me out (big ice patch). "Do you want help the rest of the way sir?" "Sure. Or you can get back inside the van where it's warm and watch me... that way, I won't die alone." He laughed, and got me through the Khumbu Icefall. Yeah, these guys are getting my business from now on.
I chat with Ph.Duck, he'll come out and pick me up for a run to get the unlocked car Saturday morning... at which time I wake up and discover that I am feverish, headachy, very very tired, etc. So he got it taken care of for me, while I stayed sick Sunday and Monday... and, really, today too. I didn't get in until 1130am, fever is gone, but now there's signs of a cough building.
It's been one thing after another after another after another for weeks now, and I'm quite stressed. I'm still functioning, which impresses the hell out of me, because I think I should be hiding under my bed. Tomorrow is another day.
February 11, 2019
Alive. Nominally Functional. Details will follow if I can get them written in my free time. Because there's quite nothing like getting home from work around 11pm for a few days straight.
February 02, 2019
Of Work And Weather And Wonderduck Too Even for the way 2019 has been going thus far, the past week deserves special notice. To start with, it began to snow Sunday afternoon. And it didn't stop until mid-morning on Monday. The weather nabobs suggested we got five or more inches... and I'd agree, if you go with the "or more" part.
Amusingly, Pond Central's parking lot was in horrible condition... there was some evidence that a plowtruck had come through, but may not have had its blade down... but the Duckmobile was almost totally clear of snow. No question about going to work, probably could have made it... or maybe not. Weather nabobs were later saying that Duckford's squadron of snow removal equipment had been badly surprised by the intensity of the snowfall and even major roads had yet to be attended to. Soon enough, I came to the decision to not risk it and just call in. Apparently, many people did the same and the office was kinda empty.
Tuesday was chilly, with the forecast calling for record low temps overnight through Thursday. We'll see. Got in the Duckmobile, started it up, got my stuff in place (two canes make walking easier, but they're clumsy as hell to put away), and the RPMs slowly died to zero. Hm. To be fair, it had been cold-soaking for three days... or maybe it needed oil. Either way, it started on the second try and kept running. Sounded a little rough, but when it's cold it always does. By the time I made it to work, everything seemed fine. Crossed fingers. The day at work was... it left something to be desired. The claims weren't great, but worst of all was my chair. It was causing me quite a bit of pain... pain that had nothing to do with my leg injury.
See, once it became obvious that I couldn't sleep in my bed, I took up sleepytime residence in a once-comfy wing chair in the living room. For just a few days short of a month, my days would be spent sitting at work, then coming home and sitting in front of my computer, then sleeping in a chair, then repeat. I don't know that I've got saddlesores on the back of my legs right where they meet my duckbutt, but there's something back there that'll do until the real thing comes along. Indeed, that's part of the reason I haven't been blogging much... it's hard to sit at my desk without those hurtin' bad. The good news is now that I've returned to sleeping lying down, they're starting to not hurt as much. Anyway....
...leaving work on Tuesday night was something of a shock. Yes, I know it's going to be cold soon, but I didn't expect there to have been so fast a change in temps. When I got to work, it was rather comfortable. Leaving work? Cold, approaching zero in a hurry. In a surprise manuever however, The Powers That Be at work acknowledged that it was going to be stupidcold the next couple of days, and gave us permission to work from home. Well! Cool. It'll make the morning commute faster, that's for sure.
Wednesday morning my internet connection was dead. On the plus side, it wasn't just me but a large portion of southeast Duckford, as part of the fiber optic backbone had just up and died, probably from hypothermia. While it would come back, it wouldn't be until 8pm or so. So now, instead of working from home, I had to take PTO for the second time that week... and, as it turned out, I didn't have enough to cover both days. I'm literally not getting paid for one of them. Wednesday was cold, with a high of -13F. Thursday was worse. The low for Thursday was -37F, the coldest Duckford had ever been, period. Go outside? Me? Man, screw that noise. I had an internet hookup, I could do work!
Friday morning, it turned out that, indeed, it was still assfugly cold (-9F at 9am). I hobbled my way to the car, got in, cranked it up, and... coughsputtersputter. Tried again... putting it in gear helped not at all. Right. Oil it was, then. I started her up one more time, hit the gas in reverse, and popped out of my snow-covered spot. At which point, she died. Okay, at least I can access the front of the car now. I then proceeded to put a quart of oil (all I had) into the car... with bare hands... when it was nine degrees below zero. By the time I had everything buttoned back up, I couldn't feel my fingers... I later found out that the wind chill was -20 at the time. Started her up one more time, and... presto! Quieter running, no stalling, problem "solved", at least for the time being. And it's supposed to be warmer on Monday, so I can drop some more oil in without my hands turning black.
By the way... unexpected problem has cropped up with my canes: they're metal. Even just driving to work gets them nearly too cold to touch. Which, considering their job and everything, is unfortunate.
So, my conclusion regarding this week?
January 21, 2019
Fighting. Losing? I'm tired, I hurt, I'm panicking, I'm depressed.
And I'm whining. That's all I seem to do around here these days... remember those wacky good times of "Next Week: More Zombies"? Yeah, fun stuff. Now I'm at the point where I have a new 12" memory foam mattress that feels like heaven but that I'm afraid to sleep in. Anybody here ever fast for more than a day or two? Back when I first hurt my leg, such things as "standing up" caused enough pain that it was common for me to say "I'm hungry... but not so hungry that I'm going to inflict that on myself."
