Race 2 in the books, lets get to the updatin'!

*LUMP GO BOOM!: When people look back at week 2 of the 2006 Formula 1 season, they will marvel at the amount of engines that had their "magic smoke" released from them. Nico Rosberg's impersonation of a F-4 Phantom II was particularly awe-inspiring, but there were many, many others over the weekend. The question becomes "Is this going to happen every other week?" Or was it just because it was 100 degrees F. and humid in Kuala Lumpur this weekend? Time will tell, but remind me how this was supposed to save money?

*RACE GO YAWN!: Not a very thrilling race from the standpoint of it ever being in doubt. The boys in Renault blue & yellow led all but one lap, and Giancarlo Fisichella led all but six laps (if the F1 UPDATE!'s statisticians are correct) in his win from pole. Just goes to show that the new qualifying format hasn't been figured out yet by the teams: the cars that could have challenged for the win wound up stuck behind slower teams due to engine changes and the like, and that let Fisi run and hide.

*TEAM OF THE RACE: Renault. Their first one-two podium finish since 1983 (when they were Benneton), decided in dominating fashion. Who else could this be given to?

*DRIVER OF THE RACE: Giancarlo Fisichella, Renault. Okay, Fisi, you got your one win of the year. Now sit down.

*MOVE OF THE RACE: For sheer impressiveness, it's got to be Fernando Alonso's start, jumping from seventh to third by the first corner. Renault's amazing starting ability almost makes a mockery of the grid system. Honorable mention goes to Rubens Barrichello. Somewhere around the middle of the race, Vitantonio Liuzzi and Takuma Sato were involved in a bitter struggle for 14th position; Barrichello, who at the time was a lap up on the two and trying to get by them, dove underneath at the apex of a turn and snuck by in blistering fashion, all the while praying they saw him coming. He got lucky, and gets an HMotR because of it.

*MOOOOOOOOO-VE OF THE RACE: Celebrating the bovine in every F1 driver, the Moooooo-Ve this week goes to Jarno "The Engineer" Trulli. In a race that was actually pretty good as far as lack of bovine actions go, Trulli wins this week's award by holding up half the field for most of the race. Shovel coal faster, Jarno!

*DRIVER QUOTES: "I win." - Giancarlo Fisichella.

"He won." - Fernando Alonso.

"I didn't." - Jensen Button.

"Me neither." - Juan Pablo Montoya.

"Who's the number one driver at Ferrari? Who?" - Felipe Massa.

"Settle down, Junior. I was winning championships while you were still going through puberty. 2004, for example." - Michael Schumacher.

"Did you know I won a Driver's Championship once? I did, y'know." - Jacques Villeneuve.

"I'm fairly sure Toyota isn't spending a half-billion dollars for eighth place." - Ralf Schumacher.

"I'm pretty sure Toyota isn't spending eight million dollars a year for eighth place, either." - Jarno Trulli.

"I wonder if Ferrari needs a third driver...*sob*" - Rubens Barrichello.

"...nope, can't think of anything worth reading, sorry." - Vitantonio Liuzzi.

"I'm PAYING for this seat?!?!" - Christijan Albers

"I can't say I'm very excited to finish 13th." - Tiago Montiero (note: real quote. Boy, a guy gets one podium finish and it goes right to his head...)

"I feel an inarticulate longing in my soul... something is missing from my life, something... that is part of me. Something that would... complete me. Oh, right, I haven't wrecked in two races!" - Takuma Sato.

"...smoke gets in your eyes..." - Nick Heidfeld.

"I'm thinking about changing my last name. How does Scott Slow sound?" - Scott Speed.

"The problem got worse as I continued the race and gradually the car's pace got slower and I could not accelerate on the straight, then I stopped." - Yuji Ide (note: real quote. Yes, not being able to accelerate on the straight would be a problem...)

"Who carved a 'Z' on my front suspension?" - Christian Klein.

"Right, home in two weeks. Fosters, 'shrimp on the barbie,' 'Hello, Bruce,' 'This here's the wattle, the symbol of our land', all that sort of good stuff." - Mark Webber.

"We lost hydraulics, which meant I had to manually keep my chin elevated. Eventually, I had to retire from the race." - David Coulthard's Chin.

"I think I accelerated from the afterburner effect when my engine blew!" - Nico Rosberg.

"mbmbmll mbbdplmAIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE mbmlbblbmlb." - Kimi Raikkonen.

And that does it for a lackluster race in Malaysia; two weeks from now, we'll see you in Australia!

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