Since the day I went to the hospital, so effectively the entire month of January, I have had four or five meals. Now, we're not talking lavish buffets or 10-course dinners served on platinum tableware, no. A bowl of soup. A few forkfuls of macaroni salad. A sandwich. That sort of thing. So, back to my original question: anybody here ever fast for more than a couple of days? Because there's a neat trick the digestive system plays when you do... you get epic bouts of the stuff pepto bismol is designed to slow (or stop).. And it occurs with little to no warning... wacky, huh?!?!
Is it possible to get refunds on life?
January 16, 2019
So What The Hell, Wonderduck? I don't know if that's been thought by any of readers but were the circumstances reversed, I know I would be. I'll be honest: it's painfully embarrassing.
You may remember that I was taken to the hospital on New Year's Eve after not being able to remove myself from my bed for over a day. What you don't know is that a week later, it happened again. I thought my damaged leg was feeling better and decided to actually sleep in a bed. Bad idea. Once again, I called 911, once again the CVFD EMTs came out... except this time they were accompanied by the Fire Chief. He read me the riot act, then said that he'd be contacting the apartment complex and "other agencies." See, they believed my apartment to be a fire hazard... probably because of the piles of amazon boxes blocking the entry hallway, dining room and the front half of the living room.
Yeah. Remember back when I was fired from the Duck U Bookstore? Around about that time I began to lean more and more on Amazon for just about everything but food... Prime Pantry was a thing at the time, but it wasn't much of one. For a while I managed to keep the boxes under control, and then the winter came, your truly became a recluse, and snow and cold conspired to keep me that way. Then came the depression, after which very little of anything got accomplished. And the boxes kept a'comin'. I got a job, and I continued to not take boxes to the dumpster... not laziness, but simply because I physically couldn't.
See, I'm kinda overweight. That TLC show My 600 Pound Life doesn't have me on speed dial or anything, but I'm a lot closer to that than I am to 250 lbs. And the boxes kept coming... more slowly now that I could have many of them sent to my work address, but still they came. And I was either too stupid or too prideful to ask for help.
And then last thurday I get an e-mail from the complex manager: she and "other agencies" would be entering my apartment on Friday. I asked her to keep me informed, and left it at that... I had a job to do. The appointed time came and went, and around 3pm I took my lunchbreak and checked e-mail.
The very first one was from the County Health Department, informing me that my apartment was condemned as being unfit for human life in the condition it was currently in. The second was from the Apartment Complex manager, asking me to contact her ASAP. She had tried to prevent my place from being condemned, but failed... government workers don't exactly have a lot of leeway in their rules, after all. To be allowed to live in my own place again, all of the boxes had to be gone. She then gave me the number of one of her employees at the complex, someone who'd be able to help. I quickly called him, we agreed to meet at 11am Saturday, and we'd get to work. Along the way, I also touched base with the people from the County, then had a talk with my supervisor. "Take as much time as you need, Wonderduck." So then I left and ran back to Pond Central to grab some clothes and find a hotel.
Saturday rolled around, and the guy I hired showed up. We'll call him Beast, because what I expected to take four or five hours and maybe two days... took 2.5 hours. He had the easy job, though... I had to clean the kitchen sink. I'm pretty sure I killed off an emerging intelligent lifeform.
Monday rolled around. The powers that be congregated in my apartment, were pleased with the results, and took down the sign saying "CONDEMNED. THE PERSON WHO LIVES HERE IS A SLOB." And then said that I'm really just on probation... there will be irregular (but scheduled) visits to make sure progress is progressing.
There's a few other things I'm leaving out, but suffice to say that when you combine them all... well, I can't imagine being more humiliated than I am. Oh, and depressed. Whee.
So that's it, that's the story. Cool, huh?
January 15, 2019
Hold Tight Explanation post coming soon.
January 11, 2019
Quick Update On Going's On I'm alive, but I need a hotel room for a few days.
More as circumstances allow.
January 08, 2019
All Right. You Win. There. You Happy Now? I'm sleeping in the no-longer-comfy chair. When I wake up in the morning, my feet hurt from swelling, and I've got what must be something like a bedsore on the back of my left leg... right where it sits on the end of the seat.
Getting out of the chair requires effort and pain... but at least I can do it. Shower, get ready for work...
...and then I have to face the NINE STAIRS OF DOOM. I have to go one-by-one, basically dragging my right foot off the front of the step until it falls to the step below. I then follow up with a normal stride with my left foot. Rinse, repeat. The best I've done was when I was surrounded by EMTs. This morning, it took about 10 minutes.
Get into the car, drive to work (not as easy as you might think... foot doesn't move without causing the muscle to twinge), get out of the car. Keep cursing to a minimum.
Walk the kilometer from the far end of the parking lot to the door. At least I have two canes now, that makes it a little more stable. Realize that your lunch break is seven minutes getting up and walking to the break room, 15 minutes hating life, then another seven minutes going back.
Finish up work. Trek to the car. Drag self into car, don't care about amount of swearing. Turn the key in the ignition. "Grunt. Grunt. Grunt. Grunt. Vrooom." The battery seems to be unhappy... and all the presets are gone on my radio. FSCK.
Drive home, apply brakes to turn into apartment complex, feel shoe fall off right foot, because why not? Take forever parking nose-out in case of battery failure. Walk up the stairs (much easier), get into Pond Central, and begin unwrapping my new memoryfoam mattress.
Realize new memory foam mattress is toying with me, refusing to unwrap from the first level wrap without tearing the second level and, I assume, exploding like a comfy jack-in-the-box. Give up for the night, come to the computer, realize there are only two cans of soda left in the house... and I can't exactly go shopping.
Any wonder why for a quarter I'd break down and sob for the rest of the night?
January 06, 2019
Update Things are not well over here. Health is okay, so I've got that going for me. I just don't like much of anything else. Details when I can bring myself to enter them.
Good wishes would be appreciated.
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